I'm hoping someone out there might have some advice on my dilemma. My DH & I are in our first cycle of IVF. He had a vasectomy after his second DS was born and we've had to go down the IVF route after the reversal didn't work properly.
One thing we're debating about is when to tell his sons that we're expecting a baby? The boys stay with us every other weekend and we haven't told them we're doing IVF, but they do know we want to have a baby together at some stage. They are 18 and 16.
Obviously DH is keen to share the news that they are going to have a new sibling and we have discussed various ways we can involve them in the pregnancy and with the baby so they feel included, but I'm a bit more reserved about telling them too early in the pregnancy.
Because of the risks involved in an IVF pregnancy I want to keep things quiet until after the first trimester is safely passed and we have the all clear. DH would like to be able to tell the boys as soon as I have a 7 week scan to verify the heartbeat. The problem is neither of them are good at keeping secrets - especially DSS1 (18 yr old) who is autistic with an intellectual disability, which places him about 8 years old mentally.
In the past they've been told things and asked not to say anything to other people, and they've both ignored that request and told their mother and our mutual friends - so I've got no reason to believe this would be any different. I don't want everyone knowing I'm pregnant and then potentially things going wrong and have people asking about a pregnancy that didn't go to plan.
What would you do?