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  1. #1
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    Default Dealing with the exs... Where am I crossing the line??

    Hi there...
    I have been in a relationship for a little while now. I have my 3 kids. He has 3 kids. His kids and my kids go to school together. Now I have my kids full time ( every 2nd weekend with their father) and he has shared care. He used to have full time care (She had every second weekend) until her child support debt arrived in the mail. Now they have 50/50. Its very disruptive for his poor kids. He has monday school pick up to tuesday at 6. Then Thursday school pick up until Friday at 6 one week and then Thursday til Sunday the other week. She also has an older daughter that she has week on week off to a different father (its very confusing I know!) Now even though Im at school I make sure on her days to pick up and drop off I stay out of view. I just don't want to start anything. I don't like her even though I have never met her. But this week has been a good example. I had my DS1 home on Tuesday because he was sick. DP had a call from school monday to say DSS1 was sick and can you pick him up. So he left work and picked him up from school. We spent Tuesday both at home with the two sick boys and he took them back to her Tuesday night as per usual.... His son was not well, high temp, cough etc. Wednesday morning I go to drop DD at school and his son was at school and came up to me in the yard (I did a quick look around to see if she was there but she had dropped him and left, he's 5) and he was not in a good way. I called my Dp and told him. His son didnt have a singlet or beanie on, he had snot pouring out his nose. I light heartedly said "why are you here, you should be in bed" and he said mum was too busy to take the day off.
    Now that I have written this novel, my question. I feel odd feeling his forehead, waving to him or even talking to him on the days my DP isnt doing pick up or drop off. My daughter in in his class so its really stressful on those mornings. I just want to hug the poor kid and say if you dont feel good get the teacher to call your dad. Or me... But then Im not his mum.... He has a mum... She just kinda sucks and I dont know how to deal with it...

  2. #2
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    Talk to your DP about your feelings and if you can both go and talk to his teacher about this kind of situation, chances are she has had to deal with it before and might be able to offer some advice.

    Its hard but you sound like you just want to make sure the kids are ok. Can he do week on/week off with her for their kids?

  3. #3
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    I also suggested week on week off just to offer more stability but no. The kids have their activities after school on his days so if she had them a full week they would miss out on swimming gymnastics etc. I also don't know how DP would cope going a whole week without seeing them! She is actually expecting baby number 5 to her BF so my DP keeps saying just wait until that one comes along and she will lose interest in fighting with him over their three. Last year she went overseas for 3 months without any of her four children. I personally don't know how a mother could do that but thats just me! And yes all I want is his kids to be happy and healthy. When Im stashing extra school jumpers in my car for her kids it gets a bit heartbreaking. And I feel like Im overstepping my mark! We live in melbourne and its freezing at this time of year!

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    She probably has no idea you are doing things for them even on the days she has them. If she isn't bringing it up then keep doing what you need to do.

    Good luck!

  5. #5
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    Lol Thanks I keep a book with all my interactions with my ex. Im trying to get DP to do the same with his. Maybe I should start one that i can just write things down for him! I think we are just very different mothers. I work from home and am very involved with my kids. She isnt. Never did kinder duty or reading at school etc. I do all that. Thanks for the kind words! New book starting tomorrow!

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    Maybe if she dosent have to pay child support she will go back to the old arrangement? I'm against the week on week off thing and my child from previous marriage has one overnight a week with father and that's it. It's too disruptive otherwise IMO.

  7. #7
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    They are still in legal battles over settlement (3 years ago!) So he has refrained from collecting or pushing the child support issue. He just wants all the financial settlement to go through. I'm sure she loves her kids I just don't see any nurturing from the interactions I see. Mind you I only ever see while I'm hiding in the bushes!! I hate confrontation! lol. If the kids see me they run up so I keep out of sight

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    Sounds like a long shot.... But would you consider maybe communicating with her, even via letter, to offer your services if she gets stuck sometimes? Bit of an olive branch? Of course this could also open a can of worms, or get your dp to ask her? I'm so far from this situation, so understand if this advice is a load of baloney! and yay for finding love

  9. #9
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    Not too sure if you work or not, but perhaps if his kids were sick and you were home anyway. Would there have been a chance that perhaps your DP could have just sent her a message saying that DS is still sick, would you like us to keep him at home, because DW is home anway, and you could have looked after him til he was better ? Then take him to school on Thursday, and she could have just picked him up after school as normal ? Its hard on the kids when they are sick, they probably just want to stay in one place til they feel better, and in your case more secure home ?

  10. #10
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    PS hats off you too to going with that mindboogling schedule for the kids LOL. Week on week off is crappy enough for me, let alone throwing in different days LOL


 

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