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  1. #1
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    Default DH procrastination driving me CRAZY !!!!! Long vent

    So, DH has alwats been a procrastinar and its turning me into a nagging wife and wevare driving eachbother mad. We sre doing renovations ourselves and I hsd huge reservation s about it , duevto his procrastination, and sure enough we have been living in a building site now for going on 3 years! I am getting so fed up! And to make it worse, he will tell me it'll be finished at xyz and I believe him! We are building in our elevated house to be 2 story... I was t9ld would b fin8shed at Xmas, then told before vDS born. Now next xmas. Our lounge room has had the entire wall exposed for 8 months! I was told Jan, then march, then july and now its just in a few weeks every time I ask him. He procrastinated on getting a vasectomy. ..and now we have 3:kids. Meant to be getting a great job starting anywhere Aug to Oct hadent even but application in. Anyway. I flipped out today about the state of the entry to our house...a rubble of concrete he jackhammered up and didn't move and now he's mad at me! At what point can I say enough is enough! I am sick of living inva half finished old house with no god damn money! I am too embarrassed to have people over and its dangerous for kids anyway. He took 2 years longer to build our verandah then what he told me and the whole time he kept saying in x months in y months. Even now its 99% finished. Need painting roof panels and power and he has no plans to look at any of that. That's the other thing. He does everything 99% and never finishes. He got all they through a degree and dropped out in the last 6 months. Also I am the absolute opposite and when I set goals they are achieved which is why i have done so much in my life. This really is making me miserable and starting to affect our marriage but if I raise it he just gets his back up. This is more of a vent then anything else but any suggestions would be much appreciated.

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    Last edited by CleverClogs; 04-08-2013 at 20:29.

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    maco  (05-08-2013)

  3. #2
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    Would he be a little more motivated if you were working with him (if you're not already)? Also how are you approaching the subject with him? Even if you think you're being calm and nice you can come across as attacking him. It took me a long time to figure out how to approach some subjects with my dp without him feeling like I'm attacking him, even though I thought I was being nice. My dp also needs a kick in the butt to start/do things so I do them with him.


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    I'm impatient, I'd start it and than do a terrible job and need DH to come fix it. Other than that I don't have advice, just sympathy
    If he is unreliable with birth control you might want to take care of it yourself
    Maybe some counselling would help you communicate a bit more effectively, I hate nagging too, its depressing and frustrating

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    Thanks ladies. I don't think I'm am approaching him in the right way as we always end up arguing. However, a break through. ..he has agreed to have a calm talk tomorrow with me about all this. I apologiesed about my outburst today and explained that its been build ing up and up which is why we need to have a chat. We normally have great communication and rarely fight because of it. Anyway...now ladies I need some advice on how to approach, without attacking but getting the message across as to how ****ed off I am!

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    Can you try breaking what needs done into smaller jobs that aren't so overwhelming? If it was me I would be so overwhelmed at all the unfinished projects I wouldn't have a clue to start.

    I often write dh a to do list for the weekend. On which I prioritise what jobs I want done.

    In your case I would list things like remove concrete rubble from entry, paint verandah. Give him some things that are quick to finish so he is ticking some things off and it might motivate him.

    Oh and I second the getting in and helping him if you aren't already. More hands make it quicker.

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    What setting smaller goals within the larger task? So rather than focussing on when it will be finished, focus on each step needed and setting a timeline for those.

    I'd also seriously consider an ultimatum of sorts. If he can't stay on track with the jobs then you are going to organise for someone to come and do it instead.

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    Oh snap, Donna!

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    I think you are living in a situation that would drive me nuts too.

    However perhaps you are looking at it from the wrong angle. Perhaps your husband isn't a bad egg. Perhaps he is not procrastinating. Perhaps he has just bitten off more than he can chew and or been levied with unrealistic expectations.

    If he is working then expecting him to do renovations at the same time would be very unfair. He needs to be able to have a life as well (eg quality family time). If he is not working (as I read your post could be wrong?) then it sounds like he's still got a lot on his plate and I don't think forcing him to renovate a house when that's not what he wants to do is fair.

    Perhaps you need to take more of an active role in this situation. I don't mean to be rude but mentioning that your hubby procrastinated with having a vascectomy and that's why you have 3 kids is a little unfair and dodging responsibility. It takes 2 to Tango.
    With regards to the house either finish it yourself or hire someone to do it.

    Good luck
    Last edited by VicPark; 05-08-2013 at 17:12.

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    Regarding the renovations, I agree with the PPs in suggesting smaller goals as well as offering to help so he doesn't feel so overwhelmed.

    As for the vasectomy, you can't put that blame solely on him. Did you ask why he hadn't got it done? Maybe he feels pressured to and doesn't want to, which is his right. There are many steps you can take to prevent pregnancy, it shouldn't be left up to him alone.


 

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