You hear stories about mothers killing their kids, willingly and sadistically. I don't get/feel that with this particular case. By all accounts it was competely out of character for her to neglect those kids.
I come to the forum for lots of reasons. for a laugh. Mainly these days for support in my ttc groups that are my life line bc no one IRL understands or has experienced LTTC. I come here to debate and have my mind keep ticking. I don't have a mental illness, not bored. I have a house to run and I'm doing a demanding course. Lately there haven't been enough hours in the day let alone having nothing to do.
It takes a village to raise a child, where in the world was this village - this is the bit I am completely struggling with. I get missing a few appointments and falling under the radar. I don't get months of food deprivation, being locked away from the world and starvation and nobody noticing, I can not reconcile how this has happened.
There was a father, mother and grandmother - all in the house, all having responsibility for the children - why has the accountability been placed on only one person to ensure the welfare on these children? Especially when that person could not even ensure their own welfare.
I agree babyla. I far from condone her actions, and while I accept she may have had a MI I still struggle to understand how she let this happen. But.... the child had a father? and other family members? if she did in fact have a MI, I hold him more responsible than her. If I completely collapsed mentally, DH would pick up the slack and get me help. End of story.
The father also locked those babies in a room, ignored their cries, ignored his daughter telling her parents they needed to feed the kids, ignored his mother in law.
This is also not the actions of someone who has no mental illness.
I have no compassion for either. If someone is happy to feel compassion for a mother, compassion and understanding due to her having PND, then why does the father just not give a fck? Why can't he also be suffering a mental illness??
Alcoholism is a serious mental illness. Very serious. It alters people, affects their ability to function, think rationally. It alters peoples perception of reality.
Even if he wasn't suffering alcoholism his actions are still not the actions of a mentally stable person, even one who admits to being a **** poor father. He let two babies starve to death in his home.
I will not accept mental illness for that. The mother knew she wasnt feeding her babies enough. In an interview she said she thought her husband was doing it. So she knew it wasnt right. The father had his mother in law ask him to check on the babies and he never did.
The daughter, their eleven year old child, begged them to feed her siblings. And still they didn't listen. They knew they were starving their children. They were told. Repeatedly. And they chose to ignore it. They have a mental illness, yes.
But the mistreatment and neglect didnt end when the babies dies but continued after. And the affects of it will continue for a very long time still. I hope the little girl gets help, a lot of help. But to think that an 11 year old wont end up with at the least PTSD from this is laughable at best. The long term affects I dont think any of us can even begin to grasp.
Can I show compassion for either of those parents for what they did? No. I don't think I ever can.
There are so many people on these forums who live with mental illness every single day. Me included. I will never be able to forgive my family for the part they played in the causation of mine. Its horrendous. Its a constant torture, being terrified of yourself. Being too afraid some days to go to sleep or to even get out of bed, to go near things you can use to injur yourself or others. To be so scared of just hearing someone talk, because you're terrified the next thing they say will inadvettantly trigger an "episode".
Im pregnant. And every day im actually terrified of being a mum. Of being predisposed to PND, of knowing that one of my triggers is lack of sleep. Im terrified of myself, of the idea I could ever hurt my daughter, to the point ive made my DF promise if he even suspects im about to snap to take our daughter and leave then and there. No ultimatums, no warnings, nothing, just go to keep her safe. Its all I can do. Its terrifying thinking that despite how much you would do to keep your children safe, you would be the one they need protection from.
So can I ever show compassion for a mother who has possibly now set her daughter up for a life of this? No. I can't. Its a living torture every single day that I cant do anything about. I feel compassion for her daughter. I want to reach out and hug her and shield her from her own mind, from the nightmares, from the guilt. And that I can't do. I want to tell her it will be okay, it'll all be okay, she'll be okay. But I cant do that either, even if I knew who she was, because its not true. I can't look at her and tell her I feel compassion for her mum or her dad, because of mental illness she is now in for such a hard life that just trying to imagine it makes me breathless and my heart ache for her.
My own nightmares are horrendous enough. I dont even want to think what hers would be like, or the drugs they'd have to give her just so she can sleep.
The only victims I can see in this case are the children. The mother and father stopped being victims when they killed their children and robbed another of a normal, happy life.
Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
There are so many cases throughout history of women with PND hurting their children, or victims turning into abusers etc. I personally just don't think it is as simple as as soon as they let those kids die that is it. I feel like, this whole thing could have been prevented if someone had intervened, it is such a tragedy that no one did.
I am sorry you have had a hard time, it must be awful - and obviously this awful tragedy is bringing it back for you
I also feel differently about this case - do you remember the couple who started their 7 year old to death - In Hawksnest I think, had her locked in a room, she could only baby talk because they never talked to her etc. Anyhow - I felt no sadness or empathy for that couple. It was quite clear they just didn't like their daughter and wanted her dead, you could see it the way they talked in interviews. I just feel this is a different thing.
Pregnant for the first-time?
Not sure where to start? We can help!
Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!