I was thrilled to see that second pink line on my pregnancy test. I was so excited to be pregnant again even though my first pregnancy was extremely tough (I had severe morning sickness right up until the day my DD was born).
I went for a dating scan (on my own because my DH stayed home to watch our 2 year old DD) at eight weeks and I was excited to hear my baby's heart beat. The lady doing the ultrasound went quiet and said she was just going to get another doctor to come in and take a look. My heart sank. The other doctor came in and gently told me that the baby (which they had trouble measuring) was only the size of a 6w+5d foetus and had a slow heart rate. I immediately asked if I was going to lose my baby. She didn't give me a straight answer and even said my dates could be wrong and I could have ovulated later.
I waited until I got to my car before I burst into tears. I immediately called my OB but she wasn't in until the next day and was going to call me back. I went home and told my DH what had happened and he was hopeful and told me not to worry.
My OB called the next morning and said she had seen the results of the scan and told me that it didn't look good. I was due to see her in 6 days so she said she would do a scan when I came for my appointment.
The next 6 days were the longest and hardest of my life. I spent most of the time feeling anxious and I just cried and cried. After a few days my morning sickness eased a bit. I knew then that something was wrong. I still had no other symptoms to suggest I was miscarrying.
The day finally came to see my OB and she did a quick scan in her room. She said she couldn't see much on her machine so she sent me off for an emergency scan (which would be more accurate).
I lay crying on the table while I had my internal ultrasound. The lady doing the scan told my DH and I that there was no heartbeat. The doctor came in to confirm it and he spent a long time having a good look. He believes the baby died probably the day after I had my first scan.
We went straight back to my OB's rooms and she gently told me what my options were. I said I wanted to have a D&C ASAP as I was freaked out that I had been carrying around my dead baby for nearly a week. It was then that she told me that I had been pregnant with identical twins. They believe that the egg failed to split properly and one of the twins must have died earlier on because it had started to absorb. I was devastated.
Two days later I arrived at the hospital to have my D&C. I still had no cramping, spotting or bleeding. I cried the entire time I was at the hospital. My OB was so lovely. She held my hand while I was waiting to be put to sleep.
That night I was in a lot of pain and had quite a lot of bleeding that lasted for more than four weeks. I spent the next two weeks walking around like a zombie. I couldn't sleep and I couldn't function.
It has been nearly seven weeks since my D&C and we have started TTC again. I'm anxious and I know if I fall pregnant again it will be a very worrying time. I'm scared I could miscarry again and I don't think I would be strong enough to experience that again. I found that the only thing that has helped me feel better is time. It is getting easier as time goes on.
Sorry for the long post. Thank you for reading my story.