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  1. #481
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    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin859 View Post
    How old are they Arlais? And how do you think they'll take the news??


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012
    They are 18 & 16, but neither are particularly mature. The eldest is autistic with an intellectual disability, so around the mental age of an 8 year old. He is social and engages well with people, but has no understanding of social graces or how things he says can effect others. His world revolves around him and he can react badly if things don't go the way he wants them to. Unfortunately he's having a tough time adjusting because for so long his mother has put off things by telling him "wait til you're 18". Now he has all these expectations of what he should be allowed to do now he's an "adult", but hardly any of them are realistic - which he doesn't accept. For example, he wants to get his licence, but that isn't going to happen (he lacks the awareness you need on the roads, doesn't fully understand consequences and is functionally blind in one eye). Instead of helping him come to terms with this reality and getting him familiar with the public transport system, his mother bought him L plates.

    The 16 yr old has come a long way in the past year or so, but he's very much still a daddy's boy, although thankfully not as clingy as he used to be. I get the feeling that in his ideal world everyone else would go away and it would just be him and his dad. He is constantly frustrated with his brother going on and on about things (like driving and drinking alcohol) that he will not be able to do, and is angry at his mother for letting his brother constantly get away with poor behaviour, amongst other things.

    So neither of the boys are really having a good time of things at the moment and I'm unsure how they are going to take the news. We try to provide them with a good balance of love, realistic expectations, personal responsibility and freedom. DH talks to them on the phone every night when they're not with us at alternate weekends, and occasionally we meet them during the week for dinner, so they do have a fair bit of contact with their dad and that's not going to change.

    I'm really hoping that this baby will provide us all a chance to bond together stronger as a family. I've never tried to take over the role as their mother, I've always been more like an aunt, but I'm hoping being the mum of their little brother or sister will help to bring us closer.

    Sorry for the novel!

  2. #482
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    Wow. That makes the whole situation a lot harder that you're in... 😔 But seriously, what kind of bloody mother would say that if there were no real chances the poor kid could actually get his license!!!

    Some people!!!


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

  3. #483
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    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin859 View Post
    Wow. That makes the whole situation a lot harder that you're in... ������ But seriously, what kind of bloody mother would say that if there were no real chances the poor kid could actually get his license!!!

    Some people!!!


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012
    She's trying not to dash his hopes, but instead of gently steering him towards alternatives and helping him accept some limitations she indulges him instead. And if one person is telling you that you can have anything you want and the other person is saying no, who is a kid going to naturally believe?

    My DH has always been told he's being harsh and mean by having realistic expectations of his kids, and trying to teach them to work for what they want in life. When offered the choice of who they wanted to live with when their parents broke up the boys said "mum, because she's easier and we can get away with more". It may have seemed like a better choice as children, but as adults they are really going to struggle when they realise not everyone will let them do what they please.

    Step families sure are tricky, I never imagined myself as part of one, but sometimes it just comes as part of a package deal! I'm sure that once our little blob is actually here, he or she will wrap their big brothers around their little finger - I just hope they come to like the idea in the meantime

  4. #484
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    Quote Originally Posted by Arlais View Post
    She's trying not to dash his hopes, but instead of gently steering him towards alternatives and helping him accept some limitations she indulges him instead. And if one person is telling you that you can have anything you want and the other person is saying no, who is a kid going to naturally believe?

    My DH has always been told he's being harsh and mean by having realistic expectations of his kids, and trying to teach them to work for what they want in life. When offered the choice of who they wanted to live with when their parents broke up the boys said "mum, because she's easier and we can get away with more". It may have seemed like a better choice as children, but as adults they are really going to struggle when they realise not everyone will let them do what they please.

    Step families sure are tricky, I never imagined myself as part of one, but sometimes it just comes as part of a package deal! I'm sure that once our little blob is actually here, he or she will wrap their big brothers around their little finger - I just hope they come to like the idea in the meantime
    Wishing you the best of luck with that! I really hope the boys take it well when you tell them and that it does bring you all closer together!!!


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

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    Arlais  (05-09-2013)

  6. #485
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    Compromise has been reached DH will tell the youngest (he'd be the one most upset to hear from anyone else), but he'll be sworn to secrecy for the next few weeks. That way we won't feel pressured to announce early, but gives DH the peace of mind he needs.

    I do feel a little guilty about not including the oldest just yet, but we agreed that it means more to us to feel safe telling everyone than the small amount he may feel annoyed at not being told first. Yes we are placing our feelings above his in this case, but he doesn't process or understand things the same as a "normal" child would, and the consequences for us would be greater if the worst was to happen.


    Sent from my HTC One X using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. #486
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    Sounds like a plan! Will this still be happening this weekend?


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

  8. #487
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    Quote Originally Posted by munchkin859 View Post
    Sounds like a plan! Will this still be happening this weekend?


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

    Yes it will. Got plenty to keep everyone occupied this weekend so not too much time to dwell on things. We get to pick up the keys to our new house this afternoon!!

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  10. #488
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    Sounds like a good compromise Arlais!! Hope it all goes well!! How exciting getting the keys to your new place too!!!

    My work friends are sooooo onto me. Have been away all week and went back for a bit today and they made it quite obvious why they think I'm sick! And I didn't do anything that would trigger suspicion. It's getting harder and harder to keep this a secret!!

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    Arlais  (06-09-2013)

  12. #489
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    Grey news about the keys Arlais! Enjoy moving! It's a biarch!!

    And Lilac - I was going to tell my boss today, but she's been in and out of meetings so I don't know if I'll have time. I'll be 10 weeks tomorrow so figure why not. That way I can at least dart talking about things at work with my team... And plus, my colleague is planning our Christmas drinks, and we have another staff function next month and she mentioned about us going for drinks and a meal after... I feel like screaming stop making all of these alcoholic plans!!!!


    Angel Baby ~Skye~ 21/11/2012

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    Arlais  (06-09-2013)

  14. #490
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    Hi ladies! Haven't had much time to get on here this week. Hope you're all travelling well and aren't too sick. I think I can almost safely say that my all-day sickness is on its way out (touch wood) and thank goodness

    Arlais, sounds like you and dh have a good plan, hope it all goes smoothly this weekend :thumbup: you both seem to have a lots of good common sense and empathy, shame about the boys' mum...

    Lilac, things are soooo much easier when the ppl you work with know! I was always being harrassed about whether I was utd or not (from my colleagues AND from my dd!). I decided to tell mine early because I had been so sick, but then of course things started getting a little easier to manage, but what do you do?!

    Astro, glad your appointment went so well. I think it's so good that your Ob is excited for you

    Hi munchkin!!

    Have a good weekend


 

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