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  1. #11
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    lambjam is offline Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!
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    I know some couples prefer to keep their finances separate, but that really does require both parties to be mature and sensible. Is it possible to pool your income and expenses? Then whatever is left over can be split equally for incidentals such as cigarettes and undies.

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  3. #12
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    DF and I had problems with money until we got a joint account, sat down and wrote a budget and that was it. If it wasn't in the budget we didn't get it. There was a little left over which we could use for ourselves but I choose most of the time to leave it in so we have savings.

    Our problem now is he does manage to get extra things but he works extra jobs for those.

    I don't think you paying for everything from FTB will work long term. It causes resentment and it really sucks! I used up all of my savings ($5000) the first year we had DS1 because DF didn't pay for anything. It is so much better now that we are equal!!

    Sent from my telecommunications device.

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  5. #13
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    Is this the same partner that "stole" your sons ADHD medication??? Sounds like he has a history of only thinking of himself.

    Like others have said, put your foot down. If he's not willing to make some sacrifices and pool both incomes to benefit the family, I'd be seriously thinking about the relationship and if I'd want to be having another child (if you are TTCing) with someone so selfish, or even stay with him if he only ever puts himself first.

    Family is far more precious than cigarettes, and he needs to provide for the family before buying anything for himself.
    Last edited by Californication; 14-08-2013 at 14:33.

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  7. #14
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    I havent real all the replies so sorry Im off tracking...
    I dont think it's about expectations as people will only get away with what you let them get away with...
    If the issue is financial and he's the week link (as you say you can budget but he has terrible impulse control) you should calmly explain to him that perhaps you should take control of the finances (maybe make it for a time and see how it goes) perhaps give him a goal like to save for a new 'man toy' or holiday and of course give him some spending money.
    If that is not on the cards I would say you should be more selfish, if you need something buy it before he gets his hands on your money and if you have spare money hide it put it away for yourself.

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    jagamoe  (14-08-2013)

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    If it was me, I would leave. His priorities sound a bit off.

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  11. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by Californication View Post
    Is this the same partner that "stole" your sons ADHD medication??? Sounds like he has a history of only thinking of himself.

    Like others have said, put your foot down. If he's not willing to make some sacrifices and pool both incomes to benefit the family, I'd be seriously thinking about the relationship and if I'd want to be having another child (if you are TTCing) with someone so selfish, or even stay with him if he only ever puts himself first.

    Family is far more precious than cigarettes, and he needs to provide for the family before buying anything for himself.
    Taking sons meds, surely not

  12. #17
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    The sitting down and talking only works if both people are on board. I talked until I was blue in the face with my ex, made budgets etc, and he always undermined them. EVERY time. He pretended he was on board, but his actions spoke much louder than his words. It's all part of the sick game that they play.

    If it is simply about control, and getting his own way without thought of the costs to anyone else, then sitting down and talking is a complete waste of time.

    (It's all in the book as well!)
    Last edited by MilkingMaid; 14-08-2013 at 14:45.

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  14. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kimberleygal1 View Post
    Taking sons meds, surely not
    Yeah he did. She's right. I had forgotten about that.

    OP - he sounds like he is in need of some fairly serious intervention.

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    He sounds incredibly selfish. Sorry jagamoe to be so blunt, but he really does.

  16. #20
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    So he stole from you?

    And if pp's are correct he stole your son's medication?

    You say he's a good dad but part of being a good dad is treating your child's mother right & role modelling a well adjusted partnership.

    I think it's time for a serious intervention and if thing don't change I'd be reevaluating the relationship.

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