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  1. #21
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    Quote Originally Posted by Malon20 View Post
    Thanks AM, he's not a controlling person at all, but does get extremely stressed about money - for no real reason. I don't see how he could disagree with the logic of shared combined funds though, so I will see what his reaction is tonight
    My DP is the same and it drives me bonkers. I suggest figure it out now, or you will be fighting about money in the not too distant future. My DP is the world's lovliest guy and still got funny about me spending $20 on DD the other week. It's really hard when all of a sudden this tightwad (whom you love dearly) has control of the purse strings, lol. What we are doing is going to see a financial advisor so DP can see that although we are spending rather than saving this year, in the long run we will still be on track and we're doing really well. Our other halves just have to accept that raising small children is expensive, a lot more so than we'd like!

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    DH and I have separate accounts, and will probably continue like this cause it works for us.
    Before starting maternity leave I did a budget for my time on leave and then told DH how much he needed to transfer into my account to make it work. Communication is very important! He knew why I needed it and what it was paying.

    I agree with pp, you're having his baby! He should be supporting you in every way.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    My DP is the same and it drives me bonkers. I suggest figure it out now, or you will be fighting about money in the not too distant future. My DP is the world's lovliest guy and still got funny about me spending $20 on DD the other week. It's really hard when all of a sudden this tightwad (whom you love dearly) has control of the purse strings, lol. What we are doing is going to see a financial advisor so DP can see that although we are spending rather than saving this year, in the long run we will still be on track and we're doing really well. Our other halves just have to accept that raising small children is expensive, a lot more so than we'd like!
    I have the opposite problem, my DH spends too much!! I've had to do a budget till the end of the year to show him what we wil achieve if he stops spending money on silly things!!

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    My DP is the same and it drives me bonkers. I suggest figure it out now, or you will be fighting about money in the not too distant future. My DP is the world's lovliest guy and still got funny about me spending $20 on DD the other week. It's really hard when all of a sudden this tightwad (whom you love dearly) has control of the purse strings, lol. What we are doing is going to see a financial advisor so DP can see that although we are spending rather than saving this year, in the long run we will still be on track and we're doing really well. Our other halves just have to accept that raising small children is expensive, a lot more so than we'd like!

    For sure! Luckily we are both fairly frugal, so there's less room for argument, but he has this inbuilt idea that he is 'broke' all the time, when he clearly is not! I think I prefer him to be a tightwad than spending like crazy, though. Ive tried my best to explain that this is going to be a very expensive time, and to just accept that, but he takes his own time to come to terms with things, so I'm just being patient!

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    I think as soon as children become involved all money should be shared. It's totally unfair on one party otherwise.

    We have friends who don't share money. She is expected to do all the grocery shopping, pay school costs, kids clothes, entertainment etc from her FTB payments. And his money pays the mortgage and bills plus his entertainment costs.... the thing is, he earns a bucket load and ends up going on boys trips and wasting money on crap. I just don't understand it?!?

    We have seperate accounts from before we were together, but we only keep them as a form of savings/way of paying the bills. We both have access to all funds and are open about what is spent where.

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    Good luck OP talking to dp tonight. Joint account is definitely the way to go, I hope he thinks its a reasonable solution.

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    As others have said - joint account's. We have 2 joint accounts - one for our savings and one that our pay, family tax benefits etc, goes into and our everyday expenses are drawn from. We give ourselves a set amount of cash each week to spend on whatever and the rest is covered by both of us from the joint account.

    If you continue to have separate accounts who is going to pay for the child's share of things, who buys their food, clothes and toys etc, swimming lessons, sporting activities etc? I just think that once children become involved it is too hard to separate everything 50/50. Plus you are going to be looking after his child why should you be worse of financially when nothing changes for him?

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    In house it goes like this

    He works, I stay home and look after the kids.

    All money goes into Joint acc. I budget every cent and I am responsible to make sure all bills get paid and everything we need is brought. If he wants to spend anything he calls me to check (because he doesn't want to know about the day to day stuff).

    You really should lay out all your and dh expenses now and what they will be after the baby is born. Have it all written down so you can both see what your in for. Make a plan together.

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    We have always maintained our own accounts and it's worked very well for 10 years of marriage and 2 kids.

    I was lucky that I received paid mat leave from my employer as well as govt. money. DH is responsible for all bills and mortgage (2 at the moment while we wait for our house to sell). I would buy groceries and anything the kids need as well as my chemist costs. If I run out of money he just transfers me some; all I have to do is tell him I need money and he switches it over straight away.

    People often think this is strange but it works very well for us and we never fight about money. My DH has also managed to save $25k for our boys in the future so he's very good with money.

    OP we were like you pre-kids and split all bills but its just not realistic once you aren't working. Hugs to you, I hope it works out xx

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    All our money is shared and our budget includes all our expenses. There have been times where I have earned more and where my DH earned more. Right now I earn a lot less but I am contributing to the household by taking care of our DS. And will be like that for quite a while.

    Any spare money is split evenly for spending and we discuss pretty much every decision before spending.


 

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