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  1. #1
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    Default Am I being unreasonable?

    Would love some opinions on this one. Three years ago I moved out of Brisbane to Redcliffe. My 10 year old daughter did not want to change schools and so decided to stay in Brisbane with her father during the week and me on weekends. Since moving to Redcliffe, I have had two more gorgeous children with my new partner (15mth old DD and newborn DS). Here's where things get tricky - I'm finding the commute with the two babies really stressful - not to mention the cost of tolls, petrol and wear and tear on the car. My question is, IS IT REASONABLE TO ASK THE EX TO DO AT LEAST SOME OF THE PICK UPS AND DROP OFFS??? And if so, how often?Part of me thinks he should share the driving and another part of me thinks I should shoulder it all as I was the one that moved away. Help!

  2. #2
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    I'm not sure about the legalities of this stuff but can't you meet half way and also have your current partner mind your shared children whilst you do pick ups?

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    Yeah I would say the best bet is to each meet half way in the journey and do the hand over.

    legally I'm not sure. Are you paying CS for your DD since he has the majority of custody? if you do they I suspect legally it would be a 50/50 expectation. If you don't, then I think it would probably be expected you pay. I could be wrong though lol

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    I realise I'm new here so I understand if you take this with a grain of salt but when I was in Family Court last year trying to relocate my barrister told me that since I'm the one initiating the move I'd be the one responsible for shouldering the costs of travel so our child could spend time with his father. That seemed seriously harsh and I started to wonder if I'd ended up with a kook so I interrupted proceedings to ask the Magistrate. Her words: "You move, you pay, so you better think it through before proceeding". However I still don't think it's necessarily fair considering all of the varied circumstances that might prompt one to relocate but that's what I was told by both of them. That being said, if you can get your ex to help out with even 25% of the costs whether that's driving himself or contributing to your petrol then I'd consider it a major win.

  5. #5
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    I don't think you're being unreasonable! He should be sharing the driving with you. We moved an hour from DD's dad over a year ago and we share pick ups and drop offs. I usually drop her off and he usually picks her up. Have you spoken with him about it? I know exactly how hard the long trips with a newborn are, you poor thing! Hopefully you can work something out with him soon.

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    I think it wouldn't be unreasonable to talk to your ex, I'd say 'I know this is not your problem...' explain that traveling with two small babies is taking its toll, and ask him if he could possibly do some of the traveling at least for the time being. If he has the time and means to help you out why wouldn't he... he might need a favour too in the future... and he gets to spend some more time with his child, I always loved talks in the car with my parents.
    good luck!

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    I moved away from my X when DD1 was a baby. We live 2.5hrs apart & we both go halfway for pick ups & drop offs

  8. #8
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    Not sure if this is relevant to your situation but if you have a case through CSA just remember that if it costs a parent more than 5% of their adjusted taxable income to have contact with their child they can ask for a change to the assessment under Reason 1 (so the amount the parent has to pay in child support may be reduced in recognition of the extra costs associated with having contact with their child).

  9. #9
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    One way for each parent. Regardless of the distance.

    It's only fair and it also shows to the child that they are wanted.

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    When we moved 45 minutes away we met half way but my child lives with me. Now that the father has moved interstate he has to pay for the return flights. I think you could ask to meet half way but ultimately you are the one that moved away. Its worked out until your situation changed which is not really his fault. Could you leave the young kids with your partner instead if taking them with you?


 

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