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  1. #1
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    Default Light, heavy, in between women...food issues

    I have just read something in another thread which has upset me so much. I went searching for posts about emotional eating and eating disorders and found some.

    It's an opinion/attitude I have seen quite alot. Quite often when there is a thread about food addiction/emotional eating/etc. anyone 'under a certain weight' that chimes in is apparently not welcome.

    We are all women. I have never judged a large woman I don't weigh much but food addiction has all but destroyed my life. It is a major problem for me at this point in time which I why I went searching.

    Skinny women aren't allowed to feel gross because it might offend a larger women who is 'truly struggling.' We may even have 'eyes rolled' at us if we dare to say we relate. Food addiction has controlled my life for more than half of it in the form of over eating and bulimia. It has nearly taken my life through suicide attempts and drug addictions (which is nearly completely a desperate attempt to stop thinking about food and bingeing on it) and I had a mini stroke at age 34 due to throwing up everyday for seventeen years and through five pregnancies.

    Yes if I go over 55 kilos I feel gross, my every waking thought is about how awful I feel, I can feel every bit out of place on my body, every imperfection. I do not and never would think anybody else is gross. Yes I know that it is irrational, I know my weight is low at less than 55kg for my height but I have a problem just as much as someone who's food addiction manifests in them being overweight. I would not dare judge them. We are all women and need to support each other.
    Last edited by Ffrenchknickers; 03-08-2013 at 14:30.

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    JustUs3  (03-08-2013),LoveLivesHere  (03-08-2013)

  3. #2
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    Totally get where you are coming from

    I feel hugely for ANYONE struggling with weight and or food issues.

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    Ffrenchknickers  (03-08-2013)

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    So do I! I feel people's pain so acutely around this issue. But according to so many, I am being offensive to talk about an issue which has nearly killed me and certainly stolen my soul.

    It's so so awful. Yeah I'm obviously struggling and emotional today, I've had enough of living this nightmare and to see those posts have just dug the nail into the coffin a little deeper.

    Thanks x
    Last edited by Ffrenchknickers; 03-08-2013 at 14:36.

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    Sounds like I'm the opposite end of the scales to you ladies but wanted to say good on you for speaking out about how you are treated.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Ffrenchknickers View Post
    So do I! I feel people's pain so acutely around this issue. But according to so many, I am being offensive to talk about an issue which has nearly killed me and certainly stolen my soul.

    It's so so awful. Yeah I'm obviously struggling and emotional today, I've had enough of living this nightmare and to see those posts have just dug the nail into the coffin a little deeper.

    Thanks x
    Biggest hugs to you Ffrenchknickers. It sounds like you're having a tough time. I'm a bigger girl and have two close friends who have struggled all their lives with their low weight, one in particular who we thought would not survive the grip that severe anorexia took on her. Even though I don't like myself at the moment being quite overweight I've never gotten to that point of self-loathing. I'm sorry that others make you feel this way and just wanted to give you some cyber hugs xxx

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    You've had such a hard time. I can relate to this too. I think the worst part is that sometimes when you ask for help the attitude is 'You're lucky you're so thin' & that's it. You should be able to get help & support no matter what size you are. Hang in there, you are a strong person for standing up & talking about this issue.

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    Ffrenchknickers  (03-08-2013)

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    Thanks for the replies guys

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    Hugs FF. I know what you mean and it makes my heart bleed.
    The size of your earthly shell has nothing at all do with the battle that rages in your heat and mind.

    You know I lost a lot of weight and the battle only got worse the smaller I got. It is a part of the reason I stopped trying to lose weight. The fear that it was taking over every minute of my day, it was affecting every relationship i had. I went from a person who loved to hugged and touched to a scary person who i hate because i now jump at the slightest touch. It breaks my heart that when my kids go to kiss or hug me my first reaction is to jump and cringe. I am working on it as it tears me and my kids up. It all comes down to my weight issues.
    Last edited by LoveLivesHere; 04-08-2013 at 10:31.

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  15. #9
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    I came *this* close to an eating disorder before I was put in a position where my actions and reactions to trigger situations were literally out of my control. I couldn't weigh myself on a daily basis anymore because I didn't have access to scales. I couldn't count every single calorie that I ate because I wasn't preparing my food. I couldn't obsess about what I'd eaten for breakfast, what I was having for lunch and whether or not I could get away with eating less for dinner because I was too busy to think most of the time.

    Point is that I was very much in the healthy weight range for my height and not on the bottom end of that range either. I looked healthy. Not slim, but healthy. But I was at the point where the wrong trigger could have sent me completely over the edge. I teetered. Believe me. I got very VERY lucky when the control was taken away from me.
    Now I'm trying to lose weight but not to be at a specific weight so much as to fit clothes that I know I looked healthy in and felt my best in. I want to be healthy in that weight like I was before. And I know I can do it without the obsession and compulsive behaviour that I had last time because I'm FAR more relaxed about it this time.

    I guess my point is that people who judge others on how they look never know what's going on on the inside. I looked healthy, svelt but not scrawny. Athletic I guess you could say. But I had definitely danced with the ED devil and most people wouldn't have known that to look at me.

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    Huge hugs anewme and eko xxx


 

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