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  1. #21
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    At the moment, it's not too much of an issue... just really really makes me feel stabby when someone calls me "Mrs (her last name - ex's last name)." Um... no. Never call me that again.

    It's also weird when I'm calling, say, the school about her and they say, "Last name?" and I have to clarify - mine or hers, because they're different. It's not too bad, just kind of annoying.

    I want her to have my last name - she doesn't have a thing to do with her father - but not sure how much time and money that will cost to change it. It might be too much of a hassle.

  2. #22
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    I didn't change my name when we got married and both of the children have DH's surname. I haven't encountered any prejudice or hassle yet and the children don't really know any different and just accept it.

  3. #23
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    Quote Originally Posted by River Song View Post
    DS has ex's name...DD and I have DH's...it did not start causing issues until this year. DS is really unhappy about it and wants to change his name...which is not going to happen.

    I have changed his name at karate and he is happy with that for now.

    He feels left out and it makes me really sad
    That's actually one of the reasons I'm thinking if DP and I get married, I won't take his name. Because, then, we will all have the same surname except DD. And those other kids will have their dad in their life - DD doesn't. I would feel so bad for her... so I'm thinking I will just be the odd one out alongside her. DP and my kids together can have his surname - but DD and I will have different ones... just so she's not the lone one who's different.

  4. #24
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    Thanks everyone - I'm actually (pleasantly) surprised at responses so far. I wasn't expecting the overall positivity.

    His surname is easy & common, whereas my maiden name rocks and is very unusual (related to most in phonebook!), so I'd love to have it back. I'd so much prefer to have the link to my Dad, aka my rock, rather than exDH, after everything that's gone down.

    It's really just the kids that I worry about. I kind of feel I'd be damaging a link or bond to them in some way - that sounds stupid as I type it out, but that's where my head is at! I guess I always envisaged keeping the same name as them, but never expected this to happen....quite obviously

    It's what I'm used to as well I guess. My mum kept dads surname, they've been divorced for 20yrs and all daughters have married/changed names! So it's kind of weird now that she's the only female left with his surname probably.

  5. #25
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    Thats a good point mrsharvey. A friend if mines mother kept her married name which I always found strange as her exh cheated on her but I assume she did it for get daughters. But they are both married now with different surnames anyway.

  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by SassyMummy View Post
    That's actually one of the reasons I'm thinking if DP and I get married, I won't take his name. Because, then, we will all have the same surname except DD. And those other kids will have their dad in their life - DD doesn't. I would feel so bad for her... so I'm thinking I will just be the odd one out alongside her. DP and my kids together can have his surname - but DD and I will have different ones... just so she's not the lone one who's different.
    DS calls DH daddy...and if they know his surname...they normally call both DH and I by ex's name.

    DS still has his dad in his life (calls him daddy when with him and first name any other time) and they are slowly getting a good relationship going.

    Still DS constantly says he wants the same name as his sister. I think he feels OK mostly...but it does upset him and says that as soon as he is 18 and doesn't need ex to approve he is changing it. I have told him that i think his name is important and that ex loves him and is proud that DS has his name and that he is 100% of our family...but he doesn't see it that way.

  7. The Following User Says Thank You to River Song For This Useful Post:

    SassyMummy  (12-08-2013)

  8. #27
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    Another thought - changing your name back & having your boys names hyphened? Might be easier getting the ex-DH to agree to that? That's what I would do if ever faced with the situation.

  9. #28
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    I had my dad's last name, mum has her maiden name and my brothers and step dad have step dad's name.

    I only remember asking about the names when mum and step dad got married (I was 6) I wondered why she didn't change her name.

    I know mum gets questions sometimes but after 20 years I think she has the response down pat!

    my aunt has kept her ex's last name. I remember her saying she wish she could change it, but it is part of the family business name (he was bought out) and it's important for her to keep the name based on that.

  10. #29
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    Occasionally I've had to provide a Medicare card with both my name and my child's name on it to prove that I was indeed the parent.

    My husband had bullied me into taking his name and giving it to the children when we got married. I reverted to my maiden name upon separating, and thought that I didn't mind the children having their own (his) name. However as the years dragged on and frequently getting addressed as "Mrs <childs_surname>", I've come to resent it.

    I'm in the process of getting the children's surnames changed to both surnames instead of just their fathers. Amazingly he is being co-operative in this endeavour. But, they are used to only having his, so don't really use mine even though it is now part of their name.

  11. #30
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    I'm in the same boat. I haven't officially referred my name back to my maiden name coz I want it to be the same as my DDs. I was going to wait until October when I apply for a divorce but now I'm uncertain on what to do. I have the same views as you re: the same surname as your children.
    For now I am going to keep my married name legally, but informally go by my maiden name and same goes for my DD.
    I guess at the end of the day it's just a name and one which my DD may change one day should she get married.


 

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