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  1. #1
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    Default Daycare nightmare!

    I'm just writing this as a bit of a vent. I just went to collect ds from daycare and basically I think they are over him. He has been going for 2 months for a day a week (I know more days are easier etc. but intil I go back to work we just can't afford it). He goes only for an hour and screams the whole time he is there to cuddle mummy and by then he's so distressed and upset he has to come home.

    One of the carers ignores me now when I come in (which I have a feeling she thinks I'm just a pain in the butt!) and the other one this morning when I asked how he was she just said its been 2 months its not normal for him to be like this normally after 2 weeks they are fine and said its not working. No one can calm him down, he just screams and screams the whole time. DP blames me and says I've created this by being too soft on him etc. but his younger brother is the complete opposite and its fine doing anything without me and I've treated them the same.

    Ds would never take a bottle a at 2.5 I've tried so many times to wean but he is so stubborn and gets so distressed I've never been successful. He won't sleep without me, he just wont do anything without me..not even stay at home with his father! I just don't know what to do. How do you help them get over their separation anxiety? His brother is so different. Takes a bottle, goes to sleep as soon as he is put in the cot, sleeps wonderfully. I'm just so upset that this has been so hard.

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    Sounds very stressful! Honestly I tend to agree with the day care, if after 2 months he still hasn't settled I would either give him more time there or pull him out, it's obviously not working for him, I do think the day care ladies approach is rude and I'd probably would have said something to them to that effect.
    I don't really have first hand experience I just felt for you after reading about how the daycare ladies acted toward you and what your DH said! You poor thing! Kids are different obviously your first born is more independent than your second.
    Again I'm no expert but I would start from scratch, start with leaving the room when he's engaged in play and won't notice, maybe give him more space when at the park (like step back and let him explore with his sibling) maybe get his brother involved by asking him to lead his little brother into more independence. Personally tho I wouldn't push it, if he's inconsolable when you leave my assumption is that he's just not ready. Also when you leave him with his dad... what does he do (I mean your DH?) because I would bet that if there was an amazing activity planned out he would be redirected/distacted into forgetting that you left. Just some thoughts... Again I could be completely off track!

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    Wow that sounds so stressful might sound strange but have you considered family daycare for him? A smaller and quieter environment might suit him better? My DD goes to a daycare centre but as a kid I went to a family daycarer and I remember it feeling more 'cosy' than a centre etc. just a thought. So sorry it's so difficult! That's no good that the ladies there can't deal with it!

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    I can see two sides to it as I worked in child care for 6 years. I think if after two months he is still not settling then I would pull him out. I would look at another child care or family day care. I send my daughter to family day care only 1 day a week and she loves it. I think your little one would benefit greatly from the smaller ratios.
    The child care ladies shouldnt be rude though , no matter what. Ive been in a similar situation but instead I had a good talk to thr parents. Its really stressful on carers when a child is upset all day and you cant settle them, but they should also be trying to work with you to help it in someway. If it had of only been a few weeks I would have said keep sticking with it, but two months I think is too long.

    It could be the environment, carers, other children etc setting your little one off.

    Even if you looking at family day care for a while and when older and more settled you could do child care?
    Good luck though

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    Wow that's so rude of the daycare teachers. I understand that your DS is upset but are they even giving him a chance to stay longer or finding things he may like? There's a 3 yo girl at my DD daycare that always cries but they've found she likes the little fold out lounges so when she cries they'll take the lounge everywhere even outside. Is there something that your DS is attached to that you can take?

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    Quote Originally Posted by nicolier View Post
    I can see two sides to it as I worked in child care for 6 years. I think if after two months he is still not settling then I would pull him out. I would look at another child care or family day care. I send my daughter to family day care only 1 day a week and she loves it. I think your little one would benefit greatly from the smaller ratios.
    The child care ladies shouldnt be rude though , no matter what. Ive been in a similar situation but instead I had a good talk to thr parents. Its really stressful on carers when a child is upset all day and you cant settle them, but they should also be trying to work with you to help it in someway. If it had of only been a few weeks I would have said keep sticking with it, but two months I think is too long.

    It could be the environment, carers, other children etc setting your little one off.

    Even if you looking at family day care for a while and when older and more settled you could do child care?
    Good luck though

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    This is a good perspective.

    It must be v frustrating for you, OP. Especially with your DH not being more supportive.

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    If he only goes for an hour maybe he isn't settling because he knows you'll be back in a little while? And maybe they're not trying so hard to settle him for the same reason?

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    Quote Originally Posted by rainbow road View Post
    If he only goes for an hour maybe he isn't settling because he knows you'll be back in a little while? And maybe they're not trying so hard to settle him for the same reason?
    This was my 1st thought too. Is there anyway you can leave him a little longer to see if that makes a difference? I'm actually surprised the daycare didnt suggest that before telling you it wasnt working.

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    I think one hour is far too little time, just once a week.

    My DD started full time daycare at 15 months and was pretty much settled in after 1 - 2 weeks.

    If you can't leave him there longer I would pull him out, isn't really worth it.

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    I'm reading it differently - it's the older sibling who's not coping and the OP gets called to get him after an hour as he just cries for her and can't be consoled?? Is that right OP?


 

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