My sweet baby boy had a bleed on his brain at 5 days old. He is now nearly 4 months old and, after some 6+ weeks in hospital, he is home again with us. After many many tests and doctors and scans and MRIs and other horrid things, the doctor still have no definitive reason for the bleed and can't really tell us much more than 'wait and see'. He is doing ok, I guess, though there is definitely some damage to his eyes (perhaps 3rd nerve damage but again, wait and see!) and we have started on the road of doctor/speech/physio/OT etc visits. Bubby had 2 EVDs during his time in hospital but then the bleed/clot/blockage cleared itself out and pretty much we were able to bring him home very soon after that.
I guess I am hoping that there might be some other people around who might have had similar issues with their kids or who might just be able to offer me some advice on how I am feeling and coping these days. I think that there is a massive level of grief on my behalf for the fact that I feel so ripped off that there was no enjoyment of having a new baby and that I was so physically removed from him for so long. At the same time I feel like I need to smack myself around the head and be grateful (which I truly am!) that he is still here and is doing ok. But when does the horror of him having been so sick fade? When can I look at him and not feel sad for what he's been through and not worry about his future? I can rationalise that these feelings are all probably quite normal to have but then I also wonder that maybe I should be getting past it all now? Do I need to get help or will all this yuk fade more as time goes on?
Anyway, apologies for the confused nature of this post. I have been thinking about writing it for so long but have really struggled to get down my feelings down in any logical type of order. Not sure that I have really succeeded much this time either.......