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  1. #11
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    Ugh, ladies I read these and my heart breaks for you, god some men are just real winners huh?? Bunch of useless ball skins they are. (I won't be bitter forever) Thanks for sharing your stories, I've been feeling like such an idiot, how could I let this happen, and ashamed too. After everything with him, and this still happened after I'd left him?? Agh, I'm dreading my parents.( But my mum gets urges to snatch strangers babies to cuddle so I'm sure she will be happy too.) pesca77 I'm not sure exactly how to pm, but I'd love to chat. Sounds like you were at the same crossroad. It's positive to hear you talk about your lil boy.

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    KaraB  (15-02-2014)

  3. #12
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    The best advice I can give you is do what is best for you. In turn that will be best for your child/ren. I found being a single mum to two was actually easier than one. And in hindsight, my ex and I both agree that getting back together for the short time we did, when we did, was a mistake on both sides.

    I was in a very similar situation to you. I tend not to discuss my termination story in forum but if you would like to PM me I will tell you my story and maybe it will help. If not, thats ok too.

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    Dreamer1  (09-08-2013)

  5. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dreamer1 View Post
    Summer fun, oh you've no idea how great it is to hear you put it in this way!! Exactly!! It's the freaking hardest decision to make. You put into words my head exactly. I had to figure out exactly how to respond, so I've waited til I had enough time to I think my biggest worry is ... And this may be a big statement.... Having his child... I'm hating him so much too, so many things, the expressions on his face, his 'I'm a dirty perv' kind of laugh, he just makes me cringe, his selfish ignorant ways, manipulative, woe is me nature, he calls our dd a 'rat' as a pet name, (probably menial but it really annoys me... Not nice for a beautiful lil girl). I guess I'm afraid of seeing these traits in my kids, and it effecting how I am as a mother to them. It's hard to say this, I don't resent dd either, I worry about the future though, and what if I have a boy, like him?? It's not good for the kids, but I do kind of wish he will lose interest.... He won't though, not with another. *sigh how do you handle the thoughts of hating him? And seeing glimmers of him in your little one? (Don't get me wrong, lil ones are great because they have us too, but hope you know what I mean) please don't settle for any less than what you expect for yourself and your child, you'll find the right one, a good one if you set your mind to it (too hard settling for less!! Even when there's baby involved) x
    I know where you're coming from! How much does he see your DD now?? I guess I'm lucky in that DDs father has seen her once in the last 1.5years (not that that's great for her necessarily) so she doesn't have any of his traits or annoying habits etc. when I was seeing a psychologist she told me that children only need one 'attachment figure' so so long as that person is stable, loving, caring etc the kids will be ok. The chance of having a boy is 50/50 really, if it was a boy you just need to raise him right and teach him how to be a nice boy and I guess without bad mouthing his dad explain to him (when he's older) that behavior like that is not ok. You sound like a smart and good person, you will be ok!

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    Dreamer1  (02-09-2013),KaraB  (15-02-2014)

  7. #14
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    So I've decided not to terminate.... I'm still not feeling at ease though. Still scared sshootless. I can't find the courage to tell my parents either :/ I'm planning this weekend to tell them though. Egh. And as I guessed... Ex is hassling me (I've not told him either, nothing is sacred with him) but he is suspicious and is approaching it like a joke, teasing me etc. won't address that it is a tricky situation, as he just assumes, now especially, he has ownership over me and we will just get on with it back together. Which was my fear.. I know he is not healthy, in turn, I am not healthy with him, and that is not a good home for kids, he won't see it though, or sees it but doesnt think it matters. I don't know, maybe I'm over thinking things with him, pregnant hormones.... but he is all about possessions, what great big things he has and how it makes him look. He couldn't give a rats how my life is, or how i feel, nor what is best for babies, as long as he and his life looks good and he can carry on however likes. Egh ranting a little! I'm really hating him having to be in my life. He's seeing dd twice a week ATM. I even hate how he smells. It's gross. Just FYI... .

  8. #15
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    Hey, my situation was somewhat different to yours. Our DD was unplanned & we did consider other options, but decided we wanted to keep her...
    as others have mentioned he will pretty much be in your life regardless of your decision

    I see that you've mentioned his attitude and controlling ways towards you and all that. I was in a similar situation with my DP (and DDs father).
    He has a lot of control issues & anger issues, which we have narrowed down to his childhood (very dysfunctional family/upbringing) also some drug use.
    Luckily for us we have been able to sort out differences & work through his problems.
    regardless if you get back together, or just have to see him with visits with your DD, you need to try and sort his issues out (well not sort them out for him) but so he isn't controlling you. Especially if you stay separated, you don't want him to be controlling you iykwim? That for you would be as unhealthy as being in a relationship.
    I really hope that I don't sound mean or anything😞 just I know when I was in a similar situation how awful it was to feel like that and how hard it was for me to put my foot down & speak up, so that we could Change the situation.
    Hope everything works out well and feel free to message me if you need to talk
    Last edited by trying4no2; 03-09-2013 at 01:28.

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    Dreamer1  (11-09-2013)

  10. #16
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    Trying4no2, that's such a big thing both you and your dp have done. And it's great he had the courage and commitment to work on his stuff. Im glad for you guys. You are so very right about the controlling, he still does it from afar, and I'm just as you describe, hard to speak up and put my foot down. I've made a start in speaking up though. He hates it. I've tried since I was pregnant with dd to help him to sort his issues out. It's been over two years, he has such an arrogance about it all. It is up to him, he won't do it. It's like he just wants me to be more understanding, or something, he keeps saying dont give up on me, but he's made no changes in 2 years. In those years, he cheated again, started drinking and lies about the pot. So yep. And still turns around completely puzzled as to how I can treat him so coldly. I've let the cat out of the bag about baby, hasn't he stopped joking now.. Apparently not so funny now it's fact! Also told my parents, they have been good so far, dad especially. So that's good. Phew. One weight off! but with the ex the weight has just shifted. Ugh, it's exactly what I feared. 2am drunk calls, and putting pressure to get back together. I know I have to consider him at some level, but I just have nothing left to say to him! I have no words left for him. He's ****y because i told my family before him. He's just messaged me asking why I've kept him in the dark, ..... I have nothing to say! It's not worth entering into a discussion on anything because he just turns it to be poor him and I'm guilty. We just go round in circles. Aghhhhh. My vent! Is moving to Italy out of the question?? I can't just keep ignoring him, but just don't know how to talk to him!!


 

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