Hey guys i am in serious need of some advice.
I have had many issues in my relationship that has spanned eight years. We have been seperated for two months now and dp really wants us to be back together but im not sure and am really confused.
When i was 16 i had a trauma my partner at the time was murdered. Before this happened i was a very easy going happy person who loved to party and live life to the fullest.
Two years after that i met dp and at the start everything was fantastic. He was a big drinker and we would go out all the time together.
I started to hate going out and just wanted him to myself and over the years i tried to stop him from drinking and leaving me at home so he could be with his mates. This always caused conflict as i guess he felt like he was trapped.
I do not know why i stopped enjoying things that i used to enjoy.
When ds was born i had such strong emotions for dp they were unreal. Then i started pouring all my love and energy into ds and i still do.
We have had many clashes when it comes to how ds should be raised i want him to have a great life and be successfull and i like him to have the best of everything even though we havent got the money for everything. We have huge culture clashes and we brought up so differently.
It got to the stage where now i dont like being intimate at all and dont like to be touched.
I am so terrified of failing as a parent.
I have huge anxiety and have been on meds but went off them as they made me feel sick.
I know i should get help but dont know if how i am feeling is because i need mental help or if i am not in love with dp anymore.
He has always shown me alot of affection and tells me he loves me all the time. I just push him away.
I am always worried about things and dont handle stress well at all.
I am wondering if anyone else has gone through similar situations. I kind of push dp away cos i know that if im not with him i can make all the choices for ds future i know that isnt fair though. What should i do i am really embarressed that u all know this now but i needed to get it off my chest as i have never told anyone.
Any advice would be great thanks guys.