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  1. #11
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    *hugs hugs hugs* I think tough love super nanny style is required.

    Can bub go to someone's house for a few nights or possibly bub & hubby? And then you & 4yo stay home. Let her yell but DON'T go in there.

    If she's smiling at you & saying hi, it's not a night terror. She will probably EVENTUALLY get tired from yelling and fall asleep OR come looking for you, at which point pick her up & carry her back to bed.

    Don't know how practical this is & will probably be 3 nights from hell but it might break the habit.

    Or schdule an appointment with a Paed/psyc

  2. #12
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    I would go into her but not engage at all in any dialogue. Say good night, tuck her in, give her a kiss & leave.

    Don't show any emotion, especially anger.

    Do it over and over again exactly the same until she quiets down & goes to sleep.

    You may need to do it dozens of times & it may be several hellish nights so put aside a few days with little demands on your time & frozen meals because you will be tired! I do think if you remain consistent & impassive it will work. She will learn that her behaviour doesn't have an effect & tire of it.

    I also wouldn't carry it into the next day - treat each day like a new day & don't give any negative attention to her behaviour the previous night.

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  4. #13
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    Far out you have tried everything. I do think super granny is right and let her screaming it out in her room. As you said she's waking the whole house up anyway so if she knows she'll get no attention from it anymore then hopefully she'll give up after a few nights.
    I know it'll be hard for all of you but a few bad nights compared to this going on for years may be worth it!!!

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  6. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    I would go into her but not engage at all in any dialogue. Say good night, tuck her in, give her a kiss & leave.

    Don't show any emotion, especially anger.

    Do it over and over again exactly the same until she quiets down & goes to sleep.

    You may need to do it dozens of times & it may be several hellish nights so put aside a few days with little demands on your time & frozen meals because you will be tired! I do think if you remain consistent & impassive it will work. She will learn that her behaviour doesn't have an effect & tire of it.

    I also wouldn't carry it into the next day - treat each day like a new day & don't give any negative attention to her behaviour the previous night.
    Exactly this!!!! Do it exactly! Try to give her no emotional response at all.

    But the first time, say "goodnight, time for sleep now", tuck her in, give her a kiss and leave.

    Next time, say, "time to sleep now", tuck her in and leave.

    Next time say nothing, place her back in bed and leave.

    No emotion, just do it, and start each day fresh and new. Don't mention night waking at all.

    Oh, one more thing, each night, when I put my dd to bed, I tell her, "go to sleep now, sleep all night long, and don't wake up until its morning time and the sun starts coming in through the windows." I think telling her what I expect of her in this nice gentle way helps.

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  8. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by grumpybump View Post
    I would go into her but not engage at all in any dialogue. Say good night, tuck her in, give her a kiss & leave.

    Don't show any emotion, especially anger.

    Do it over and over again exactly the same until she quiets down & goes to sleep.

    You may need to do it dozens of times & it may be several hellish nights so put aside a few days with little demands on your time & frozen meals because you will be tired! I do think if you remain consistent & impassive it will work. She will learn that her behaviour doesn't have an effect & tire of it.

    I also wouldn't carry it into the next day - treat each day like a new day & don't give any negative attention to her behaviour the previous night.
    Yes I've been thinking that carrying the negative feelings into the next day is just so horrible. Today has been absolutely horrible and we had a few days like this in the past two weeks. My gut was telling me today that it just isn't helping, but putting such a wedge between us. My heart feels broken today because I just had so much trouble being nice to her. I just didn't even want to see her. I feel so sad. She was so stoic and strong. She looked like an adult but she's only four. So my dh and I talked tonight and we are going to try ignoring her and not getting emotional. But it's so hard because in the middle of the night I feel like a crazy woman! Soon as I hear that sound I feel sick to my stomach. Must try harder. must must try. Thanks for your care all.

  9. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by onedayatatime View Post
    Yes I've been thinking that carrying the negative feelings into the next day is just so horrible. Today has been absolutely horrible and we had a few days like this in the past two weeks. My gut was telling me today that it just isn't helping, but putting such a wedge between us. My heart feels broken today because I just had so much trouble being nice to her. I just didn't even want to see her. I feel so sad. She was so stoic and strong. She looked like an adult but she's only four. So my dh and I talked tonight and we are going to try ignoring her and not getting emotional. But it's so hard because in the middle of the night I feel like a crazy woman! Soon as I hear that sound I feel sick to my stomach. Must try harder. must must try. Thanks for your care all.
    Aw you sound like a lovely caring mum. I think everyone has been there where you don't actually like your child all that much... they can certainly push your buttons.

    I was actually thinking that a role play might help as well - get a teddy to act up like she does at night & role play how you are going to respond, this might really help her to understand your expectations & might make the process easier for her rather than a rude shock when the 'routine' suddenly changes. They are so articulate & clever at 4 that we sometimes forget how confusing & overwhelming the world can be for them at times.

    Good luck!

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  11. #17
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    I was going to suggest not responding at all, but OP you have beat me to it. Maybe try letting her know during the day time that from now on you will not be attending to her theatrics, so she knows well ahead of time not to expect you and won't just continue blindly thinking you haven't heard her.

    Close both her and you other child's bedroom doors (if this does not cause them emotional distress) to minimise the sound or better yet have one parent stay at a motel (or on the other side of the house; or try a white noise soundtrack).

    It may be a long night but I dare say it will only be a few until she stops. I wouldn't make much mention during the day either.. Ignore it until it hopefully goes away.

    Good luck!!! If nothing else remind yourself she will eventually grow out of it

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  13. #18
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    How's it going OP?

  14. #19
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    I think you need to just ignore because she wakes the house anyway and she might get the message and give up after a few days.

    or I would go in once and ask if there is something wrong, tell her you're going back to bed. Tell her You know she's safe, and that she needs to go back to sleep and that you won't be going in anymore.
    Last edited by BigRedV; 09-08-2013 at 20:47.

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  16. #20
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    OK I am going against the grain here.

    Have you taken her to pediatrician or OT. This would be my next step. Maybe there is something real going on that she is waking.
    Oh the top of my head maybe a weighted blanket could help. It was magical for us.

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