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  1. #921
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    Hi all,

    I'm going to try do a catch up for all, sorry if I miss someone.

    JodiW and Makeba- I'm so sorry to hear of your BFN's, I'm thinking of you both and know how hard this result is

    BB4- I have everything crossed for you and I hope Monday makes all your dreams come true.
    Sooty- have a good flight, welcome home and good luck for your BT

    Net- have a great trip, can't wait to hear about the islands and your successful cycle.
    angelmama- welcome and congratulations on finding a donor.
    Emski- good luck for Monday i hope all goes well
    Blinky- welcome know doubt you will find this thread a wealth of information and support as I have.
    great to hear from you Allieoop and Laned
    Crystal still thinking of you and hoping your plans for Zlin are all set - not long now.
    anait yay nearly 20 weeks
    january so happy you are feeling good and ready for donor searching - thanks for always keeping the role call up to date
    Sardy- congratulations for the birth of your baby girl Thanks for sharing
    helenmac- congratulations for you Xmas baby

    Donna- hope your doing well

    jennilee- Thinking of you and hope your enjoying lots of baby movements

    love to anyone I've missed

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  3. #922
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    AFM
    we had our 12 week scan which was just amazing, I have felt very emotional and still can't believe we have made it this far. I find myself crying in joy which is such a nice change from tears of pain. I never thought I would get to see a baby growing inside me. It was such a relief to see all was as it should be and no sign of any hematoma affecting the placenta.
    For anyone out there that doesn't believe it can happen after so many BFN's it can happen. I struggled in pain, sadness and grief for so many years and punished myself trying to stay positive and have belief but you just have to keep rolling the dice and holding hope even if you don't believe.
    lots of love
    pixel

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  5. #923
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    Default Spotsmum

    Spotsmum- thank you for your post the more options the better. I appreciate your input and agree its a personal decision.
    I think its so wonderful that you are an egg donor I'm sure you know the gift you give but from someone who has just received this gift it is the most amazing gift and no renumeration or thanks will ever repay donors like yourself although it's nice to try.

    I hope the following doesn't offend you or anyone else reading l just wanted to share my experience. I may have my facts wrong and be naive to the Victorian egg donor experience but this is what I was either told or assumed and made my decisions from this point of view.

    I found the egg donation Australia website when I had already had plans in motion for my Thailand cycle, it's a great site. Had I discovered it at the start of my egg donor journey I may have found a donor this way.


    The things l find challenging about the process in Victoria for egg donation if you don't have a friend or family to donate is, how to come up with an advertisement to attract a donor, waiting for this to be approved, putting myself out there for donors to offer to me - very scary and daunting, what if they aren't right for me how would I tell them, figuring out how to renumerate the donor for there expenses, how to discuss how the relationship would be with yourself and the child for the future, What if you have a falling out either before or after the donation, how long would the whole process take, what if the cycle doesn't produce viable embryos will the donor feel they have wasted there time and therefore not want to donate again.


    l realize all these things can be worked out and you may not have any of these situations, it all may be perfect and happen very quickly and it would be a case by case situation and probably works out fine in most cases but these were questions that I asked myself following our first donor counseling session we left feeling very much on our own to navigate the process and were just told to come back once we found a donor.

    When you have been so tired and exhausted physically and emotionally by failed IVF cycles it is hard to face the potential of these situations. I think I would now be better equipped to go through the process as I have read over a lot of the material on the egg donation Australia website and had more time to learn about the ins and outs.

    When we were first told we needed an egg donor a friend had gone OS and had success, it was a lot more straight forward and could be organized with a few months with support from agency and clinic the whole way, it was still scary and daunting but we felt we could select a donor and have contact with her through the agency and although they are mostly contractually anonymous we feel we have a lot of information and contact with the donor for us to express our deepest gratitude and for future contact for our child.
    I also know the effect of a stimulated IVF cycle, the time it takes, it's risks and feel much better about receiving this gift knowing she is renumerated for the process she has had to go through, it just feels fair to me.

    I find it interesting that if we had needed sperm donation in Victoria I would be given donor options to choose from without having to met (therefore not having to reject or accept directly with them) nor have to discuss finances as this happens though the clinic, I would have the choice to contact the donor or not and the donor would also have this option, I can have the known identity for my child to decide when and whether they would like to met.

    This is the ideal scenario for me, I feel it gives each party the options for contact but is mediated through a clinic giving both parties professional support.

    I ask myself why in the same state the process is so different for sperm and eggs. I understand that sperm donation is a simple procedure compared with egg donation but why don't the sperm donors choose who there altruistic donation goes to? I was told at a lecture recently that there are actually more egg donors than sperm donors in Victoria so why does contact not happen through IVF clinics for both egg and sperm donors? And both sperm and egg donors donate without choosing who the couple is other than general categories like, married, heterosexual or races (although I've heard on insight program that most sperm donors don't put these restrictions in place).

    Again I am so thankful for generous donors like yourself and l hope I don't offend you spotsmum or anyone else and I probably should have put all this in a private message to you but just wanted to share my thoughts as a recipient.
    PS sorry for the long post

    Many thanks
    pixel

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  7. #924
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    Hey Pixel - good to hear from you and glad that you are doing well. Has the bleeding stopped now?

    I'm 15 weeks tomorrow. Feeling really good and have started to feel movement which has been lovely for my DH, DD and myself. We find out the sex at our 20 week scan on Christmas Eve - the best Chrissey pressie ever we think! Happy either way, but leaning towards a boy as already have a girl - but of course would be happy with either.

    Did you have one of the 3D scans for your 12 week scan? We were absolutely blown away by what we could see and the beautiful photos we have of our hub - can't wait to see the 20 week one!

    RB x

  8. #925
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    Pixel, thankyou so much for spending the time writing that for myself and anyone else reading.
    I agree with so many of your points and I'm essentially really grateful that people have choice- unfortunately that choice does seem to be either a known donation here or an anon overseas. Although I do know anonymous donors in oz , I agree they are few and far between and to wait for a local anon donor would be torturous. There seems to be a massive double standard between sperm and egg donors here, I think it's all still really evolving and it will be interesting to see what time, and legislation does going forward.
    It's so interesting and enlightening for me to hear the other side of the equation. I have had such beautiful experiences donating and met some strong and inspiring women, and men, that I am glad to call my friends, but admit there are times it can be awkward ( discussing finances, contact etc) scary, and also heartbreaking sharing an IPs pain when they receive a BFN, (albeit a minuscule amount compared to what you all go through). I can see why navigating all that a known donation entails would be too much.
    I love that I get to know the children resulting from my donations and its important to me that my children know who they are genetically linked too, but I am in no way a second family to these kids I am the lady who gave a missing ingredient, maybe a friend if that's how things work out, but if not then that's ok too. There are no strings attached.
    I guess my original post was because I had heard that clinics were telling recips it was impossible to get a donor here unless they had a willing friend or family member. I would hate for that to be true. People deserve all the information so they can make the right choice for them.
    I wish you all the happiness you deserve x

  9. #926
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    Thanks rainbow, yay 15 weeks! The scan was just the usual 2D medical scan but got a photo and DVD. I would love to see the 3D view and will do that one after 20 weeks to get maximum view as it will cost extra to do it.

    I had no more bleeds but continued to have black/brown crinone all the way through and now I've stopped the crinone I haven't noticed anything.

    wow movement at 15 weeks I can't wait for that, I thought it wasn't until after 20 weeks but sure everyone's different.

    What a special Xmas eve you will have! We are going to hold out for the sex if we can The temptation might be to great at the scan.

  10. #927
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    Thanks spots mum for your reply. I read a lot on the egg donation Australia website from a donors point of view and found it so good to hear their experience as we come from such different places in our fertility experience.
    I personally didn't choose to go OS because it was anonymous my preference would be a known donor but all the other factors that go into getting to that as I explained.

    thanks again

  11. #928
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    spotsmum - sorry, but I just also wanted to point out to you that if the clinics are telling these types of things to women, it's because its a cold hard fact that it's really difficult to find a successful egg donor here in Australia. My clinic would have given their eye teeth to help me achieve a pregnancy with them, rather than go to South Africa, so I think to insinuate that is a little unfair. The Drs and Nurses at my IVF clinic were some of the most caring people I have ever met in my life and they would have not given me a bum steer on anything to stop me achieving a viable pregnancy no matter how I did it. It is actually prohibited for them to assist with recommending egg donor clinics overseas or giving out any information regarding overseas egg donation - but they helped me prepare my cycle prior to going and also looked after me when I got back up until they could hand me over to my OB.

    I also have to say that I don't believe genetics make a parent… its the bit that comes after the birth that does that. If I met my own genetic mother and father tomorrow, I would not call them Mum or Dad, because they are not. My parents are the two individuals who raised me and that was why the egg donor route was extremely easy for me to arrive at.

    I think it is absurd (if not a little creepy) that my best friend could donate me her egg and then I raise her biological child. I have often thought of the strange and circumstances that could evolve from that kind of scenario not just for me, but for her as well as the child.

    It is my own personal opinion that if anonymous egg donation were to be legalised in Australia, more women like you would genuinely step forward to do it, giving good women and men the opportunity to be parents - as parents are intended to be…

  12. #929
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    Definitely movement - it was exactly the same with my daughter. Glad that your bleeding has stopped, it must have just been a reaction to the crinone. We want to know the sex as we want to decorate the nursery for either a boy or a girl… Yes, it will be a very special Christmas for sure. The 3D scan is absolutely awesome and is definitely worth the extra cost.


    Quote Originally Posted by Pixel View Post
    Thanks rainbow, yay 15 weeks! The scan was just the usual 2D medical scan but got a photo and DVD. I would love to see the 3D view and will do that one after 20 weeks to get maximum view as it will cost extra to do it.

    I had no more bleeds but continued to have black/brown crinone all the way through and now I've stopped the crinone I haven't noticed anything.

    wow movement at 15 weeks I can't wait for that, I thought it wasn't until after 20 weeks but sure everyone's different.

    What a special Xmas eve you will have! We are going to hold out for the sex if we can The temptation might be to great at the scan.

  13. #930
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    Makeba and JodiW I am so sorry to hear your sad news, much love and hugs to you both. xxx


 

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