As the topic says. I'll try and keep it as brief as possible...
I've just joined a choir again which means rehearsals on Thursday evenings. I'm out from 7.30 for about three hours, and DH stays home. DS is going through a wonder week/fussy stage at the moment, so I've had to feed to sleep/cosleep for the first time in months. I really don't mind because I understand it's just a stage. I specifically said to my husband that it's likely the baby would wake up and that I've just been throwing our sleep routine out the window at the moment because it's not working.
Anyway, I got home at 10.30 to hear DS screaming inconsolably. It wasn't a protest cry. It was a distressed cry. I walked into the nursery and my husband was just sitting there looking at our son. I asked how long he'd been crying, and he said 30 mins. I asked what he'd done to try and settle him. He said he tried shush pat but that wasn't working and he wouldn't take a dummy so he just left him there. I asked if he'd fed him. He said that he 'didn't bother' because he knew I'd be home soon.
He gets very, very flustered when the baby cries, so I picked him DS up and gave him a big feed, and DH took off to bed. After I'd settled the baby, which was easy, he just needed a feed and a cuddle, I went in and said that he would have stopped crying if he'd had a cuddle, which would have lowered DH's stress levels. His response was that if you pick him up, it just takes longer to settle him anyway. I think when a baby is that distressed you have no chance of settling them in the first place!
So. For some reason this has all really distressed me. I feel like I let my son down by going out, and it was horrible to come home and see him like that. I feel so disappointed that my husband behaved this way. Any 'normal' night, his reaction (shush pat and dummy) would have worked fine, if DS had even woken up at all, but last night wasn't normal and I feel like I warned DH about that. I don't understand how you could ignore the instinct to pick up a distressed baby. Now I feel like I can't even go out. I'm also wondering if that is the intended outcome on DH's behalf.
I'm wondering if I am overreacting? Is there something I could do differently/better next time?