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  1. #1
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    Default Do I need to see a professional?

    So ds is almost 4 and still very impulsive. The health nurse said he seems normal.
    Daycare/ kinder are fantastic and are working with him, but I feel that maybe we need more help?
    Last week at daycare ds was great, only minor incidents. He has made friends, is funny and very affectionate. However today was one of his 'off' days.
    Lots of snatching, breaking others building blocks, throwing sand, snatching and destroying (eg- paper plane).
    When asked why he did something, he has no reason. He is genuinely sorry and apologies to the child.
    But 10min later he will do something again.
    I think today was worse because most kids were back after school holidays and I did overhear one teacher say it was a little more crazy today.

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    It's really hard to know what to do, and we have grappled with the same question for the last couple of years.

    My son is a year older than yours, and his behaviour became so extreme that we did end up seeing someone.

    I saw the GP, who gave me a referral to a psych and a paed (just a general one as will have to wait ages for developmental paed). Also have an OT referral. It's a bit of a frustrating process as I think they just sort of make an educated guess and then test their hypothesis with treatment. Eg. they think my son has attachment issues so he is angry and defiant due to fear and insecurity.

    We also got a full blood test to rule out any deficiencies.

    If you are worried, have a chat with your GP. at least in Brisbane, it is difficult to see a developmental paed, so maybe even consider going on a waiting list now if you foresee wanting to see one in the future.

    The other thing I wish I did (hindsight is a wonderful thing) was do a parenting course or get some parenting or behavioural advice before things got really bad. The stuff they tell you is what you could read for yourself in a textbook or on the internet, but there is something helpful about having a third party telling you what to do and getting input.

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    You know your child best of all and I would trust your instincts. Has there been a change in behaviour since the big testosterone boost he would have got? Is his behaviour the same at home as at childcare? If it were me I'd want to rule out factors like diet, additives and allergies and try some parenting techniques (123 Magic springs to mind) first.

    I'm a teacher and have seen some examples of the 'spirit' being knocked out of heavily medicated kids. Not saying medication isn't appropriate in some situations, but I believe professionals are sometimes quick to label and medicate. Have his childcare workers made this suggestion?

    He kinda sorta sounds like a typical 4 year old boy to me, who is sitting as the big fish in the pond at childcare. School usually knocks that out of them :-)

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    Kinder just suggest I follow the same discipline as them.
    - stop, reasons why, feelings, distract etc

    Time out doesn't seem to work. He won't stay still!

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    Does he have any issues with oral language or speech? Sometimes that can lead to impulsive/destructive behaviour when children can't express themselves, and they become frustrated.

    Is he more visual? I've used red and amber 'stoplight' cards if you can see that he's about to do something, you can flash red for stop or amber for think about it...

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    Thanks!
    He was an early talker, so great speech.

    :-(

    I'm just confused.
    It's like he doesn't think before he acts.

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    There is a big testosterone surge at 4 which often explains this impulsive behaviour. Totally normal.

    I also wouldn't bother asking why - they don't know why! They just do it without thinking and they don't consider consequences at this stage.

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    He'll be 4 next month. This is all nothing new though. It's been up and down since he was 2.5

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    He'll be 4 next month. This is all nothing new though. It's been up and down since he was 2.5

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    Hmmm, if you think his behaviour is beyond the "typical" spirited 4 yr old there's no harm in seeing your gp for a referral to a paediatrician?


 

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