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  1. #1
    Sanchia is offline "The best way to make your dreams come true, is to wake up,' - Pal Válery
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    Default Toddler Tantrum/Meltdown - What to do?

    Hi Everyone, I am usually a browser of all topics, but cant seem to find an answer for what I am looking for. If there is a topic/convo going on that I don't know about, then I apologize in advance!

    My DS just turned three and I have been enjoying the development he is going through immensely.

    This weekend has been a bit tough though! In total he had about 8 meltdowns. And by 'meltdown', I mean throwing himself down on the spot, screaming and and crying. Each time it was because he did not get what he wanted. E.g on Friday we went into a novelty shop and he was playing with all the cars, and I asked him to pick one and he did, which we bought for him, and then tried to leave. As we were leaving the shop, the meltdown began and it ended with me walking away with a screaming child under my arm, kicking and screaming. With onlookers shaking their heads or giving me the "oh dear" look.

    I guess the question is, how do I calm him down without letting him get away with what he wants?
    a) If I give in to him wont he continue to throw tantrums?
    b) It's unfair to other shoppers to "wait out" the tantrum, plus he wanted to go back into the store and grab the cars so waiting it out wasnt really an option in the above scenario.
    c) I can't talk it through with him, because he is in the midst of the tantrum, and I thought I made it clear he was only allowed one car.


    Most of the meltdowns this weekend were because he could not get his way and was upset about it. Other examples of what happened was, walking down the Esplanade by the shops, and DS wanting to go into the Seven/Eleven and then not allowed to, or leaving the beach because it was time to go home and he wasn't ready to leave. (Surprisingly, no meltdown occurred in Coles or Woolies!)

    I am also 23 weeks pregnant, and I realise he notices the changes going on around him, I want to give him everything he wants but at the same time I want him to realise that there are boundaries.

    I would love to find out what you all think, and hear about about some positive stories of meltdown management!

    Thanks in advance!!!

  2. #2
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    Stay strong! My DS is nearly 4 and the few tantrums he throws now are always about wanting to have/do something he can't. If we're at home, I ignore him until he calms down and then we have cuddles and talk about it. If we're out? I've done the pick him up and leave too.

    It must be the age. He hadn't really thrown any for ages, but lately? It's been full on.

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

  4. #3
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    Yep. I pick up and leave too, after giving two warnings.

    It's a horrible feeling marching out of a shop with a screaming child under your arm but I think it's better in the long run.

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

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    I tend to remove our toddler from the situation/setting where the meltdown is occuring. If my son started a meltdown in a shop, I'd be taking him out of there ASAP.

    We do not give in to tantrums by giving him what he wants.

    DS has been really good lately, but has been a bit unreasonable and naughty the last few days.

    My DH took him to play at the park today and all he wanted to do was run into the car park. He got promptly taken home!

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

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    I found 3 to be a tough age with my DS1. We managed the 2's relatively unscathed but 3's were awful!

    I found giving my boy plenty of warnings when we were going to leave or change activities helped greatly. Like a 5 minute warning, then 2 minutes etc. would usually be enough to avoid the meltdown. In the case of your shopping one I would have reminded him over and over that he can only have one toy. Giving in only sends the wrong message.

    Tantrums are tough and I'm dreading DS2 hitting this stage! Good luck OP

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

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    I only have one tip, this is my only successful parenting strategy... When we are somewhere fun, like the playground, and I decide its time to go, I say "Dd1, this is your five minute warning! Quick quick quick, only five minutes, quick, one last play on everything! Have you played on everything! Quick! We're running out of time!"

    Then four minutes... Three... Etc.

    I will also run with her, help her quickly climb up stairs and slide, quick go on the swings, etc. it really really works, when I get to one minute, I let her slide down the slide and we walk away.

    I used to have to manhandle her literally kicking and screaming out of playgrounds, she'd be hanging onto equipment with her arms and legs, screaming like I was attempting to kidnap her. It was horrific.

    As for meltdowns in shopping centres, she is a lot lot worse if she is tired, hungry or needs a wee. But the countdown strategy does work in toy shops too. As I tell her that I cannot buy her anything at all, but I do let her play with things. So she can play for 5 then 4, 3, 2, 1 minute. If she demands something, I say, "wow, that's a beautiful toy, I really wish we could buy it, but beautiful toys are just so many dollars, and I don't have that much money. I know baby, I'm sad we can't get it too, lets ask daddy when he gets home from work! For now, you can play with it for 5 mins... Etc"

    Hth

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

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    It also helps to clearly explain the behaviour you expect before you go out. I mean it won't prevent a tantrum per se, it just helps I think with the warnings and the consequences.

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

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    And if all else fails, bribe them. If DS is good, he knows he might get a freddo, or a matchup car. If he's not, he knows he has no chance!

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    Pajamarama  (29-07-2013),Sanchia  (29-07-2013)

  16. #9
    Sanchia is offline "The best way to make your dreams come true, is to wake up,' - Pal Válery
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    Thank you everyone,

    I will definitely try the minute warnings in the future and tell him what I expect from him before we leave home. Fingers crossed that it will help me, DH and DS enjoy our time out!

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    Bahahahahaha yeah stay strong......I have a 15 year old behaving the same way, only he is much bigger with the fit throwing.

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    Sanchia  (29-07-2013)


 

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