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  1. #31
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    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
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    While I agree with you that marriage is about compromise, having a child when one person doesn't want to is not a compromise. Compromise means win-win. I think counselling is a great idea, because having a mediator can help the conversation stay on track and be rational. For what it's worth, I think it sounds like the ball is in both of your courts to think things over. I wish you well, and I hope everything works out for you.

    ETA: in case you think I'm just being a negative nancy, I should add that I had a baby after an unplanned pregnancy when my husband didn't want me to. Yes, DH adores his son, but the damage to our marriage is irreparable. So, my life experience is probably colouring my answer somewhat.
    Last edited by harvs; 20-08-2013 at 08:51.

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    My opinion has changed after reading this re hysterectomy. A hysterectomy is a serious op that can reduce sexual function, pelvic stability, reduce blood flow to ovaries, cause bladder problems, it's huge. It's not just a piece yo can remove, the uterus and all the associated structures that have to be cut during hysterectomy (arteries, ligaments) is a central piece of female anatomy. My mother has so many problems that are caused by hers. I think you should research the effects of hysterectomy.

    Other than that, I don't know how old you are, but perhaps you and your husband could agree to reevaluate in 2 years. Financial, emotional, etc positions all can change and it may be that one or other of you may find in 2 years that you are more able to come to the others position.

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    Quote Originally Posted by VicPark View Post
    Bottom line is regardless of how you feel you can't plan to bring a child into this world unless both parents want it. You either need to 1) see a counsellor about how to otherwise fulfill your life. 2) divorce 3). Give hubby time and hope he changes his mind.

    Good luck.
    Agreed. You need to think of your existing 3 children, as well as the potential 4th. They deserve a happy and stable home, not two parents resenting each other or fighting. If you both can't agree to another child, then you shouldn't have one together.

    You can make the very tough decision to have another on your own. But I guess it comes down to what's more important to you, a 4th child or your DH? Will you be happy breaking up your existing family, just to try and create the 'perfect' family you have envisaged? Because it sounds like that is what would happen sadly. I would expect the family you had in your mind included your DH? Could you afford to be a single mum to 4 kids?

    I can actually see where your DH is coming from. Yes he earns good money (at the moment), but you have no assets. Why don't you focus on getting in to your next home ASAP, then reassess your family situation? Would that be a possibility?


 

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