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  1. #1
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    Default Failing as a Mum

    Hi I'm new here and this is my first real post.

    For the last 3 years (since the conception of DD) I've been battling with major depression, and everything seems to be going from bad to worse.

    My little girl is suffering emotionally, and I'm almost positive she is acting out with antisocial behaviour because of it. I feel like I've failed her as a mother. I'm emotionally distant from her, I lose my temper at the drop of a hat, and because I find it difficult to function most days we rarely leave the house to give her a chance to socialise - When we do go out, it seems like she is terrified of people. Don't get me wrong though, I'm not completely useless. I manage the basics of day to day life, and even accomplish the daunting task of getting her to swimming classes once a week, but the rest of the time I'm either a ticking time bomb, or a lump on the couch. It's almost as if I do things for her because I have to, not because I want to. I'm on autopilot.

    I've been on and off meds in those 3 years until recently when I had a severe reaction to a new one I was prescribed and have been terrified to take any pill (including aspirin - how bizarre is that!!??) because of it. I've been through dozens of psychologists/GPs/psychiatrists/holistic healers (hey, it was worth a shot!), but nothing seems to be making a scrap of difference. I have now been diagnosed with PTSD (about 3 months ago). People keep telling me that "time heals all wounds", but after 3 years, SURELY things would be looking up, right??

    I feel like the worst mother in the world, which doesn't help the situation because of course I want what's best for her. The last thing in the world I want is for her to end up like I am now (I was bright, bubbly and happy-go-lucky before I fell pregnant). I'm at my wits end, but I don't know what to do to make things better for her. It's like a vicious cycle: her behaviour causes me stress and anxiety, and I'm pretty sure my stress and anxiety is causing her to act out.

    Of course it doesn't help that I see a lot of her father in her (he is an abusive alcoholic). Makes her hard to love sometimes.

    All I wanted was to be the best mum ever. Failing miserably at that.

  2. #2
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    Oh sweet, I want to send you hugs. Unfortunately I don't have any wise advise, but will check back in tomorrow in case I think of anything.

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    RocketQueen  (14-07-2013)

  4. #3
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    Hugs.... You're not failing as a mum, if you were you wouldn't be concerned about the way you feel affecting your daughter. You are a great mum for being concerned and reaching out for help!!!!!
    I don't know much about depression or PTSD so can't really say anything there, but I was wondering do you have any you time, a hobby or sport that you can do while someone else looks after your daughter or maybe is she in daycare at all to give you a break??

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    RocketQueen  (14-07-2013)

  6. #4
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    So sorry to hear what you are going through.

    Have you tried to have a little "you" time? Think of something you use to love to do even if you dont feel like it... go and do it, you may surprise yourself.

    Have you looked at maybe putting your daughter in childcare a day or 2 a week so you can have a bit of you time and she can socialize with other children and have alot of interaction and develop new skills?

    I know everything seems so daunting atm, and just take baby steps... little by little do different things that will make you and your daughter happy.

    Little improvements can make a big difference.

    Could you invite a friend with children around for a play date? A little socializing may help you as well as your daughter.


    Maybe you could bake and decorate a cake together, really allow her to help and talk alot about what you are doing.

    I think doing an activity together would be a great start and she would probably love quality time with you and you may feel the same.


    Sorry im probably no help!
    I truly hope you feel better soon.
    Last edited by missymoo9; 14-07-2013 at 23:41.

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    RocketQueen  (15-07-2013)

  8. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by Wheaty View Post
    Hugs.... You're not failing as a mum, if you were you wouldn't be concerned about the way you feel affecting your daughter. You are a great mum for being concerned and reaching out for help!!!!!
    I don't know much about depression or PTSD so can't really say anything there, but I was wondering do you have any you time, a hobby or sport that you can do while someone else looks after your daughter or maybe is she in daycare at all to give you a break??
    Thank you for your lovely response. Very much appreciated and definitely something I needed to hear.

    I do get out 2 nights a week to play sport for a few hours each night, and although it's a HUUUUUUUUUUGE effort to get out there each time, once I'm there I do feel somewhat normal - Then I get home and the dark cloud descends again. I come home at about 10-11pm to an overtired, hyperactive and screaming child who not even Grandma can get to go to sleep lol.

    As for daycare, I don't work so it's really hard to justify spending the money that I don't have (I'm trying to pay off a mountain of debt that I racked up before falling unexpectedly pregnant, on single parenting payments, which is almost impossible in itself - One of the major contributors to my depression). She was going for a while, but even with the government rebate I just couldn't afford to keep it up.

  9. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by siennasyummymummy View Post
    PM if you wanna chat, I totally understand where you're coming from.
    Hugs, it'll get better. Just gotta find something that helps x
    Pardon my ignorance, but how do I do that?

  10. #7
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    You click on her name and on the left hand side you will see a couple of options one being send a private message. Hope that helps

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    RocketQueen  (15-07-2013)

  12. #8
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    I couldnt not reply to you. I suffered for 4 years before i realised i needed help.
    Basically i suffered PND very badly with DD and never really got over it. That triggered other symptoms and i ended up at rock bottom... Hurting myself, hitting my kids for no reason, yelling at DH and the kids for no reason, severely depressed where i couldnt even get out of bed. The weird thing was if i was around people i would be my normal bubbly self. Involved, happy, cheery and 'normal'. I felt like the worst mum in the world. The worst thing was i knew i loved my kids but i sometimes absolutely hated being around them. Same goes for DH. I eventually sort help and was put on antidepressants (lexapro) and booked in to see a $400 an hour psyciatrist. Best and hardest thing i ever did. I was diagnosed bipolar and put on lithium and continued lexapro.
    It was very hard to hear i was mentally ill, though i did kind of suspect (my sister has bipolar). It took about a month for the meds to start to work and that was a very hard month. I got a few side effects and i hated the fact i was being medicated. Now though, 9 months down the track (yup only 9 months) im feeling wonderful. I love life again (without being over the top). I love my kids again and i enjoy paying with them again. I feel like im back to myself again. I still struggle sometimes with taking meds but seeing the change in me i know its for the best.
    Theres a few things i will never forgive myself for but ive come to accept that i was sick. I will never forget what ive done but its a process.
    Sorry for the ramble but as soon as i read in your post you were a 'happy, bubbly' person and now your 'angry' alot of the time made me think of me. heres a link to bipolar if youd like to have a read. Just something to think about. For me, when i read this i knew it was me.
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bipolar_disorder

    Your NOT failing as a mother, you just need help.

  13. #9
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    Thank you for your reply.

    I have been to see 2 different psychyatrists (Thank GOD both of them bulk billed, because the $500 + p/h would have killed me) and about 8 psychologists. I have been on and off meds for the last 3 years. I think I've tried about 5 different ones in that time (Lexapro was the first, and did zip in the period of about 3 months). The last one (Cymbalta) triggered the most intense anxiety attack I have ever encountered, to the point where my mother thought I was having a seizure and since then I've had severe anxiety about taking any antidepressants ever since.

    I have had the all clear for bipolar by both psychiatrists (although both suggest I'm presenting some indications of High Functioning Aspergers, but nothing worth worrying about).

    So yeah, it's not as if I'm not seeking help. I got help from day 1, pre natal. I just seem to have exhausted all avenues and after 3 years of suffering despite medical intervention, I feel that there is no light at the end of the tunnel. My main point in my post though was that my DDs behaviour has become out of control, and I feel that I'm 100% to blame.
    Last edited by RocketQueen; 15-07-2013 at 10:46. Reason: Typo

  14. #10
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    Oh Lordy,
    Today is a baaaaaaaaaaad day!


 

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