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  1. #271
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    Quote Originally Posted by Atropos View Post
    For many people, formula is not their first choice but something they go to if breast feeding is not working out. In this case, there can be lots of guilt. I still carry guilt from ff my first when bf didn't work as I knew that bf is generally the optimum way to feed a baby, even though I was unable to do it.

    If you ff from birth your milk won't come in fully usually as its the baby drinking the colostrum that stimulates milk supply.

    It's great you are happy and comfortable in your choices- but we are all different
    Oh no I understand there would be guilt with some people of course! I guess I just meant that its always assumed that its a negative thing iykwim?

    I did give 3 days of breast feeding before going to formula as bubs had lost 10% of her birth weight. Just wanted to clear that up as I did at least try

  2. #272
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    Quote Originally Posted by ChickyBee View Post
    It was an easy decision for me too, but if you read through past threads about ff, there's many stories from women who couldn't breast feed, felt bad because they wanted to and there's always posts with comments like 'You just didn't try hard enough' 'I want what's best for my baby so formula isn't an option' 'formula feeding mothers are just lazy'.

    For a mother who already feels bad about not breast feeding, having others imply that she's failed as a mother must be terrible.
    FF mothers are lazy??? What a stupid thing to say!! Who says crap like that

  3. #273
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Oh no I understand there would be guilt with some people of course! I guess I just meant that its always assumed that its a negative thing iykwim?

    I did give 3 days of breast feeding before going to formula as bubs had lost 10% of her birth weight. Just wanted to clear that up as I did at least try
    It's normal for babies to lose up to 10% of body weight

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  5. #274
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    Quote Originally Posted by BigRedV View Post
    It's normal for babies to lose up to 10% of body weight
    Seriously, what was the point in writing that? The only affect it could possibly have is to make her doubt her decision to switch to formula which she has already down.

    Really surprised you would post this. A perfect example of everything we are talking about in terms of the guilt and comments that FFs get.

    My favorite is when people write things like FOR ME formula was not an option as I know BF is the best thing for baby, yadda yadda yadda. That's great, but it doesn't mean that tons of FF mothers don't know that too. It's just that they couldn't do it.

    The biggest issue is that many BF mothers just don't believe that someone gives up because they can't. They just give up too easily. It if they're trying to be a bit nicer they'll say you just didn't have the education (insulting much?) or support.

    There is more than one definition of NOT being able to breastfeed. It's not just about the mechanics of the breast and the milk. There are underlying medical conditions like thrush, vasaspasm and mastitis. Some babies can't/don't suck effectively. Some women are just in plain AGONY. And the pain they suffer is not always the same as what people who have managed to persevere went through. It can be much worse (not always of course). No woman has any idea of what another women goes through. The pain of cracked nipples is not the same for everyone. The nature of a birth and any trauma they suffer is not the same for everyone. The amount of sleep they get us not the same. All these factors and many more can mean it is not possible to BF.

    I can't believe some of the people on here to be honest.

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  7. #275
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    Quote Originally Posted by kw123 View Post
    Seriously, what was the point in writing that? The only affect it could possibly have is to make her doubt her decision to switch to formula which she has already.
    Agreed! Dumb to even mention it!
    For the record I don't doubt my decision. Not for one single second. But that comment could easily fall into the wrong hands. How sad.

  8. #276
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    Quote Originally Posted by FirstTimeMummy2012 View Post
    Agreed! Dumb to even mention it!
    For the record I don't doubt my decision. Not for one single second. But that comment could easily fall into the wrong hands. How sad. <img src="images/smilies/frown.gif" border="0" alt="" title="Frown" smilieid="11" class="inlineimg"
    Probably "because its true".

    Oh if only we could all say what was "true" as and when we wanted in life. Unfortunately there are little things called tact, social niceties, politeness...

  9. #277
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    List of things you can't say on bubhub

    : I'm proud of BF
    :I'm proud of FF
    : BF is not for me
    :FF is not for me
    :negative effects of BF
    :negative effects of FF
    ositive effects of BF
    ositive effects of FF
    : factual information about BF
    :factual information about FF

    Seriously it's getting beyond a joke! It would be nice to be able to have honest dialogue about infant feeding without having being afraid to open ones mouth lest someone else make it all about them and flog that poor decaying horse that is the ongoing battle between FF and BF.

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  11. #278
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    Agree.

    But what BigRedV said was still out of order. Of course you can't just say whatever you want however you want it. The same rules apply on here as in real life I would hope.

    A member stated her reason for switching to formula. Another member then pointed out that (in her view) that reasoning was flawed. What purpose does that serve apart from to make people feel like sh1t? So she can get it right next time? Give me a break.

    And yes I know that that is not EXACTLY what she said but the message was pretty clear.

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  13. #279
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    Ftm has been fairly vocal about her apathy towards BF, clearly it's not something she is particularly emotionally invested in, she's happy with her decision so what anyone else thinks of it is irrelevant. That's the way it should be!

    Others might read that losing 10% of a newbies body weight is somehow a problem, when its just not true. Are we seriously more comfortable with the spread of misinformation. Than we are with pointing out a fact to someone who doesn't care either way anyway?
    What about the people that do care?
    I think it's all a bit patronizing,FF mothers and BF mothers alike are entitled to the correct information about all of the options. It's patronizing to suggest that we not share it because we can't handle the truth.

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  15. #280
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    Quote Originally Posted by Secret of Cleo View Post
    Thanks for the responses. I just saw it as feeding a baby in much the same way that I get a meal on the table or prepare food for lunch boxes now. Some days it's a real chore, so I can see that people would feel some pride about getting through. 5 years is a long time, definitely can see that as something to be proud of.
    I see breastfeeding as more than just providing nutrition. Maybe that is why a see greater value in it than other women???

    If i was to formula feed, I would be trying to mimic breastfeeding as much as possible - the way baby is held, changing sides, cue (demand) feeding, skin contact, one carer...

    I understand that other people don't value this, and see benefit in being able to share care, have baby get used to more than one feed give feeds, being able to schedule feeds and measure the amount of milk that baby has taken...


 

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