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  1. #161
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    What happened to those children was awful, what that mum did was horrific and she needs to be accountable. I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

    But if we can start to understand how these situations come about, then we open the door to prevention. We need to break down the stigma that still surrounds mental illness, so everyone feels safe to share their stories, so that they and others can learn.

    I'm going to put myself out on limb here and be brutally honest. I have suffered through depression my entire parenting life. One of my red flags that I have learnt signals my slipping back into a depressive episode is not feeding my children. For me my brain starts to shut down one thing at a time, and, for some unknown reason, the first thing my brain drops off the necessary list is food. It's so hard to explain. It's not a conscience thought, it's not because I'm lazy or selfish or immature. It's not because I have better things to do with my time like play facebook games. Food just looses all importance to me. I know now when I stop preparing proper meals and the kids are relying far to heavily on fruit to get by, that I need to ask for help.

    But I am one of the lucky few who have an amazingly supportive partner. We have spent years compiling a list of my triggers and red flags. He is strong enough that when he or I notice that I am slipping, he steps in and takes control until I can again. I don't want to think what the consequences may have been if he spent his time at the pub, rather than being home with the children and me, taking the time to talk to all of us so he can see how I'm faring.

    Sure, it's a massive burden for him to bare, and I often feel overwhelmingly guilty to put him through this. But, as he tells me, he is happy to take that burden on, because he loves his children. And he loves me, faults and all.

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app

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  3. #162
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakabla View Post
    What happened to those children was awful, what that mum did was horrific and she needs to be accountable. I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

    But if we can start to understand how these situations come about, then we open the door to prevention. We need to break down the stigma that still surrounds mental illness, so everyone feels safe to share their stories, so that they and others can learn.

    I'm going to put myself out on limb here and be brutally honest. I have suffered through depression my entire parenting life. One of my red flags that I have learnt signals my slipping back into a depressive episode is not feeding my children. For me my brain starts to shut down one thing at a time, and, for some unknown reason, the first thing my brain drops off the necessary list is food. It's so hard to explain. It's not a conscience thought, it's not because I'm lazy or selfish or immature. It's not because I have better things to do with my time like play facebook games. Food just looses all importance to me. I know now when I stop preparing proper meals and the kids are relying far to heavily on fruit to get by, that I need to ask for help.

    But I am one of the lucky few who have an amazingly supportive partner. We have spent years compiling a list of my triggers and red flags. He is strong enough that when he or I notice that I am slipping, he steps in and takes control until I can again. I don't want to think what the consequences may have been if he spent his time at the pub, rather than being home with the children and me, taking the time to talk to all of us so he can see how I'm faring.

    Sure, it's a massive burden for him to bare, and I often feel overwhelmingly guilty to put him through this. But, as he tells me, he is happy to take that burden on, because he loves his children. And he loves me, faults and all.

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Thank you so much for this!

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  5. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by sakabla View Post
    What happened to those children was awful, what that mum did was horrific and she needs to be accountable. I don't think anyone disagrees with that.

    But if we can start to understand how these situations come about, then we open the door to prevention. We need to break down the stigma that still surrounds mental illness, so everyone feels safe to share their stories, so that they and others can learn.

    I'm going to put myself out on limb here and be brutally honest. I have suffered through depression my entire parenting life. One of my red flags that I have learnt signals my slipping back into a depressive episode is not feeding my children. For me my brain starts to shut down one thing at a time, and, for some unknown reason, the first thing my brain drops off the necessary list is food. It's so hard to explain. It's not a conscience thought, it's not because I'm lazy or selfish or immature. It's not because I have better things to do with my time like play facebook games. Food just looses all importance to me. I know now when I stop preparing proper meals and the kids are relying far to heavily on fruit to get by, that I need to ask for help.

    But I am one of the lucky few who have an amazingly supportive partner. We have spent years compiling a list of my triggers and red flags. He is strong enough that when he or I notice that I am slipping, he steps in and takes control until I can again. I don't want to think what the consequences may have been if he spent his time at the pub, rather than being home with the children and me, taking the time to talk to all of us so he can see how I'm faring.

    Sure, it's a massive burden for him to bare, and I often feel overwhelmingly guilty to put him through this. But, as he tells me, he is happy to take that burden on, because he loves his children. And he loves me, faults and all.

    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Thank you for speaking out. Hugs to you. I also suffer from 'major depressive disorder.' Awful.

    I am really passionate about speaking out about mental illness. I have posted several times over the last twelve months about my addiction problems, my bulimia and depression/anxiety/obsessive thinking. Not for any reason other than keeping it all a secret for twenty years has fed it. It has fed the darkness and nearly killed me. I have gone to every extent to make myself and my family look perfect in an effort to hide what's going on. The guilt and shame are enormous.

    More people need to be educated by hearing real life stories.

    Nobody is immune.

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  7. #164
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    Absolutely agree. There is such a stigma about mental illness. I have always been open and honest about my mental illness' and answer questions as honestly as I can. My mum actually does a lot of volunteer work with mhaa and beyond blue, something which I hope to be able to help with soon

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  9. #165
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    Yeah there is hey. There is alot of condemnation too. Depending on its manifestations.

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  11. #166
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    This sure is a sad story. As a single mum and one who has battled depression and anxiety and who is only now starting to get to the other side I really find this conversation interesting .

    I never had any thoughts of harming my child but I have had a lot of dark thoughts such as my child would be better off without me and that I am a bad mum. I have also yelled a lot at him which makes me feel so guilty.

    I think our society is a perfect one to breed mental illness in people and to keep it hidden. The breakdown of nuclear families, the lack of 'villages' and the lack of neighbour hood support systems as well as the way in which often we live away from family support systems often mean severe neglect and abuse goes unchecked until finally tragedy occurs such as the one we are discussing.

    I don't think there are any blanket solutions but I think what may have helped me is just one person ringing , coming over and asking the hard questions in a non judge mental way and offering a bit of practical support. Yes I had friends and family but a mental health sufferer is rarely going to rush up to you and tell them they need help.

    I think we can ALL be a part of the solution. Lets all stop focusing on just our own lives and families so obsessively. Lets get to know our neighbours, the other mums at school,playgroups, mums group...If your instinct tells you something's wrong,LISTEN! Ask yourself, what can I do to help? Even if the person declines your offer, believe me they will remember you .

    I think that we all need people and its when people pretend they don't that tragedies like this can occur.
    Last edited by sunnyflower; 16-08-2013 at 12:04.

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  13. #167
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    Well said, sunnyflower.

    So often when these tragedies occur, people want to blame DOCS/DHS and the government in general, and while I think it's great that we have those organisations, there is just no possible way they can care for people like family, friends, neighbours and society in general can.

    I haven't had PND, but I have had major chronic illness and I was soooo lucky in that I received heaps of support from my church family. It really helped so much, and I don't know how people who don't have any support do it!

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  15. #168
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    She was a member on bubhub. I was here at the time but have since deleted my id. She was a member when the twins were born, she posted heaps of pics of Lilly and Zaide, they were loved and cared for. She posted that she wasnt coping online too.

    I have been following this story since it happened back in 2008. I've read the following...She went into a depressive state when her marriage started breaking up. She was left to do everything on her own and couldnt cope with 6 kids by herself. She told her foster mum and bio mum that she couldnt cope. She also told her partner..they all just said 'dont worry you are a great mum'. The father started drinking and spending all his time at the pub. The drinking reminded her of the the abuse she suffered as a child in foster care and caused her anxiety. The foster or bio mum asked the father to check on the twins and he promised her he would but he never did. I read he said that he had not seen them in 6 months.

    In March 2008 she started feeding the twins differently. She started giving them bottled baby food, packaged food and formula. As she got more depressed it turned into only formula. The kids werent going to school anymore and the 11 year old was doing allot of the work. No one reported that the kids were always absent. Some of the smaller kids were running around the neighborhood naked and begging for food. None of the neighborhood reported this.

    The landlord heard the babies crying and crying but did nothing. She also saw the horrible condition of the house and said the mum looked like a street person.
    I also read she stopped brushing and showering and didnt care about her appearance anymore. She escaped reality on the computer playing second life but deleted it eventually. The 11 year old said that she used to be a good mum - even overly tidy but that since they moved to the new house they were a big angry family.

    She said she loved the twins and thought she was doing the best she could. She hoped it was all a dream when she realised they were dead. She has regular contact with her other kids even now in jail and hopes to get them back one day. She talks to the then 11 year old everyday from jail. Apparently she was kept in a protected area in jail and has become a mentor for other ladies in there.

    http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/q...-1226698088240


    My heart breaks for Lily and Zaide. I also feel so bad for the mum. Obviously she was not well and no one tried to help her even when there was so many signs that she needed it. She has the life long punishment of knowing that she killed her babies. It is not fair that she is getting most of the blame. What about that father? If he had checked on them when the mum had asked him to, then maybe they could have got help. If the neighbours had reported the naked kids begging for food? Or the school reported the kids not ever being there? Allot of ppl have failed Lily and Zaide and their mum also. Very tragic case for all involved.
    Last edited by oldmember; 16-08-2013 at 12:05.

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  17. #169
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    It's so so sad. Thank you for that post. It shows her humanity.

  18. #170
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    Quote Originally Posted by oldmember View Post
    She was a member on bubhub. I was here at the time but have since deleted my id. She was a member when the twins were born, she posted heaps of pics of Lilly and Zaide, they were loved and cared for. She posted that she wasnt coping online too.

    I have been following this story since it happened back in 2008. I've read the following...She went into a depressive state when her marriage started breaking up. She was left to do everything on her own and couldnt cope with 6 kids by herself. She told her foster mum and bio mum that she couldnt cope. She also told her husband..they all just said 'dont worry you are a great mum'. The father started drinking and spending all his time at the pub. The drinking reminded her of the the abuse she suffered as a child in foster care and caused her anxiety. The mum asked the father to check on the twins and he promised her he would but he never did. I read he said that he had not seen them in 6 months.

    In March 2008 she started feeding the twins differently. She started giving them bottled baby food, packaged food and formula. As she got more depressed it turned into only formula. The kids werent going to school anymore and the 11 year old was doing allot of the work. No one reported that the kids were always absent. Some of the smaller kids were running around the neighborhood naked and begging for food. None of the neighborhood reported this.

    The landlord heard the babies crying and crying but did nothing. She also saw the horrible condition of the house and said the mum looked like a street person.
    I also read she stopped brushing and showering and didnt care about her appearance anymore. She escaped reality on the computer playing second life but deleted it eventually. The 11 year old said that she used to be a good mum - even overly tidy but that since they moved to the new house they were a big angry family.

    She said she loved the twins and thought she was doing the best she could. She hoped it was all a dream when she realised they were dead. She has regular contact with her other kids even now in jail and hopes to get them back one day. She talks to the then 11 year old everyday from jail. Apparently she was kept in a protected area in jail and has become a mentor for other ladies in there.

    http://www.couriermail.com.au/news/q...-1226698088240


    My heart breaks for Lily and Zaide. I also feel so bad for the mum. Obviously she was not well and no one tried to help her even when there was so many signs that she needed it. She has the life long punishment of knowing that she killed her babies. It is not fair that she is getting most of the blame. What about that father? If he had checked on them when the mum had asked him to, then maybe they could have got help. If the neighbours had reported the naked kids begging for food? Or the school reported the kids not ever being there? Allot of ppl have failed Lily and Zaide and their mum also. Very tragic case for all involved.
    If all this true then the father, the landlord, the neighbours and the foster and biological grandmother all have blood on their hands.

    How tragic....


 

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