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  1. #1
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    Default High risk of Down Syndrome and DH would terminate but you would not?

    Hi everyone, Just wondering if anyone else has been in the situation where you were at high risk for DS after NT results and after discussing it with DH found out that he feels very strongly about not continuing with pregnancy if further testing was positive ... but you did not feel the same? I have been given a risk of 1:137 chance of DS with my 2nd baby and having an amnio tomorrow. Have had a torturous 2 weeks and just want it to be over. Spoke to my husband this evening and chatted about the possibility of not getting a good outcome and he was still very adamant that he "couldn't do it". I'd told him I had done some research and it might not be that bad, but he basically said no way. I am worried I am going to be forced into making the wrong decision, or that it will tear up our marriage. I don't know what I will do now if the results is positive and concerned that I do not want to spend weeks agonising over a decision because if I decide to terminate I would want it over and done with asap (I am 16 weeks now). Any previous experiences/advice greatfully received

  2. #2
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    No advice, just big hugs, sorry you have to go through this.

  3. #3
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    Big hugs. I've been in a similar situation. We found our baby had a rare congenital heart defect and were told the possibility of having a genetic or chromosomal syndrome were high. We were offered an amnio but I couldn't do it even though my husband thought it was for the best to find out.
    I know he was leaning towards a termination but I knew I could never have one. .. this is due to my belief system and the fact that we had lost a baby already too.
    We had some counseling. It's hard because when it comes to certain things we defer to the person who feels the strongest. It's not like choosing a wall color or next holiday. .. its a baby. .a complete change to your life. I was very worried he would resent me for not wanting the same thing as him. But he did say a lot it was my choice. Even though I knew if he could choose he might choose differently. I'd say get to counseling together asap if you can. It gives you a safe space to both talk out your points of view and reasons.
    My daughter is here with us. .. she's over 8 months. .. has had 2 open heart surgeries and does have a rare genetic syndrome that they would never have found on the amnio anyway. And she's precious. Our world. My dh loves her to pieces and wouldn't have life any other way! But it has been hard and we have been to counseling together.
    hugs. ..I hope you can both find a way to support each other and that the amnio is clear.

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  5. #4
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    I have been in this situation where we chose to terminate. My husband mostly left it to me, which was hard, but we did agree with our decision. I fell pregnant with twins when my eldest daughter was 4 months old. Tests came back abnormal. When I went for ultrasound, it was discovered there were mono-amniotic twins, very rare kind of twins only occurring in 1% of twin pregnancies. This is very high risk pregnancy as the babies are in the same sac and cords can get tangled and it is hard to measure the development/growth of the twins because they share amniotic fluid. Anyway, I was referred to maternal fetal specialist at a big public hospital whose specialty was these kinds of multiple pregnancy. It was later discovered that my twins had a long list of problems and abnormalities. My husband and I chose to terminate. It was a really hard decision and I wouldn't wish it on anyone else. We made our decision for a few reasons and one of them was the fact that we already had a baby who needed our love and attention and having to share our time with her and 2 very high needs babies/children who probably wouldn't have survived much after birth, and even if they did, their quality of life would've been zero. We felt our daughter would not be given the time she needed. There were other reasons as well.

    I think in your situation, I would try not to panic until you have further testing, but realistically, I know the agony and stress of waiting for tests/results. I hope all is ok for you.

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    I have been in a similar situtation. My first pregnancy we found out our little boy had an incompatiable with life diagnosis and dh and I both agreed to end the pregnancy then. We went on to have a beautiful little girl. Our 3rd pregnancy we found at 25weeks a brain condition, that gave the odds of 80-20. 80% chance complete normal development could be expected, 20%severeve disability. I was happy to take those odds, but dh wasn't. It was tough for a while, cause it was such a what if scenario. We saw counselling and respected each others thoughts, but still didn't agree. Then at 32weeks we found that the condition had gotten worse and the odds were no longer in our favour. She had massive brain damage, which was now affecting her brain stem, her life line. As soon as the dr told me our new approximate odds, along with potential outcomes and got all the info from several specialists, I knew I couldn't continue our daughters life. Life for the sake of life but not being able to live was what I thought about a lot.
    Anyways, my advice is to seek counselling together, see lots of different drs for opinions, stay away from dr google, and still try to invest time and love in your marriage. Don't think about results or numbers causing resentment until you have to. Much love to you xoxoxox

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    Wishing you the best of luck xxx

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  9. #8
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    Good luck today OP, what a hard situation to be in. Easier said than done I know but I would try not to worry until you have the results. In the meantime, as previously suggested, counselling is probably a great idea.

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    I haven't read all the replies but just wanted to give you a hug and suggest genetic counselling. We had it in our first pregnancy and it was really good.

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    Thanks so much to all of you for taking the time to reply, it means a lot. And so sorry to all of you who have been in the horrible situation of having to "choose" ... I wish I had never had the tests and would not have to make the decision and then what is given to us we will have to deal with ... I know many people have said the same thing in hindsight! I had my amnio today and it was ok .. just desperate for 2pm to come around tomorrow so I can get the results! I know you shouldn't make a decision before knowing but I didn't want to spend another few weeks mulling over my decision if I would eventually terminate, as it's just getting older and I'm getting more connected .... I would rather have been able to put a plan of action into progress. On the way down there today I was talking to my friend about it and told her I came to the horrible realisation that if we got bad news tomorrow, it would probably ruin our marriage one way or another ... if I terminate I would resent him for not supporting me and encouraging me to keep it and if I kept it, he would probably resent me for bringing this on him and our family. He would never forgive me. But yes, counselling is a great idea and not one I thought of - hopefully we could then get more understanding of each other. Bring on 2pm Friday .....


 

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