+ Reply to Thread
Page 14 of 17 FirstFirst ... 41213141516 ... LastLast
Results 131 to 140 of 168
  1. #131
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by MeetTheBluths View Post
    Oh come on really? That has to be one of the more bizarre statements I've read on this forum.
    Why? Parents used to think beating their kids was an acceptable dicipline. When the government decided to make it illegal I wonder how many parents thought the government was trying to control their parenting. In fact, I still hear a lot of elderly people rant about the fact you can't give your kids a good beating these days and it's why we have so many "disrespectful, rude and ferral" children running around who "need a good hiding. Why in my day they would have had a good wolloping, right and proper."

    Apparently, the mentality hasn't changed. Just the severity of those good wollopings have.

    Eta: I'm not saying people who smack their kids do it because they want to give their kids one of those hidings but if I have to read the excuse "I should be allowed to smack my kids because if I'm not then the government is messing in my parenting" excuse again I might start ripping my hair out.

    Eta number 2: While smacking and belting with a broom handle/cane/fire poker are different, the mentality that it's the best thing for them for whatever reason and the government shouldn't be able to stop that is. People used to justify belting their kids with all these things to ensure they grew up as respectful adults, to make sure they learned their lesson, for big and small infractions. And it was socially and lawfully okay because it was seen to be in the best interest of the child until it was outlawed. Now people have the same mentality toward smacking. It's socially and lawfully okay because it's seen to be the best thing for their children to learn how to behave in different situations and scenarios through corporal punishment.

    Sent from my GT-I9505 using The Bub Hub mobile app
    Last edited by Jennaisme; 28-07-2013 at 11:30.

  2. #132
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Sydney South
    Posts
    1,924
    Thanks
    1,233
    Thanked
    854
    Reviews
    10
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 posts
    I don't believe in abuse, although the question is whether smacking is abuse. I don't think so, personally. But I also only really 'tap' on the hand if there is something really unsafe or after several attempts to say no and use my stern voice.

    I certainly don't believe a parent should use any kind of instrument I.e a came or belt. In my opinion that does cross the line.

    I remember my mum used a wooden spoon on me maybe 5 times in my life. Funny enough when I misbehaved all she would really have to do is shake the utensil draw where those spoons were kept and I stopped. I don't think I could use a wooden spoon on my son but it certainly was effective on me.

    I also don't think I am traumatised. My mum and I have a healthy relationship.

    I remember there was a story on the news years ago that a dad hit his son with a stick of a kind when he was naughty. Kid went to school with bruises on his back and schools reported to docs and dad was eventually charged.

    Therefore smacking to a certain degree has been illegal for awhile, patets don't just get a free pass to use how ever much force they want.

  3. #133
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    5,276
    Thanks
    3,697
    Thanked
    3,090
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by chickpea View Post
    Genuine question, if parents do not like smacking then why do it when there are other options available?
    I think a lot of parents do it because they believe it to be the most effective form of discipline.

    I don't agree with that way of thinking, but I think it's prevalent. Just like there is no evidence to support homeopathy/ not vaccinating... it doesn't stop a lot of people from doing it.

    I've heard many people (IRL) comment on people's kids being badly behaved, and attribute it to the fact that the parents don't smack.

  4. #134
    Join Date
    Oct 2010
    Posts
    2,129
    Thanks
    5,083
    Thanked
    1,220
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    I think smacking is waning regardless of law. There are heaps of responses in this thread alone where it is said that they were smacked but find (or try to) other forms of discipline instead. Like a lot of things, with each generation it is getting less and less acceptable.

    There will be pockets where it is used excessively and inappropriately and I hope that these people find themselves on child protection's radar, where they should be.

    The law change probably won't change much. I'm fence sitting.

  5. #135
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post

    I've heard many people (IRL) comment on people's kids being badly behaved, and attribute it to the fact that the parents don't smack.
    How would a person know that? i don't advertise the fact we don't smack. And to me this is exactly the sort of attitude that needs to change. My kids are extremely well behaved (when we're out) and have never, not once, been smacked, not even a tap. Next time someone comments on how well behaved they are I'm going to say it's because they aren't smacked probably would sound ridiculous but the opposite is ridiculous to me.

    On one hand people want to say it's just a tap, and it's when they're doing something dangerous, yet other comments are in the nature of undisciplined children needing a smack to learn to behave. While I don't agree the former is necessary, I have real issues with smacking for discipline. I was smacked as a form of discipline, and had a mother with a horrible temper who lashed out at us physically, and who is now filled with immense regret about how she behaved when we were kids. I often feel my temper rising with my kids, and when I remember how I felt as a child I stop myself going further and walk away. It's damn hard some days but I know my kids deserve better.
    Last edited by Sonja; 28-07-2013 at 12:52.

  6. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    DailyDiversion  (28-07-2013)

  7. #136
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    At the beach
    Posts
    10,495
    Thanks
    1,430
    Thanked
    9,004
    Reviews
    3
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    Busiest Member of the Week - week ended 17/10/14100 Posts in a week
    I just wanted to add one last thing. I don't agree that in cases of laws like this a person's personal experiences are determinative of whether or not the law is a good idea.. If you read what the college of physicians are saying they are concerned about that small number of people who don't know where to draw the line, or do but go too far and then it's too late. So far as I'm aware no one on BH falls into this category, so we really aren't the target audience. The way laws like this have operated in other countries is to give more assistance to authorities over families who are truly at risk. Many people feel the laws in this country are adequate but clearly while kids continue to be abused, or die, they are not. The law is too grey as it currently stands.

    The response to this has been eye opening. I really thought Australians would support this but I guess we're not there yet. Hopefully a good education campaign as has been proposed will be enough to get through to those people who need help on this area.

  8. The Following User Says Thank You to Sonja For This Useful Post:

    MilkingMaid  (28-07-2013)

  9. #137
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
    Posts
    4,265
    Thanks
    159
    Thanked
    1,143
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    I've heard many people (IRL) comment on people's kids being badly behaved, and attribute it to the fact that the parents don't smack.
    I too have heard this! But also have a classic example to dis-prove it DF has older children, when i met him, HIS mum (MIL) had custody of his DD who at the time was 15m. When she was around 2.5, i used to take her with me shopping etc....now, MIL was a smacker, and did verge on child abuse, though they always used an open hand, it was traumatic for me to watch, and yes, DOCs did recieve a few annonomous tip offs (which was a really hard thing to do!! from the moral dillema side) ...however, think....2yo...being held up by 1 arm (her lifting her legs, dangling, as 2yos do) and FIL, a fully grown (big, burly) man using the other hand, swung like a golf club to give her such a hard "Smack" her poor head shook from force. It made me physically sick to watch.....all because she wouldn't stop playing with the TV/DVD player buttons.
    This same child, when shopping with me, got compliments on how well behaved she was because she sat in the trolley seat babbling (language delay) away. Yet when with MIL/FIL, in public threw tantrums, screeched, etc, refused to sit anywhere, would run off etc. I never once smacked her, and we would go out twice a week at least together with/without DF.

    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    Interestingly enough though - I do think we are going into territory that is bordering ridiculous - like not being able to say "no" to kids at childcare. Seriously wtf.

    There is an early intervention educator where we are, my DS goes to the service she is at. They have a policy of not saying "no" or raising voice or anything to the kids even when they are doing the wrong thing. Even if they hurt someone etc. Is it a coincidence that her boy is one of the biggest bullies at our school? I don't know. But I do think we are going way too far the other way, and maybe that is the consequence?
    I worked in childcare (qualified/diploma level) for 7yrs. My last job, we had to live by the saying...... "Never say never, dont say dont, Not to say No". We werent alloud to raise our voices at the children, and if someone did, the director was on the floor wanting a 'friendly chat' before they had finished!
    It is difficult to get your head around initially, but it becomes 2nd nature quite quickly. I was group leader of a 2-3yo room, without smacking, yelling, or saying no...I could gain a childs attention, who, for example, was climbing on a shelf, shake my head, and point down....and without having said a word, said 2yo would climb down.

    It IS possible to raise confident, well behaved, respectful children without the use of smacking (or yelling) It is alot of work, but i think the main thing with children and "disclipline/behaviour guidance" is clear boundaries/expectations and consistency.

    ETA: yes i have once lightly tapped my DS with 4 of my fingers, across the back of his hand, as i said in a previous post...out of pure frustration in a moment of weakness....and i absolutely regret it with every bone in my body, even though he didnt even respond to it (to give an idea of how "hard" it was).....I have never done it since, and never will.
    Last edited by shadowangel0205; 28-07-2013 at 14:44.

  10. The Following User Says Thank You to shadowangel0205 For This Useful Post:

    twotrunks  (28-07-2013)

  11. #138
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Posts
    10,012
    Thanks
    14,124
    Thanked
    7,612
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 postsEmerald Star - 10,000 posts
    Awards:
    100 Posts in a week
    The yelling and smacking I can see. But the word no? And what happens when they grow up and start getting told no. Which they will, it is a part of life. I find the whole thing ridiculous. And it annoys me actually.

    Quote Originally Posted by shadowangel0205 View Post
    I too have heard this! But also have a classic example to dis-prove it DF has older children, when i met him, HIS mum (MIL) had custody of his DD who at the time was 15m. When she was around 2.5, i used to take her with me shopping etc....now, MIL was a smacker, and did verge on child abuse, though they always used an open hand, it was traumatic for me to watch, and yes, DOCs did recieve a few annonomous tip offs (which was a really hard thing to do!! from the moral dillema side) ...however, think....2yo...being held up by 1 arm (her lifting her legs, dangling, as 2yos do) and FIL, a fully grown (big, burly) man using the other hand, swung like a golf club to give her such a hard "Smack" her poor head shook from force. It made me physically sick to watch.....all because she wouldn't stop playing with the TV/DVD player buttons.
    This same child, when shopping with me, got compliments on how well behaved she was because she sat in the trolley seat babbling (language delay) away. Yet when with MIL/FIL, in public threw tantrums, screeched, etc, refused to sit anywhere, would run off etc. I never once smacked her, and we would go out twice a week at least together with/without DF.



    I worked in childcare (qualified/diploma level) for 7yrs. My last job, we had to live by the saying...... "Never say never, dont say dont, Not to say No". We werent alloud to raise our voices at the children, and if someone did, the director was on the floor wanting a 'friendly chat' before they had finished!
    It is difficult to get your head around initially, but it becomes 2nd nature quite quickly. I was group leader of a 2-3yo room, without smacking, yelling, or saying no...I could gain a childs attention, who, for example, was climbing on a shelf, shake my head, and point down....and without having said a word, said 2yo would climb down.

    It IS possible to raise confident, well behaved, respectful children without the use of smacking (or yelling) It is alot of work, but i think the main thing with children and "disclipline/behaviour guidance" is clear boundaries/expectations and consistency.

    ETA: yes i have once lightly tapped my DS with 4 of my fingers, across the back of his hand, as i said in a previous post...out of pure frustration in a moment of weakness....and i absolutely regret it with every bone in my body, even though he didnt even respond to it (to give an idea of how "hard" it was).....I have never done it since, and never will.

  12. #139
    Join Date
    Aug 2009
    Posts
    3,517
    Thanks
    432
    Thanked
    3,246
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by beebs View Post
    The yelling and smacking I can see. But the word no? And what happens when they grow up and start getting told no. Which they will, it is a part of life. I find the whole thing ridiculous. And it annoys me actually.
    I find this annoying too actually. I dont like shouting (you and I have discussed that before!) But I dont understand not saying no. Even shaking your head is still saying "no". In fact, in any way a child isn't getting what they want it's saying no. Just in a long, drawn out and exhausting way. I dont see the point in not teaching them no, either.

  13. The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Jennaisme For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (28-07-2013),Guest654  (28-07-2013)

  14. #140
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    5,276
    Thanks
    3,697
    Thanked
    3,090
    Reviews
    0
    Achievements:Topaz Star - 500 postsAmber Star - 2,000 postsAmethyst Star - 5,000 posts
    Quote Originally Posted by Sonja View Post
    How would a person know that? i don't advertise the fact we don't smack. And to me this is exactly the sort of attitude that needs to change. My kids are extremely well behaved (when we're out) and have never, not once, been smacked, not even a tap. Next time someone comments on how well behaved they are I'm going to say it's because they aren't smacked probably would sound ridiculous but the opposite is ridiculous to me.
    Oh, I agree! Please don't take that quote as evidence of something I believe or agree with.

    I've said numerous times in this thread that I don't smack. I'm against criminalising it, but it's not something I do myself. (And there are many parenting decisions I don't follow, but wouldn't want criminalised.)

    I was just suggesting it as an answer when Jennaisme asked why anyone would smack. Some people do believe it's effective as discipline, and it seems to be a common thought that the problem with 'young people today' is that parents generally don't smack any more.

  15. The Following User Says Thank You to Guest654 For This Useful Post:

    beebs  (28-07-2013)


 

Similar Threads

  1. Smacking - where's the line?
    By Guest1234 in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 229
    Last Post: 19-08-2012, 00:05
  2. Smacking
    By october in forum General Parenting Tips, Advice & Chat
    Replies: 7
    Last Post: 16-08-2012, 07:05

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
free weekly newsletters | sign up now!
who are these people who write great posts? meet our hubbub authors!
Learn how you can contribute to the hubbub!

reviews
learn how you can become a reviewer!

competitions

forum - chatting now
christmas gift guidesee all Red Stocking
Riverton Leisureplex
An Extreme Family Pass at Riverton Leisureplex is the ultimate way to cool off during the summer school holidays. The $30 Pass allows pool and waterslide access for 2 adults and 2 children, as well as a drink, popcorn and an icy pole for each person.
sales & new stuffsee all
CarmelsBeautySecrets
Growing your own natural nails is easy. Years ago, I devised a simple and very effective technique which really helps boosts the nails' growth in as little as three days! And most importantly keeps them that way.
featured supporter
LCF Fun Languages Australia
We offer foreign language lessons for children 2-12 yrs in French, Spanish, Mandarin, Italian or German as after-school and preschool clubs or private language tuition. This is play-based, full immersion language learning with proven results!
gotcha
X

Pregnant for the first-time?

Not sure where to start? We can help!

Our Insider Programs for pregnancy first-timers will lead you step-by-step through the 14 Pregnancy Must Dos!