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  1. #11
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    I think you are living in a situation that would drive me nuts too.

    However perhaps you are looking at it from the wrong angle. Perhaps your husband isn't a bad egg. Perhaps he is not procrastinating. Perhaps he has just bitten off more than he can chew and or been levied with unrealistic expectations.

    If he is working then expecting him to do renovations at the same time would be very unfair. He needs to be able to have a life as well (eg quality family time). If he is not working (as I read your post could be wrong?) then it sounds like he's still got a lot on his plate and I don't think forcing him to renovate a house when that's not what he wants to do is fair.

    Perhaps you need to take more of an active role in this situation. I don't mean to be rude but mentioning that your hubby procrastinated with having a vascectomy and that's why you have 3 kids is a little unfair and dodging responsibility. It takes 2 to Tango.
    With regards to the house either finish it yourself or hire someone to do it.

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 05-08-2013 at 17:12.

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  3. #12
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    Regarding the renovations, I agree with the PPs in suggesting smaller goals as well as offering to help so he doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

    As for the vasectomy, you can't put that blame solely on him. Did you ask why he hadn't got it done? Maybe he feels pressured to and doesn't want to, which is his right. There are many steps you can take to prevent pregnancy, it shouldn't be left up to him alone.

  4. #13
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    Meh....I think we could probably cut the OP some slack with regard to the vasectomy issue...it's probably an issue that just got caught up amongst the general frustration and stress of living in a house that's being ever so slowly renovated.

    Modern life is so freaking hard on relationships...we're all time poor and trying to squeeze everything in to too few hours.

    OP, I really like the previous posters take on this situation...although it looks like procrastination it may also be that your hubby just doesn't have time to do everything and complete it in a more timely manner. He may also feel ill eqipped to finish what could be some relatively specialist type projects.



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    Last edited by Albert01; 05-08-2013 at 09:50.

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    Just to clarify on the vasectomy issue...we now have three because either the condom didn't work or the morning after pill failed that I took as a back up when he withdrew and I was not trusting that method. I offered repeatedly to get my tubes done and I always offered that. I have suggested a thousand times we get someone into help!! I hate him doing it all but because he can he insists he will. This is why the whole thing drives me so crazy. We have no family time at all!!! He hss most definitely bitten off more then he can chew but he just wont admit it. He doesnt have the time and what time he does have he drags his feet. Like now...its almost 930 am and he's asleep...meanwhile I'm waitingbforvthe baby tobwake so I can mow the lawn. ( I took this job on as he would procrastinate on this andvi was worried about snakes. It got done twice while I was pregnant).

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    hi ck2b, I would ask him how can you help him?? would a roster of jobs help, some order of priority so he can atleast start at the most important job. ? even suggest time for you and the children to be away, so he can tackle some bigger projects without any interruptions. ? suggest s working bee, where you invite others to help for one weekend? maybe offer a carton of beer or a barbque to finish off the day, once the job is completed. Really if this sitation is driving you crazy and it is becoming dangerous for the children to be around, both of you need to get something sorted and the jobs done. I would seriously consider leaving him for some time unless he really gets into gear. Marie

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    Take charge. Get someone in to deal with the renovations and any other projects that need doing and then address the procrastination issue. Without all the jobs hanging over your heads you'll both be a in a much better frame of mind to discuss it.

  9. #17
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    I think if I was in your situation I would feel exactly like you do. Sounds as if he is lazy (and a lot like my dh - we would never attempt anything like a reno as it would take forever and do my head in!) if you can afford a labourer or something why don't you do that, even for a day or two. It might give him the kick up the bum he needs!

  10. #18
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    Ha it's funny I am having the exact opposite problem with mine.

    We have been doing home reno's for a year now. Not quite as serious a yours sound but we have a cash flow issue as well so we start and finish a new job when we get the funds. Since we have started getting tax money DH has gone full throttle with our deck and other jogs we had been putting off.

    I am so greatful he is getting it done but I am also 38 weeks pregnant with a 20 month old and its hard having him come home and work straight away an ten all weekend,

    Also since I am so pregnant I am not getting through the house work and cookig as well as I was and he has this annoying habit of walking around saying 'oh gotta clean' his or 'oh gotta put this away' and since he is effectively spending every waking minute doing his things he is effectively pointing out what he wants me to do. He doesn't quite get that I can't go full pelt to the finish line.

    Anyway just thought I would show you the other side of the coin if he were ONLY doing renovations.

  11. #19
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    DH is not a lazy guy. He is a hard strong worker and its amazing what he can get done when hevsets his mind to it. But that's just it...hes not motivated. I thinknits been going long that ges over it but too stubborn to get help in. His dad's a builder and guiding him on itball and we are on b a budget butnim atbthe point where b is borrowing another 20 grand means its finished in 2 month s then lets borrow it!

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    Why isn't he motivated?


 

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