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  1. #11
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    Invoice him for your Childcare services.

    Eta: Snap, FL.

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  3. #12
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    I can't say much about the maternity leave but DH and I still mostly have separate finances. As I earn less we split the bills roughly so that we pay in proportion to our income. This means both of us are able to save money and have personal spending money even if one person earns a lot less.

    We do plan to combine our income at some point and I know my DH would be more than willing to kick in more money to pay bills if/when I'm on mat leave and similar circumstances (ie. That result in reduce income).

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  5. #13
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    Thanks for all your advice!
    I should add, we are not actually married, but have been together for 9 years, and living together for 7. Partly that's why we never even considered joining finances. Having seen my parents' relationship end due to money arguments, I feel that everything is simpler when accounts are separate, and this has worked well for us up until now - with a baby coming.

    I think the general consensus from all your comments is to set up a joint account, so I'm going to suggest to him tonight that we start one up into which he will put his whole pay packet, and I will put my whole maternity leave packet. That combined amount will then be used for everything, with any remaining to be left for fun stuff. Does that sound fair to you all?

    I liked the sound of this early on in our discussions about this, but now hearing that you ladies also like the idea, I will feel more confident that it's a fair option!

    Thanks so much

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  7. #14
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    I think you need to have a sit down with him and go through it in detail.

    It sounds like he hasn't really thought it through - no way is that right that you should be the only one taking a hit financially.

    ETA: we have a joint account and all money is considered shared so we didn't have this problem.

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    I think a joint account is the best way to go. We aren't married either but as soon as DS came along everything was combined to make it easier. Its 'our' money not his and mine.

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  11. #16
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    Yes, if you REALLY want to keep separate incomes, then as blotched tabby said, the most logical choice would be to compare incomes, and work out percentage of payments each based on that. eg if his income is 66% of total combined income, then he pays 66% of each bill.

    And that definitely is fair, as you are sacrificing your income earning capacity by carrying both of your child.

    I'm interested to hear how you end up working this out, it seems a fairly unique situation. Does he have control issues at all?

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    We more or less work out so that after all expenses we have about the same "spare" money as each other.

    We also have different financial responsibilities in terms of he is responsible for paying all the bills and rent (though we sit down about once every 3 months to discuss these fixed and flexible expenses) and i budget and buy all the food, household products and kids clothes and *stuff*.

    We have "our own" money but it's very fluid between us and we are always giving and taking as the budget requires . but we like having our own money, even if it's not really separate.

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    Thanks AM, he's not a controlling person at all, but does get extremely stressed about money - for no real reason. I don't see how he could disagree with the logic of shared combined funds though, so I will see what his reaction is tonight

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    MilkingMaid  (15-07-2013)

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    Malon, it is REALLY scary after being used to having 2 incomes, and only having the 2 of you, to taking a drop in money, and adding a new person into the mix at the same time! I was VERY stressed about it all before my first was born, but the good news is you definitely do cope!

    I'm sure he will see the sense of your approach.

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