The past few comments have made me look back on my life as an 11 year old and remember that my mom had severe depression during that time. To be honest, I never noticed. Looking back in hindsight I can remember specific things and know as an adult that that was definitely a time when she was doing really bad. But while it was happening, when I was 11? No I didn't notice, I just carried on with my 11 year old ways (did my homework after school, went out to play, played in my room, watched tv, etc). I can remember getting upset when she would get so angry at my dad, but that's it, my thoughts wouldn't have gone beyond not understanding why she was so angry because to me all I saw was my parents fighting and I would want them to stop--like any child. I also know I would have been far too embarrassed to tell anybody anything I did notice due to being embarrassed for myself and being protective of my mom, I would never have wanted her to get into trouble. I was never neglected though, she still made dinner every night, made sure I had a bath, did my hair every morning. Nobody outside our home would have known she was struggling, but she was also lucky enough to have a supportive husband.
I feel lucky as well that I have my DH. So thankful I have somebody willing to hold on to me when I'm falling, who doesn't get frustrated with me when I have days where I miss work because the anxiety of getting out of bed is too much. And so thankful I can be honest with him about some of the awful thoughts that cross my mind and know that he's not going to judge me or think I'm crazy, that he understands that I just need to talk about them. I feel like I should bake him a cake now!