+ Reply to Thread
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 24
  1. #11
    αληθη's Avatar
    αληθη is offline BH name read as Aleethee
    Winner 2012 - One most likely to be hacked by Nomsie
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Posts
    2,961
    Thanks
    3,031
    Thanked
    805
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Dp has no idea what to do with DD when she cries. I asked him to watch her while I went for a shower, got out and heard her screaming and he was laying in bed looking completely shocked. I think some guys just don't know what to do even if you tell them.


    Sent from my talky stick

  2. #12
    Join Date
    Aug 2013
    Posts
    249
    Thanks
    112
    Thanked
    94
    Reviews
    0
    this is just a thought to encourage your DH to have more time with your DS and to give you a 'break'.....Could he do bath duty of an evening? sort of like, thats 'his thing' to do. Let him work out a little routine that he's comfortable with and that works for the 3 of you. That way he is in control of something and it may boost his confidence if he has made the routine up himself. I found when i was BF, DH felt a little useless when DS would grizzle, like there was no back up for him to use when boob was not around. I also felt like i had to do everything. I think your DH needs to re-connect with your DS in his own way.
    This may be an idea...my DH does most of the night routine when he gets home from work everynight with both my kids. He loves being hands on, he has a play with them after i have fed them dinner then starts baths ect. He likes "taking charge", giving me time to tidy up, prep dinner or just sit down lol.
    this is our night routine
    5pm Kids eat dinner
    5.30/6pm DH home and has boistrous playtime with kids!!
    6.15 he gives them both a bath/top to toe wash by himself, i asked if i should help out but he said he had worked it all out. and so he did!
    6.30 hands DS to me for feed while he finishes with DD's bath/pjs ect.
    6.45 DH reads some books with them both
    7pm DH puts them to bed. i say goodnight and let him do it!

    Im just sharing my night routine that my DH does so it can give you some ideas as to how you can get your DH more involved so your time can be free'd up of an evening, allowing you to go out at night with no worrying or coming home to chaos. I think if he is able to do some things his way, he will feel alot more confident about being alone with ds. Maybe have a sit and a talk over some wine this weekend.
    Last edited by B00ts; 09-08-2013 at 14:40.

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to B00ts For This Useful Post:

    αληθη  (09-08-2013)

  4. #13
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,997
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,895
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    Thanks so much for your responses. It helps to have my feelings validated and now I feel like I can have a conversation about it...

  5. #14
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    If you hired a babysitter, and came home to the same situation, how would you feel then?

    Im sorry OP but surely your partner can feed his hungry child and cope without you for an hour.

  6. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    mama and her little bearxxx  (09-08-2013),Mathermy  (09-08-2013)

  7. #15
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    8,546
    Thanks
    919
    Thanked
    1,250
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I would be pretty furious with hubby if he did that, but mine definitely knows better so it wouldn't be accidental. Thankfully I don't think he would but if he did we would be having words for sure. I don't think you are overreacting at all.

  8. #16
    Join Date
    Sep 2010
    Posts
    5,530
    Thanks
    377
    Thanked
    1,526
    Reviews
    7
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I can't tell you how many times I've snarled at DH "if he's crying PICK HIM UP!" I think you need to have a calm conversation, careful to not make him feel incompetent but that it's important to you that if he's crying pick him up. Keep it simple - don't go into feeding or routines but maybe explain about cortisone when crying is offset by oxytocin released when cuddling.

  9. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to duckduckgoose For This Useful Post:

    heeeeerekittykitty  (09-08-2013),Rutabaga  (09-08-2013)

  10. #17
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    NSW
    Posts
    2,354
    Thanks
    165
    Thanked
    531
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    no you're not over reacting. if my hubby did that I would have ripped him a new one.
    Sorry to say but I agree ..

  11. #18
    Join Date
    Apr 2013
    Posts
    711
    Thanks
    440
    Thanked
    318
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Definitely have the conversation about what should happen in those situations do that the expectation is very clear. We can't assume our DH's get stuff!

    And don't let it stop you going out! You need your Mummy time!

  12. #19
    harvs's Avatar
    harvs is offline Winner 2014 - Spirit of BubHub Award
    Join Date
    Jun 2012
    Posts
    9,997
    Thanks
    6,239
    Thanked
    15,895
    Reviews
    1
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 9/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 2/4/15Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 19/3/15Busiest Member of the Week200 Posts in a week
    I will try and talk to him. I already feel tense because he will get defensive and then make snarky comments about me being controlling or over emotional. I know he finds it hard, which is why I hardly go out and if I do I try and take DS as well, and I want to be supportive of his anxiety/low confidence, but, you know...it's a tiny baby we're responsible for here.

    Thanks again for the support and the feedback.

  13. #20
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    1,226
    Thanks
    427
    Thanked
    545
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Msharvey our guys sound very similar. It's hard to communicate when they start off defensively, even when you try your best to approach the topic nicely.

    Something similar happened to me when my ds was Only a few months old. I came home from the gym, which was my only 'me' activity, and ds was crying in his cot. Dh wasn't doing anything about it because we always let him grizzle a bit before going to sleep to teach him to self settle. But dh had let it go too far so I walked in to distressed cries. It broke my heart and I didn't trust dh anymore so I gave up my gym membership. It took a long time for me to trust dh alone with our son again. Eventually we worked it out by doing as the others have suggested and allowing him to become part of the daily evening routine. The extra time together really helped my husband understand what ds needs and strengthened their bond.

    I hope your discussion goes well and in the mean time keep enjoying your choir meetings, I really regret cancelling the gym! Xx


 

Similar Threads

  1. Mother in law......am I overreacting?
    By weathjess in forum Third Trimester Chat
    Replies: 50
    Last Post: 05-04-2016, 08:51
  2. Am I overreacting?
    By Chunkydunks in forum General Chat
    Replies: 24
    Last Post: 10-06-2013, 11:38

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Pebblebee
Parents spend hours looking for things they need NOW. The keys, the remote, darling daughter's treasured teddy. Stop wasting precious time looking & start finding with Bub Hub reviewed Pebblebee Smart Tag. Simply attach a Pebblebee and find it fast.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Softmats
Softmats specialises in safe, non-toxic, and durable play mats. The international Premium Dwinguler™ Play Mats and Premium Bubba Mat™ range of floor spaces are the best quality in the world.
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!