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  1. #1
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    Default For those with a different surname than their children

    Regardless of whether you're a single mum, unmarried, or simply chose to keep your maiden name....

    Do you find it a hassle? Are you judged in any way? Do your kids ask why?

    I'm in two minds about reverting back to my maiden name. I've always been a traditionalist in that I wanted the same surname as my children. This is even more relevant now that I've had boys.

    But....given everything exDH has put me through, and his families complete lack of support/care/contact, I despise my surname and what/who it represents. Whilst we were together nearly 10yrs, we were only married 2.5yrs when he left, so it isn't my 'identity' IYKWIM. The one and only reason I'm keeping it is for my boys.

    Is love to change their surname, but exDH wouldn't agree to that. And to be fair, that may not be what the boys want one day either. So that is not an option for now.

    Advice or experiences please?

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    I never changed my name when I got married, and nope, it's never been a hassle. Occasionally people give you a "look" when you tell them your surname is different to your kids. My kids have not noticed but my eldest is not even at school yet.

    The thing I find annoying is when my mil, my mum and other friends know that I have not and will not change my name but still address letters to me as Mrs *insert husband's surname here*

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    Have you thought about hyphenating? That way you revert back to your maiden name but still have that link to your kids surname. I hyphened my name when I married but our kids will have just DH's surname.

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    I didn't change my name either, I didn't see the point, it is such a hassle to change it and at the end of the day, my name suits me better than his.

    All the kids have Dhs surname - and no, I have never even been asked about it. I am the main contact for them at school, long day care, medicare, hospitals - no one has ever mentioned it.

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    I don't have ds's surname. And while he is only 4 it has yet to cause a single issue. He asked once why my name was different to his and daddy's and I gave a simple explanation and he was happy with that. He hasn't mentioned it since.

    Many people assume I am a single mum as I am unmarried with a 4 year-old with a different surname. But that has never bothered me. I may change my name to dp/ds's one day but only because it is a really nice name. I probably won't bother with the effort though.

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    DS has DP's surname, DD has mine. We're not married and I wouldn't change my name even if we were, and I wanted to pass on both our names so that's what we came up with. I know it's early days but so far absolutely no issues whatsoever. I find most of the time people ask 'is his surname the same as yours?' Or whatever as it's become so common for kids to have different names to one of their parents. I call all of us collectively the 'Beebees' as both mine and DP's surname start with B
    No-one has ever batted an eye over the way we've named our kids.

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    I've got a different surname to my kids and I have just learned to suck it up and not care what others think. I share part of my name with DD as FOB and I chose to do double barrel hyphenated with both of our surnames, and then DS has my exDH's surname. I do feel judged about that and it's not something I go around telling strangers, but everyone tends to assume they have the same dad so I rarely have to tell anyone about all our different names.

    It mainly becomes an issue when I enrol DD in things and they assume her surname is the same as DS's. The MCHN was very embarrassed when she turned up for DD's 2 day home visit and she had filled in the surname already, only to have to take it away to have it all re-printed.

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    I hate having a different surname to my boys. But I think that more comes from the fact that I have issues with the fact we aren't married after 11 years. Its never been a big issue its just annoying having to say my name but then say oh but his name is ..... But its so common these days and is only becoming more and more common.

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    I am engaged so haven't (obviously) changed my surname. I've encountered no judgement and don't find it a hassle. In fact, its wonderful to detect potential telemarketers...as soon as I hear someone ask for Mrs *inserts DPs surname* I tune out or hang up. They don't know me well enough to know we're not married, then they're not worth my time haha! That said (if we ever bother to get around to get married), I will change my surname, I would like us all to have the same family name.

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    Legally I've changed and professionally I kept my maiden name, it was a big decision for me as I identify with my maiden name, it's unusual and it's something that I've had my whole life. I still find it odd when I use my married name.

    I think go with what you identify with Pesca, a name is important and you need to be comfortable and feel good with it.


 

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