my story please help

[Jax Tellers Old Lady]

Hey guys i am in serious need of some advice.

I have had many issues in my relationship that has spanned eight years. We have been seperated for two months now and dp really wants us to be back together but im not sure and am really confused.

When i was 16 i had a trauma my partner at the time was murdered. Before this happened i was a very easy going happy person who loved to party and live life to the fullest.

Two years after that i met dp and at the start everything was fantastic. He was a big drinker and we would go out all the time together.

I started to hate going out and just wanted him to myself and over the years i tried to stop him from drinking and leaving me at home so he could be with his mates. This always caused conflict as i guess he felt like he was trapped.

I do not know why i stopped enjoying things that i used to enjoy.

When ds was born i had such strong emotions for dp they were unreal. Then i started pouring all my love and energy into ds and i still do.

We have had many clashes when it comes to how ds should be raised i want him to have a great life and be successfull and i like him to have the best of everything even though we havent got the money for everything. We have huge culture clashes and we brought up so differently.

It got to the stage where now i dont like being intimate at all and dont like to be touched.

I am so terrified of failing as a parent.

I have huge anxiety and have been on meds but went off them as they made me feel sick.

I know i should get help but dont know if how i am feeling is because i need mental help or if i am not in love with dp anymore.

He has always shown me alot of affection and tells me he loves me all the time. I just push him away.

I am always worried about things and dont handle stress well at all.

I am wondering if anyone else has gone through similar situations. I kind of push dp away cos i know that if im not with him i can make all the choices for ds future i know that isnt fair though. What should i do i am really embarressed that u all know this now but i needed to get it off my chest as i have never told anyone.

Any advice would be great thanks guys.

[Mum&bubs]

Oh Bert I had no idea Sounds like you are going through a rough patch at the moment but I will speak to you about it on msn- just bump the thread up for you too

Remember you don't have to bottle all that up inside of you, it's good to talk about it & you can talk to me whenever you need to

[SweetSerenity]

Hey bertandernie....

Ive been through a similar situation to you also.

Me and my hubby seperated for almost 5mths this year as i wasnt sure if i loved him anymore and just didnt "feel" it at the time.

We both also came from a completely different background and clashed alot about how to bring up our son.

In those five months we were seperated... i realised i did love this man and that i wanted to do anything to make it work. Our son adored him and still does and i wanted to reunite all of that back together for him and us.

So we have been back together now since September and although things arent that easy, they are better and are improving.

Regarding you not letting him get close, intimate etc maybe you need to go talk to someone to just sort out some issues you may have??

I personally dont think you need to go back on medication, maybe just go talk to someone who has an un biased opinion and can help you sort through it all.

Sounds like your very confused and dont know which way to turn, so maybe seeing someone can help you resolve all of that.

Only you know deep down what is right, but to me it does sound like theres still hope for you guys and it just needs a bit of work.

Big hugs to you as i can understand (slightly) what your going through

[Chickadee]

It sounds like you have a lot of issues to sort through, and I agree that talking to somebody independent from your partner would be a really good idea. I saw it posted somewhere here that psychologists are now covered by Medicare if you have a GP referral, and that might be something to consider.