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  1. #161
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    Thanks Girl X for responding - I was actually thinking more about people who do smack or tap or whatever people call it - would they feel comfortable if someone else did the same thing? I'm not in that position with my kids as we don't have grandparents or family around very often.

    I have said often enough now that I don't believe the law is clear, and I don't accept that just because "good" parents don't go too far the law works. My mother definitely went too far, but I have a terrific relationship with her these days, and have been a model citizen pretty much my entire life, which is why I personally find anecdotal evidence difficult in this area. Those same good parents would have probably found other ways to discipline or manage situations if smacking had not been an option.

    Sometimes gov'ts are compelled to act to protect the most vulnerable even though the majority are not in harms way. I just don't see why the College of Physicians would be pushing for this if it was a problem that didn't exist.

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  3. #162
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    I think they are pushing for it, because it goes too far sometimes. I saw a fellow in the shop the other day losing it at his child. He was screeching at the top of his lungs and then yanks him up by his wrist, I thought for sure he could pop his shoulder out. Thanks isn't cool.

    As I said before, I have smacked in the past, I felt terrible, It wasn't me. I stopped doing it. I have also used various methods of "discipline" for want of a better word - hate that word. None of them were very effective, moving them off to do something else seems to be the best one of all. I do think kids need to be taught right and wrong, and I do think people have swung too far the other day. From the days of corporal punishment to almost doing nothing at all.

    We used to hang out with a mother and her son who was 6 months younger than my eldest. He was, I don't know what he was. But he used to try and scratch my sons eyes out and pull his hair. It got to the point where if we were meeting up with them my son would start to shake an cry. Her idea of telling him not to do that was "sweetheart, we don't do that to our friends, I love you little man" blah blah. Needless to say - he didn't stop. And when I found him trying to smother my week old twins with a pillow, and she pulled that one. I had to stop associating with her. I feel sorry for him as well, he will grow up and not know what is going on when he his older.

  4. #163
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I think they are pushing for it, because it goes too far sometimes. I saw a fellow in the shop the other day losing it at his child. He was screeching at the top of his lungs and then yanks him up by his wrist, I thought for sure he could pop his shoulder out. Thanks isn't cool.

    As I said before, I have smacked in the past, I felt terrible, It wasn't me. I stopped doing it. I have also used various methods of "discipline" for want of a better word - hate that word. None of them were very effective, moving them off to do something else seems to be the best one of all. I do think kids need to be taught right and wrong, and I do think people have swung too far the other day. From the days of corporal punishment to almost doing nothing at all.

    We used to hang out with a mother and her son who was 6 months younger than my eldest. He was, I don't know what he was. But he used to try and scratch my sons eyes out and pull his hair. It got to the point where if we were meeting up with them my son would start to shake an cry. Her idea of telling him not to do that was "sweetheart, we don't do that to our friends, I love you little man" blah blah. Needless to say - he didn't stop. And when I found him trying to smother my week old twins with a pillow, and she pulled that one. I had to stop associating with her. I feel sorry for him as well, he will grow up and not know what is going on when he his older.
    We have been in the same situation where another child was harming DD2 at play group. We simply stopped going. If it was my child doing it I would remove them until they behaved, and if they didn't then we'd go home. I don't allow my kids to phyisically hurt another child at all, but I don't see how smacking a child who is doing that sends a clear message either. One of DD2's friends at kindy hits his mother when he gets angry, so she smacks him. I can't follow the logic in that. My girls have largely been very gentle, but now I have a physical son who hits when he doesn't get his own way, so I get that it's difficult.

    As for the going too far, what I find interesting is even on this thread people have reflected on what they experienced as children, and how they don't see it as a problem, stories like being hit with a kettle cord wrapped in a tea towel, or a wooden spoon. To me, these are weapons and it's an assault. To those people and their parents it wasn't because they turned out ok and they knew the rules. This is why I don't think the law is clear.

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  6. #164
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    Last edited by atomicmama; 28-07-2013 at 21:52.

  7. #165
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    I guess it is our own experience that shapes our views? I was smacked, just normal bum smacks and I don't feel abused or traumatised or anything by it. But when I read about wooden spoons, cords, or you yourself being slapped across the face, I absolutely think that is abuse.

    For some reason, I don't think smacking is abusive. I don't think it is effective, and hitting a child for hitting something doesn't make sense to me either. But for some reason I just don't feel it is abusive. I don't know why.....hmm.

  8. #166
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    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    I guess it is our own experience that shapes our views? I was smacked, just normal bum smacks and I don't feel abused or traumatised or anything by it. But when I read about wooden spoons, cords, or you yourself being slapped across the face, I absolutely think that is abuse.

    For some reason, I don't think smacking is abusive. I don't think it is effective, and hitting a child for hitting something doesn't make sense to me either. But for some reason I just don't feel it is abusive. I don't know why.....hmm.
    I absolutely think that personal experience shapes people's views about this topic. Unfortunately, this can also cloud the issue. There is also a train of thought that there is a degree of cognitive dissonance surrounding this issue. Because so many people were subjected to smacking or know and love people who have done it we are loathe to consider it abusive but clearly in some circumstances it is to great detriment.

    It is also unfair to apply current or emerging social mores to years gone past. I do believe we are in a state of flux and it is becoming more and more apparent that smacking and other corporal punishment is a) not necessary b) not effective and c) potentially harmful. It will probably take a few generations to properly effect change. Recognising that there is a better, less harmful way to raise children does not mean we should automatically brand people who have practiced corporal punishment abusers.

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  10. #167
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    Quote Originally Posted by DailyDiversion View Post
    . Recognising that there is a better, less harmful way to raise children does not mean we should automatically brand people who have practiced corporal punishment abusers.
    I agree entirely. It's why I have a great relationship with my mum. She was a great mother in so many ways, she just had a terrible temper. She feels awful about it now especially as none of her kids ever hit any of our children (ie her grandchildren), and they've all turned out ok. In her day she didn't know any better.

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  12. #168
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    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    Genuine question, if parents do not like smacking then why do it when there are other options available?
    Methods of discipline that are effective for some children may not be effective for others.

    A simplistic example, but if in your workplace you were managing a painfully shy and socially awkward introvert, as well as a confident and outgoing extrovert you would adjust the way that you deliver constructive criticism, address performance concerns and even deliver praise so that your approach was right for the person you were dealing with.
    Just as teachers often have to adjust their teaching methods to suit children who learn via different methods - i.e. spatial, linguistic, kinaesthetic.
    Just as controlled crying may work effectively for one family - but not another.
    Just as ginger tea or a cracker first thing in the morning may help some women who experience morning sickness, but not for others.

    What will work to discipline one child effectively may not work on another.

    Its horses for courses.


 

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