+ Reply to Thread
Page 19 of 24 FirstFirst ... 91718192021 ... LastLast
Results 181 to 190 of 235
  1. #181
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    She did tell someone. She told her grandmother. But thats not enough. And now people are trying to hold an 11 year old accountable for her siblings death for not getting more help for them, but its anathema to ask why the mother didnt get more help for herself before she killed her children because people with mental health issues dont ask for it (which isnt the case with all anyway).

  2. #182
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Location
    chaos hill
    Posts
    1,687
    Thanks
    1,123
    Thanked
    612
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I remember this all coming out on bubhub. I was a new member and dealing with my own issues of PND and anxiety disorder. It was heartbreaking.

    I can't help thinking that 'there by the grace of god go I'. My heart breaks for this mother and her little ones.

    Sakabla thanks for sharing, like you I see similarities in my own 'story'. Bananas for breakfast is definitely a 'red flag' in my house...

    I am also another mum who finds it impossible to ask for help - like it physically makes me ill to think of having to say please i am struggling, wont you please notice and help... stupid hey, but part of me and my illness.
    Last edited by onionskin; 16-08-2013 at 13:05.

  3. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to onionskin For This Useful Post:

    Mathermy  (16-08-2013),sakabla  (16-08-2013)

  4. #183
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,202
    Thanks
    1,702
    Thanked
    2,424
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by oldmember View Post
    She was a member on bubhub. I was here at the time but have since deleted my id. She was a member when the twins were born, she posted heaps of pics of Lilly and Zaide, they were loved and cared for. She posted that she wasnt coping online too.

    I have been following this story since it happened back in 2008. I've read the following...She went into a depressive state when her marriage started breaking up. She was left to do everything on her own and couldnt cope with 6 kids by herself. She told her foster mum and bio mum that she couldnt cope. She also told her partner..they all just said 'dont worry you are a great mum'. The father started drinking and spending all his time at the pub. The drinking reminded her of the the abuse she suffered as a child in foster care and caused her anxiety. The foster or bio mum asked the father to check on the twins and he promised her he would but he never did. I read he said that he had not seen them in 6 months.

    In March 2008 she started feeding the twins differently. She started giving them bottled baby food, packaged food and formula. As she got more depressed it turned into only formula. The kids werent going to school anymore and the 11 year old was doing allot of the work. No one reported that the kids were always absent. Some of the smaller kids were running around the neighborhood naked and begging for food. None of the neighborhood reported this.

    The landlord heard the babies crying and crying but did nothing. She also saw the horrible condition of the house and said the mum looked like a street person.
    I also read she stopped brushing and showering and didnt care about her appearance anymore. She escaped reality on the computer playing second life but deleted it eventually. The 11 year old said that she used to be a good mum - even overly tidy but that since they moved to the new house they were a big angry family.

    She said she loved the twins and thought she was doing the best she could. She hoped it was all a dream when she realised they were dead. She has regular contact with her other kids even now in jail and hopes to get them back one day. She talks to the then 11 year old everyday from jail. Apparently she was kept in a protected area in jail and has become a mentor for other ladies in there.

    http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/q...-1226698088240


    My heart breaks for Lily and Zaide. I also feel so bad for the mum. Obviously she was not well and no one tried to help her even when there was so many signs that she needed it. She has the life long punishment of knowing that she killed her babies. It is not fair that she is getting most of the blame. What about that father? If he had checked on them when the mum had asked him to, then maybe they could have got help. If the neighbours had reported the naked kids begging for food? Or the school reported the kids not ever being there? Allot of ppl have failed Lily and Zaide and their mum also. Very tragic case for all involved.
    Thank you.
    Agreed
    Hope she finds some peace and forgiveness for herself because that is an awful burden to bare.

  5. #184
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    4,125
    Thanks
    1,810
    Thanked
    1,694
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Jennaisme View Post
    She did tell someone. She told her grandmother. But thats not enough. And now people are trying to hold an 11 year old accountable for her siblings death for not getting more help for them, but its anathema to ask why the mother didnt get more help for herself before she killed her children because people with mental health issues dont ask for it (which isnt the case with all anyway).
    No-one is blaming the daughter! As if an 11 yr old can be held responsible for her mothers inability to take care of the children. I think people do wonder though how she didn't tell anyone, coz if you look at 'normal' healthy 11 yr olds, from 'normal' healthy homes, you would think if something like this hapened, they would tell someone.

    I look at my 11 yr old, and I think she would have done something. And I personally think this girl did too, but unfortunately, the only people she felt she could turn to were useless in this situation. And like I said, she was probably too ashamed for people outside the family to know, I know my kids would be, I doubt they'd tell a teacher. I think the poor girl was probably in complete survival mode, probably doing most of the childrearing at such a young age, and didn't know how close to death the little babies were.

    But I don't think people are blaming her.

  6. #185
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Asking why she didnt get help for her siblings from someone is blaming her, sorry. Its holding her accountable and responsible for not getting help for them when she never should have been put into that position.

  7. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jennaisme For This Useful Post:

    Mathermy  (16-08-2013),VicPark  (16-08-2013)

  8. #186
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    621
    Thanks
    133
    Thanked
    147
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Can I ask how it was discovered she was a member here? Where there any "signs" about what she was doing? Makes me feel so sad for those babies. Kind words go along way

  9. #187
    Join Date
    May 2010
    Location
    Brisbane
    Posts
    3,202
    Thanks
    1,702
    Thanked
    2,424
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by sakabla View Post
    What happened to those children was awful, what that mum did was horrific and she needs to be accountable. I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

    But if we can start to understand how these situations come about, then we open the door to prevention. We need to break down the stigma that still surrounds mental illness, so everyone feels safe to share their stories, so that they and others can learn.

    I'm going to put myself out on limb here and be brutally honest. I have suffered through depression my entire parenting life. One of my red flags that I have learnt signals my slipping back into a depressive episode is not feeding my children. For me my brain starts to shut down one thing at a time, and, for some unknown reason, the first thing my brain drops off the necessary list is food. It's so hard to explain. It's not a conscience thought, it's not because I'm lazy or selfish or immature. It's not because I have better things to do with my time like play facebook games. Food just looses all importance to me. I know now when I stop preparing proper meals and the kids are relying far to heavily on fruit to get by, that I need to ask for help.

    But I am one of the lucky few who have an amazingly supportive partner. We have spent years compiling a list of my triggers and red flags. He is strong enough that when he or I notice that I am slipping, he steps in and takes control until I can again. I don't want to think what the consequences may have been if he spent his time at the pub, rather than being home with the children and me, taking the time to talk to all of us so he can see how I'm faring.

    Sure, it's a massive burden for him to bare, and I often feel overwhelmingly guilty to put him through this. But, as he tells me, he is happy to take that burden on, because he loves his children. And he loves me, faults and all.

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Thank you.
    i used to also feel like a burden to my dh and family and overwhelming guilt but I've only just started to realise that as lucky as Iam to have them, they are to have me. Iam amazingly compassionate, empathetic, loyal and kind. I'm not perfect but I fought long and hard all through my illness because I thought they all deserved it and my dh tells me over and over how blessed he is "to have a wife so dedicated to our family that even when she feels like she can't go on, she picks herself up and battles on for the sake of her family". I love my dh.

  10. The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to RipperRita For This Useful Post:

    Funchu  (16-08-2013),Kirst33  (16-08-2013),sakabla  (16-08-2013)

  11. #188
    MilkingMaid's Avatar
    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
    Question those who don't question authority
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Home
    Posts
    9,661
    Thanks
    3,787
    Thanked
    2,144
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Annabella View Post
    Yes, I don't think people can possibly comprehend how much harder things are when you do not have the support of a loving partner or family.
    Yes, exactly. When my PND was really bad, and I was suicidal, my 'partner' didn't want to know, was away driving, yelled at me, accused me of lying, and would hang up on me when I rang him at my wits end. All my family were in NZ. I was SO close to becoming a statistic. SO close.

  12. The Following User Says Thank You to MilkingMaid For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (17-08-2013)

  13. #189
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    4
    Thanks
    0
    Thanked
    22
    Reviews
    0
    I have read that the 11 year old just turned 11 a few days or weeks before she found the bodies. She had had to take over the care of her siblings quite a bit while her mum was depressed. So she was 10 at the time.

    She had urged her mum and dad to feed the twins, take them out of the room and play with them. Her dad said he would but then he went and watched tv. The mum said she would try..but it never happened. She told the grandmother that the twins looked skinny and horrible so the grandmother told the father to check up on them, which he said he would do but never did. The 11 year old also mentioned to the mum that the twins would die if she didnt feed them enough. (ofcourse mum thought she was feeding enough and doing the best she could)

    She probably didnt tell anyone at school because she never went..didnt tust anyone..or was scared her mum would be in trouble. I feel so sorry her.

  14. The Following 8 Users Say Thank You to oldmember For This Useful Post:

    Annabella  (16-08-2013),beebs  (17-08-2013),ChickyBee  (16-08-2013),dancingchipmunk  (16-08-2013),Ffrenchknickers  (16-08-2013),Night Owl  (16-08-2013),Patience Belmont  (16-08-2013),~Marigold~  (17-08-2013)

  15. #190
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Qld
    Posts
    26,930
    Thanks
    2,736
    Thanked
    6,743
    Reviews
    2
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 postsRuby Star - 15,000 postsDiamond Star - 20,000 posts
    In the reports I've read, the 11 year old DID say things. Perhaps not to the police or teachers... but can you imagine being 11 and watching your parents behave like that? You love and trust your parents... you don't want to think them capable of starving your siblings, nor do you want to see them get into any serious trouble... because really, what happens to you if they end up locked away?

  16. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to SassyMummy For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (17-08-2013),Ffrenchknickers  (16-08-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. *trigger warning* At least she was honest...
    By Cat21 in forum Pregnancy & Birth General Chat
    Replies: 36
    Last Post: 24-02-2013, 22:10
  2. Bullying *Possible Trigger Warning*
    By lolly137 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 07-09-2012, 21:27

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Tambo Teddies
Visit our online store and select your individually handmade natural sheepskin teddy bear. Our soft and loveable bears come in a range of styles and colours. Created in Outback Queensland each bear is unique individual. 100% Australian made!
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Philips AVENT Australia
Pregnancy and early parenthood is an exciting and challenging time, but it’s good to know there is expert advice on hand to ensure that your baby gets the best start in life.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!