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  1. #61
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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    I just did the maths, if you were to have a full time nanny (50 hours a week) you would be up for $1250 per week. That is the real cost of what you are providing for free. Please tell him that. I'm so cross for you, OP!
    Yes. So deduct this from your 'share' of the mortgage contribution.

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    Oh dear, I can see big issues about money in the future if he doesn't change his attitude pronto. I think parenthood is going to be quite a shock to him. He's treating you like a business partner who's defaulting on business repayments. And he needs to ask his father first? It's like you're the lesser business partner to add insult to injury.

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    I'd be rethinking my marriage if DH suggested that I back pay mortgage payments or let his Dad decide what was reasonable. Both of these raise alarm bells for me about trust and responsibility

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  6. #64
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malon20 View Post
    Ok, so I have progressed a little! He is open to the idea of a joint account (thinks it's a good idea, in fact), but hasn't quite agreed on the whole 'equal sharing' thing. He even suggested last night that when I'm back to earning a similar wage to him, I should back-pay him for all the mortgage contributions I didn't make during maternity leave! Anyway, he's going to speak to his dad for advice, and I'm pretty sure his dad will agree with me, so ....nearly there!


    That's quite a scary attitude he has got there.

    Hopefully that was just the first thing that fell out of his mouth, before his brain had actually engaged, and when he has time to think about it logically, then he will see how ridiculous his idea actually is!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    Yes. So deduct this from your 'share' of the mortgage contribution.
    At $1250 a week, I reckon she'd be BILLING him!!

    Has his past behaviour given you to think this kind of behaviour would continue?

    Also, it almost sounds like a passive agressive way of telling you that you are going to need to go back to work 'pronto' to 'pay your way'.

    What are YOUR plans as far as that goes, and do you think he might put a lot of pressure on you to return to work earlier than you are comfortable, keeping in mind that many women intend to return to work within the first 6 - 12 months of having the baby and then decide when baby is born, that they in fact want to stay at home longer than that (I was one that stayed home longer than I originally intended)
    Last edited by MilkingMaid; 17-07-2013 at 12:55.

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    I might be too cynical but am I the only one who thinks that the OP may not be entirely.... Factual?

    Apologies if that's not the case. It's just that I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life! Not the OP - her partner of course.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pina Colada View Post
    Being the sole breadwinner in no way makes a person more responsible of overseeing the spending.

    By your logic, should a SAHP be able to make all parenting decisions on their own regardless of the working parents opinion or views?
    Perhaps I should add I am also a SAHM for at least a year and probably next year taking unpaid leave living off my savings because DH doesn't want to be a carer who is 'lumped with the baby', I do almost 100% of caring, and equal shares of cleaning and cooking?

    So yes, I do feel that I have a right to be responsible for overseeing spending because it is not an equitable relationship. He is not a SAHP while I am working - I am all things. I also transfer about half of my pay into his account every week and don't question his spending, but I believe I would have the right to given our circumstances.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MinnieMouse81 View Post
    I'd be rethinking my marriage if DH suggested that I back pay mortgage payments or let his Dad decide what was reasonable. Both of these raise alarm bells for me about trust and responsibility
    Yup agree with this. We both have 50/50 access to our money. No questions asked just for big purchases

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    Perhaps I should add I am also a SAHM for at least a year and probably next year taking unpaid leave living off my savings because DH doesn't want to be a carer who is 'lumped with the baby', I do almost 100% of caring, and equal shares of cleaning and cooking?

    So yes, I do feel that I have a right to be responsible for overseeing spending because it is not an equitable relationship. He is not a SAHP while I am working - I am all things. I also transfer about half of my pay into his account every week and don't question his spending, but I believe I would have the right to given our circumstances.
    WOW! He's onto a great thing there, how on earth do you put up with it!!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by mrsharvey View Post
    Perhaps I should add I am also a SAHM for at least a year and probably next year taking unpaid leave living off my savings because DH doesn't want to be a carer who is 'lumped with the baby', I do almost 100% of caring, and equal shares of cleaning and cooking?

    So yes, I do feel that I have a right to be responsible for overseeing spending because it is not an equitable relationship. He is not a SAHP while I am working - I am all things. I also transfer about half of my pay into his account every week and don't question his spending, but I believe I would have the right to given our circumstances.
    Wow! How do you do it?

    ETA: I am honestly curious as how this works. Like, while your home he is home too but he doesn't help with the baby but helps with the cleaning and cooking?
    Last edited by Busy Bee; 17-07-2013 at 13:36.


 

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