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  1. #71
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    Wow I've always been of the opinion, your money and his money is no longer once married, and it becomes "ours".

  2. #72
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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnieMouse81 View Post
    I'd be rethinking my marriage if DH suggested that I back pay mortgage payments or let his Dad decide what was reasonable. Both of these raise alarm bells for me about trust and responsibility
    Yep, I agree. I'm gob smacked at his comments.
    I'd be either living at my mum's or as a PP mentioned in hot water for domestic violence if my DH said that to me.
    I'd hit him up with the $1250/w bill for child care AND add some for cleaning duties and cooking.
    You are far more tolerant than me and trust me I'm a tolerant woman!

  3. #73
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    I'm tolerant because I always get my own way on important stuff - by using the feather instead of the sword I just need to formulate solid arguments and consider the situation first, rather than freaking out and starting a fight

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  5. #74
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malon20 View Post
    Ok, so I have progressed a little! He is open to the idea of a joint account (thinks it's a good idea, in fact), but hasn't quite agreed on the whole 'equal sharing' thing. He even suggested last night that when I'm back to earning a similar wage to him, I should back-pay him for all the mortgage contributions I didn't make during maternity leave! Anyway, he's going to speak to his dad for advice, and I'm pretty sure his dad will agree with me, so ....nearly there!
    Oh wow ... I don't even know what to say to that

    Back pay? Is this guy for real?? OP that would be my cue to tell him where to go!

    Before maternity leave my pay was play and holiday money and we lived off DH's. Now my PPL goes into my account, I transfer it into our home loan account and I have a card that I pay everything with and DH tops it with the PPL or his pay. His money is my money

    I'm sorry your partner I'd being such an a$$. It's his baby too ... does he realise this??

  6. #75
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    Agree with most other posters on here- joint bank account makes it easier.
    Its always a tricky one tho. Look at it from the outside, you are leaving your well-paid job to be the primary carer for the child. You are missing out on your income, your super contributions, and your career advancements while you do this. It only seems fair that your husband makes up some of this difference.

    You are taking on the traditional role of being a mother, so he needs to be the traditional bread-winner, even if its just a temporary arrangment.

    Good luck!

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  8. #76
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    Quote Originally Posted by Busy Bee View Post
    Wow! How do you do it?

    ETA: I am honestly curious as how this works. Like, while your home he is home too but he doesn't help with the baby but helps with the cleaning and cooking?
    Pretty much but add 'sometimes' after cleaning and cooking. Don't want to derail the thread into a discussion about my sh!tful life, but I felt it was worth providing an example of why some married couples don't always combine everything, as people seemed to have a pretty strong opinion on that.

  9. #77
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    I don't think one joint account with both people accessing it works for all couples, especially if finances are a bit tight. Too easy for people to feel things are uneven, or if both are spenders for the account to be empty when money is needed.

    We have a few accounts. We each have an individual account, and there are a few joint accounts, although one person generally controls each of these. From the main income earner's account, certain amount of money is transferred to a 'joint account' for bills each fortnight.

    Each person having their own money allows them to save for something special or to splurge on something, without having to get permission from the other.

    Money is a really tricky area, and can put pressure on the relationship, when the two people have different earning capabilities. Trying to increase the communication and devlop some guidelines between the two of you now is a good thing. If you find you can't come to a solution, getting outside help might be worth looking into. Relationships Australia has a pretty good reputation if you want a starting base.

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  11. #78
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    OP, I feel for you. I have a partner who is a very much like yours. Every single thing used to be split down the middle (financially only of course, I was still made to look after cleaning/cooking etc). He even made me pay him back at $19 a week when he paid for our one night stay at SeaWorld for our son's 1st birthday... I haven't been able to read the thread properly but I will when I get a proper moment. I just wanted to share that their others out there in a similar situation. It's really unfair and seriously deranged thinking on their behalf. Again I will reply properly when I have a moment

  12. #79
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    I can't relate to you, as I am not in that situation, all marriages are different. My husband and I are on the farm, so my husband does the fair share of the work, especially the more physical side, as I can't at the moment as I am 18 weeks pregnant. But we just pay everything out of our joint account, he has never made me feel like I am not contributing enough as I am not working, nor will I be when the bub is born. I do all our house chores and book keeping, am often help on the farm where ever I can, be is driving stock in, shifting machinery, even driving machinery where I can. Our relationship is about working together and we have never had his and hers money. I know that doesn't help you much but that's how we do it so interest sake and it works well for us, but like I said everyone is different and things work differently for everyone! Good luck with your baby!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by Malon20 View Post
    He even suggested last night that when I'm back to earning a similar wage to him, I should back-pay him for all the mortgage contributions I didn't make during maternity leave!
    Wtf? How old is he? I don't mean to be rude but does he actually love you and see you as a life partner?

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