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  1. #1
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    Default Vent - parents favour my sister

    I feel a bit silly writing this as an adult but just have to get it out somewhere.

    My sister has 2 young kids, and ever since she had her first, my parents have always gone over to her house and surprised her with things that she wants / needs done, like when they were away, painting the guttering on their whole house or mowing their lawn. Also mum goes over often (about 1-2 times per month) and cleans her house or does her washing. Since I had my daughter almost 5 months ago, mum was babysitting for me once so did our ironing (I'm very grateful for her doing it) but has never offered to do anything else for us. Last week and the week before I had a really terrible time with my daughter which my mum knew about and she didn't offer to come and help me at all, but she looked after my sisters kids for 3 days each week.

    Today, my dad cleaned up their driveway (BIL mowed but didn't clean the grass cuttings off the driveway) and tidied their garage (it's a single garage but absolutely full of crap). Mum brought all their washing home to her house yesterday and washed, dried and folded it, and also cleaned both kids wardrobes out and cleaned their bedrooms from top to bottom. Mum said "I like the kids to have their things nice" and I said "but it won't last" and she said "well what can I do, I can't go over there every week and clean it up" - umm just don't do it and come and help me!

    My house is modest but I try hard to keep it clean and keep on top of my housework even if I'm having a difficult time with my daughter, whereas my sister rarely does housework and doesn't seem to appreciate it when anyone helps (or else she'd try to keep it clean!). I would LOVE it if mum came to do my washing one day and would appreciate it forever, especially when my daughter is being difficult but she just never helps me.

    Ok vent over!!

  2. #2
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    Sounds like they do a lot more for your sister

    Maybe your mum thinks you have your act together and you don't really need her help?

    Sounds like your sister is perhaps a bit disorganised and your parents really feel they need to help her for the kids sake?

    I can understand why this is bothering you. Perhaps tell your parents how you feel and that you find it upsetting that they lavish so much attention on your sister when you could really do with a little help yourself?

    They may not even realise what they are doing, they're just used to helping your sister all the time so it's nothing new to them.

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    HugsBunny  (19-07-2013)

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    I hear you. My in laws are the same with my SIL. For someone so pampered, sure is getting her bum wiped for her all the time... and she doesn't even have kids.!!! As for us - with 3 under 4, well my hubby just got told by his mum he should have kept his d**k in his pants and not her problem. charming. I'll remember that when she's 80 and needs help.

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    I'm frustrated on your behalf just reading this! You poor thing!

    My parents are very generous and love to help me out, but the do the same for my brother. There is no favourite. I can understand how these situations lead to bitterness and rivalry.

    Are you the "capable" one? Perhaps they see you as so strong and capable, and your sister appears to be struggling and needy? If that is the case, I guess it is an almost compliment that they think you are so good at your job. A pretty cr@ppy compliment, sure, but a compliment of sorts!

    Sent from my GT-N8010 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    Quote Originally Posted by Minchi View Post
    I hear you. My in laws are the same with my SIL. For someone so pampered, sure is getting her bum wiped for her all the time... and she doesn't even have kids.!!! As for us - with 3 under 4, well my hubby just got told by his mum he should have kept his d**k in his pants and not her problem. charming. I'll remember that when she's 80 and needs help.
    Omg sounds like my SIL. She owns her own home, but still lives with mil (as do we until we buy this year) yet if she ever wants to do anything she asks sils permission! They bought a house without him but don't think its a big deal.... I invited them wedding dress shopping and they were working yet called me from a garage sale! WHAT A KICK IN THE GUTS! It's okay, we will be moved in a month or so and have our beautiful family!!!


    Idammed

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    Quote Originally Posted by JR03 View Post
    I feel a bit silly writing this as an adult but just have to get it out somewhere.

    My sister has 2 young kids, and ever since she had her first, my parents have always gone over to her house and surprised her with things that she wants / needs done, like when they were away, painting the guttering on their whole house or mowing their lawn. Also mum goes over often (about 1-2 times per month) and cleans her house or does her washing. Since I had my daughter almost 5 months ago, mum was babysitting for me once so did our ironing (I'm very grateful for her doing it) but has never offered to do anything else for us. Last week and the week before I had a really terrible time with my daughter which my mum knew about and she didn't offer to come and help me at all, but she looked after my sisters kids for 3 days each week.

    Today, my dad cleaned up their driveway (BIL mowed but didn't clean the grass cuttings off the driveway) and tidied their garage (it's a single garage but absolutely full of crap). Mum brought all their washing home to her house yesterday and washed, dried and folded it, and also cleaned both kids wardrobes out and cleaned their bedrooms from top to bottom. Mum said "I like the kids to have their things nice" and I said "but it won't last" and she said "well what can I do, I can't go over there every week and clean it up" - umm just don't do it and come and help me!

    My house is modest but I try hard to keep it clean and keep on top of my housework even if I'm having a difficult time with my daughter, whereas my sister rarely does housework and doesn't seem to appreciate it when anyone helps (or else she'd try to keep it clean!). I would LOVE it if mum came to do my washing one day and would appreciate it forever, especially when my daughter is being difficult but she just never helps me.

    Ok vent over!!
    I would say something calmy and say why aren't you as interested? Do you want to come over more? I need a break etc... I feel for you. My parents haven't seen my daughter in over 6 weeks. Big hugs. I know its hard and I don't think its a jealousy thing, but maybe your mum isn't used to having a new grand child yet. Invite her over, ask for more help. Sometimes they don't know you need help without asking. (Myself I'm too stubborn😬)


    Idammed

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    Argh I felt frustrated reading your post! That would upset and frustrate me a lot! Have you tried talking to them at all?

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    I think it sounds like your parents just think your sister needs more help than you. If she is lazy and doesn't do any housework maybe they feel like they have to do it, as PP suggested, for her children's sake.
    Honestly as an adult I'd be embarrassed to have someone over at my house cleaning all the time unless I was paying them.

    Have you ever actually asked your mum to help you? Maybe she thinks you're doing alright on your own.

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  11. #9
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    I have this with my MIL, she is always cleaning and babysitting for my SIL. She does it because she feels that her kids need it more than my kids, because I handle my kids, housework and paid work better than my SIL. But I know that if I asked her she would help me too. You might need to ask instead of dropping hints - not always easy though.
    Maybe just ask her to come round for coffee and while she visits ask if she would mind watching bubs while you have a shower/bath/sleep or run to the supermarket.
    Hope you find a solution.

  12. #10
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    Thanks for all your responses, it's reassuring to read that I'm not just reading into this too much. In response to a PP, I do think that my parents see both my husband and I as being more capable so maybe that is why they don't offer to help us. My husband also suggested last night that maybe because they see that we're proud of what we've worked hard to get, they think we'd rather do things ourselves.

    I've never said anything to them because I don't want to come across as ungrateful or jealous and I kind of feel that by bringing it to my parents attention they might get a bit defensive or feel like I'm forcing them to help us. I think I'll just suck it up and next time I'm struggling, just come out and ask for help (hopefully mums not busy at my sisters house that day haha).


 

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