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  1. #11
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    I do feel very vulnerable right now and I don't see how I'm going to relax at all during this pregnancy when my mind is filled with all these thoughts about how it can all go wrong

    At the moment my best strategy is simply keeping my head low and avoid them as much as possible until both mum and sister have had time to get over it. Luckily my DH is far more tactful than I tend to be, so he's very good at letting people know I need some space without offending anyone. He's such a doll, he managed to snag a double pass to a movie preview tonight to try and keep my mind off things

    It is good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way, but also getting a different perspective, so thanks for all the support ladies - you're all wonderful

  2. #12
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    Geez, even without the risk, or the pregnancy, it isn't rude in my mind to try avoid getting sick!

    I've done IVF and know that anxiety only too well.

    If they give you any more "you're not the first woman to get pregnant" comments, tell them (politely as possible) "no, but I'm the first in this family who had to spend thousands and go through a heap of invasive procedures to become pregnant, so I think It's understandable that I'd be a little extra cautious".

  3. #13
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    People can act like you're being ridiculous, can't they? My stepson's mother called and said she thought he had scarlet fever and could DF take him to the doctor the next day. I said it was fine but that if he did have it, he would have to keep staying at her house until the rash cleared/doctor said it was fine for him to come here. I'm pregnant for cripes sake, I can't even take ibuprofen let alone decent cold & flu drugs, and no one can prove fetal exposure to it is safe. I don't think I was out of line but both bio-mum and DF acted like I was being an OTT pain in the neck. Luckily he was fine in the morning but I was prepared to stand my ground and so should you, first baby or 50th!

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marepoppin View Post
    People can act like you're being ridiculous, can't they? My stepson's mother called and said she thought he had scarlet fever and could DF take him to the doctor the next day. I said it was fine but that if he did have it, he would have to keep staying at her house until the rash cleared/doctor said it was fine for him to come here. I'm pregnant for cripes sake, I can't even take ibuprofen let alone decent cold & flu drugs, and no one can prove fetal exposure to it is safe. I don't think I was out of line but both bio-mum and DF acted like I was being an OTT pain in the neck. Luckily he was fine in the morning but I was prepared to stand my ground and so should you, first baby or 50th!
    I would have stipulated exactly the same requirements Marepoppin! There's no way I would put myself or baby at risk with something that could be potentially serious like that. Personally I would have asked my DH not to go near him until he was clear to prevent him from potentially carrying the bugs too.

    Even before being pregnant I was peeved that my stepsons mother would still insist on packing them up and bringing them over when they were sick simply because it was "our weekend". Luckily for us it's be very rare for them to be genuinely sick - they know they simply have to sniffle and bio-mum lets them off school and is at the doctors. Those kids are on antibiotics more often than they're off them - DH swears the quack she takes them too just writes out a script as soon as he sees her coming

  5. #15
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    I'm lucky well so far the only person voicing there opinion and annoying me is DH mother and stupid new boyfriend. Don't know where he gets off offering advice! I've already been questioned as to why I won't be BFing bub and in front of him talk about uncomfortable then when I say I won't be I got the third degree and a lecture lucky DH told her to stop.seriously none of her business! But then has the hide to smoke away in front of me whilst pregnant trust me people will say and do stupid things to annoy you. It sux but try stay clear of those people!

  6. #16
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    I think the best way to deal with know it all mothers .... Is to know what you are talking about and have the evidence to back it up. Otherwise you will be seen as just another precious naive 1st time mum.

    For example if you would have said to your sister: "my doctor advised me to not be around anyone who has a cough/runny nose for the first 12 weeks then she (and your mum) would have no come back.
    - Did your doctor advise you of this or is this a rule you imposed on yourself?
    (My doctor just said if anyone has an unidentified rash to stay away from then but that is because I have no chickenpox immunity apparently. There was no mention to be wary of sniffles or coughs).

    Good luck with your pregnancy I hope it is a sticky!

  7. #17
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    Having been through 3 IVF pregnancies (including one very high risk one) can I ask why you are so particularly stressed about this pregnancy? I was always told that once pregnant an IVF pregnancy is no different to any other pregnancy. I know first hand there is the stress of knowing if the pregnancy leads to miscarriage that it's not as easy as just getting pregnant again - ie you have to go through IVF all over again, which I found incredibly stressful when I was pregnant 2nd time around and had constant bleeds. It had taken us 2.5 years to get pregnant and the thought of losing the pregnancy was torture. But once I got past 12 weeks I treated it like a normal pregnancy.

    Is that what worries you OP? Or is there something about the pregnancy per se being IVF that you've been told makes it more difficult? I don't think people genuinely understand IVF unless they go through it themselves.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    Having been through 3 IVF pregnancies (including one very high risk one) can I ask why you are so particularly stressed about this pregnancy? I was always told that once pregnant an IVF pregnancy is no different to any other pregnancy. I know first hand there is the stress of knowing if the pregnancy leads to miscarriage that it's not as easy as just getting pregnant again - ie you have to go through IVF all over again, which I found incredibly stressful when I was pregnant 2nd time around and had constant bleeds. It had taken us 2.5 years to get pregnant and the thought of losing the pregnancy was torture. But once I got past 12 weeks I treated it like a normal pregnancy.

    Is that what worries you OP? Or is there something about the pregnancy per se being IVF that you've been told makes it more difficult? I don't think people genuinely understand IVF unless they go through it themselves.
    It's not the IVF part in particular which is causing me anxiety Sonja. I found out during my assessment cycle with the fertility clinic that I have antinuclear antibodies, which basically means that if my immune system finds something foreign it doesn't check to see if it's okay to be there before it starts attacking it. Without medication, my body would react to an implanted embryo much the same as a transplanted organ (as it's foreign tissue). It would clot the developing placenta and cut off nourishment to the baby. Most women with +ANA tend to miscarry around 6 weeks.

    Since before my transfer I started on medication to suppress my immune system, and now I'm also taking aspirin to thin my blood and anticoagulant injections to prevent clotting. This regime is proven to help, but there's no guarantee that it will stop it from happening. Once the placenta is fully established it seems to be okay in most cases and the body "accepts" the baby, but I'm still a while away from that yet.

  9. The Following User Says Thank You to Arlais For This Useful Post:

    Butterfly39  (04-09-2013)

  10. #19
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    Arlais hugs. This drove me insane and still does!!!! I have learnt now to just smile when someone gives me advice and as quickly as possible change the subject to something totally different about them. Stops the conversation instantly

    With your situation I would discuss that you are following your specialists advice to the letter and that they put early ivf preg in a high risk cat so you need to and have choosen to be extra careful. Some people wont get that we have worked soooo hard to get here and its actually become normal to disappointed or experience negative outcomes. So yes you will be scared and sensitive right now... and thats ok. If they cant support you or understand in this time thats ok but then you will find the support you need elsewhere x

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    Arlais  (12-08-2013)

  12. #20
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    I think there is this preconceived idea in the general population that ivf is a magic easy solution. I don't think people are really aware of the emotional and financial costs of the journey however I am really impressed at Mary Coustas for speaking out recently about it. Some of my friends don't seem to understand and you will find people giving you advice about what to do donot even understand the process. I guess the mother in law is always going to be a difficult zone. I even had someone state in front of me that i was 'barren'. Hard not to react but hey sometimes you just have to roll with the punches in life. At least we can blame hormones .......

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    Sunshinebell  (19-10-2013)


 

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