+ Reply to Thread
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 14
  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,240
    Thanks
    2,503
    Thanked
    1,245
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts

    Default Worried about my siblings

    Hi
    Not sure if this is the right place to post this so feel free to move it but I'm just looking for some advice.

    Background: My dad is an alcoholic. Him and mum spilt up about 9/10 years ago now after he left her for someone else. She then got involved with a married man who left his wife for her. They have been together now for 8 or so years. He treats her amazingly - something she never really got from my dad. The problem is that he is a complete bully. Not towards her at all which means that she completely ignores it. She has always been one to stick her head in the sand and pretend things aren't happening if they don't suit her. We have not had a good relationship since he came on the scene mainly because he tried bullying myself and hubby and I didn't stand for it. She never stood up for me but I gave as good as I got and then we moved over to oz so I don't have to have anything to do with him.
    Over the last few years I've heard several things from my siblings that really concern me about his behaviour. A few examples:

    - they went to Portugal and he and mum basically abandoned them in the middle of a marketplace to find their own way back to the hotel
    - they stayed at a hotel overnight, put my siblings (15, 13 and 10) in a room on another floor from them and left them there from 7pm until 10am the next morning
    - my little brother couldn't finish his ice cream at a restaurant and the bf stood over him until he had eaten everything. He then went and proceeded to throw it all up. He was 7.
    - he threw my sister onto the floor after she wouldn't stop her conversation with my mum when he had decided he wanted to talk to mum.
    - he slapped my brother
    - he refused to let my sister leave the dining table until she apologised to him for licking her bowl (something my mum does ALL the time)

    There are MANY other incidents that they have mentioned but I don't have time to list them all. I have seen him be this person so I know they are telling the truth.

    The latest is that my sister (now 17) applied for a job and got an interview at a place she wanted to work. She told my mum that she wouldn't be applying at another place because of the interview (which basically meant she had the job). My mum was fine with it. The bf comes storming in and grabs my sister, forces her back against the kitchen bench and proceeds to tell her that she is a selfish b!tch, worthless, etc etc all the time grabbing her arms. She keeps telling him to stop which he won't do. He then tried to punch her in the face - which she stopped luckily. My mum does NOTHING to stop this just stands there and cries which he tells my sister is all her fault. He then goes into the playroom where my brother is on his Xbox and threatens to 'rip my brothers head off' for no reason whatsoever and chucks the Xbox across the room.

    My mum has not spilt up with this man. My sister tried to talk to her about what he did and she just blanks her. My uncle is doing his usual trick of siding with my mum to keep the peace. I told her she needs to report it to the police (it was a few months ago) even if they don't do anything at least it will be on record in case something happens again.

    They all live in the uk so I feel so powerless to help. I'm crying just writing this post because they are such lovely children and I can't help them. There is no point in talking to my mum because she will just deny everything or completely blank me out as usual. What the heck can I do? :,-(

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    827
    Thanks
    184
    Thanked
    303
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    No real advice but couldn't not reply. I am also from the UK so I know distance can be tough when things are going wrong.

    Are there any grandparents your siblings could go and stay with for a bit of a break? This might shock your mum into realising that this situation isn't suitable for her kids?

  3. The Following User Says Thank You to Pumpkin1106 For This Useful Post:

    LaDiDah  (05-08-2013)

  4. #3
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    4,765
    Thanks
    1,903
    Thanked
    2,790
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    That's not bullying, that is assault and abuse. Can you call the police in their area? Or encourage your sister to call the police?

  5. The Following 9 Users Say Thank You to shelle65 For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (05-08-2013),Eko  (11-08-2013),Ellewood  (05-08-2013),Jenga  (05-08-2013),LaDiDah  (05-08-2013),mummyrissa  (05-08-2013),NancyBlackett  (05-08-2013),PurpleButterfly4  (05-08-2013),~ElectricPink~  (05-08-2013)

  6. #4
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,240
    Thanks
    2,503
    Thanked
    1,245
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    The only grandparent they have is living with my cousins quite far away so they wouldn't be able to stay with her. I would usually have said my uncle but he told her not to call the police which I think is totally ridiculous so I can't rely on him to help them at all. He knows exactly what is going on but has done nothing. I would usually be the one pulling them out of there but I can't do that with them in the uk and me over here! I think I've managed to convince my sister to report it but I don't know if she'll go through with it or if anything will change. It just terrifies me to think that they are stuck in that situation with no one to turn to. We are going over to visit at Xmas and god help him if he shows his face. If she hasn't reported by then I'll be taking her to the station myself. I've also found an online reporting system so I'm going to sit down with her on Thursday and go through it - hopefully it'll make her more inclined to do it if she doesn't have to worry about getting to a police station.

  7. #5
    Join Date
    Mar 2013
    Posts
    5,931
    Thanks
    910
    Thanked
    4,460
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    I don't have much advice just couldn't read without posting :-(
    Just please know that, as another hubber already said, this is NOT bullying. It is abuse and there are laws in place to stop this happening. The police need to be aware of this in whatever capacity possible.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to MrsTugs For This Useful Post:

    LaDiDah  (05-08-2013)

  9. #6
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,879
    Thanks
    76
    Thanked
    631
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I also couldn't read and not reply, how awful for your siblings! I have no suggestions either but if you can report it online that sounds good. I take it your sister is the eldest? It must be hard for her feeling like she has to protect the others too. It must be so hard living far away when you know this is going on. Huge hugs!

  10. #7
    Join Date
    Apr 2012
    Posts
    3,240
    Thanks
    2,503
    Thanked
    1,245
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    She's the eldest of the 3 at home. It just makes me so angry that my mum is choosing him over them - it doesn't surprise me though which is sad. Hopefully we can do the online reporting this week and get something into the system.

  11. #8
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    Posts
    1,879
    Thanks
    76
    Thanked
    631
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Yeah that's really sad and must be very hard for you to see

  12. #9
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    827
    Thanks
    184
    Thanked
    303
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    Are you able to call the local UK police to see if they could do some kind of welfare check?
    Last edited by Pumpkin1106; 05-08-2013 at 19:13.

  13. The Following User Says Thank You to Pumpkin1106 For This Useful Post:

    babyla  (05-08-2013)

  14. #10
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Posts
    3,525
    Thanks
    1,890
    Thanked
    2,539
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Hi ladidah - this sounds awfully familiar. I so wish I had have had someone looking out for myself and my siblings like you. Good on you. I second the suggestion you make an official report. And keep talking regularly to your siblings

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Ellewood For This Useful Post:

    LaDiDah  (05-08-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Too similar for siblings?
    By River in forum Choosing Baby Names
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 30-05-2013, 18:53
  2. Siblings
    By atomicmama in forum General Chat
    Replies: 47
    Last Post: 14-03-2013, 18:44
  3. How do you *see* your half-siblings?
    By Ellewood in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 38
    Last Post: 16-10-2012, 18:01

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Shapland Swim Schools
Shapland's at participating schools offer free baby orientation classes once a month - no cost no catches. Your baby will be introduced to our "natural effects" orientation program develop by Shapland's over 3 generations, its gentle and enjoyable.
sales & new stuffsee all
Pea Pods
Buy 2 Award Winning Pea Pods Reusable One Size Nappies for only $38 (in your choice of colours) and receive a FREE roll of Bamboo Liners. Don't miss out, we don't usually have discounts on the nappies, so grab this special offer!
Special Offer! Save $12
featured supporter
Einsteinz Music
Fun & interactive music classes!
Classes are taught by professional musicians! Children are taught the fundamentals of music: beat, pitch, rhythm and tempo through hands-on experience. Click for more details!!!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!