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  1. #51
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    Personally I wouldn't choose to homebirth/freebirth but I understand that it's a women's choice and that they made the choice after research and unfortunately suffered the worst possible consequences. Whilst they were suffering immeasurable losses, I understand that it was made to be a crime scene, the same as a death of any child in a home would be made into one. I don't see it is a point against homebirths or an accusation against the mothers any more than the SIDS death of a child.

    The only point I didn't agree with was the woman who said the choice of how to have the baby is the mothers and the mothers alone as it's her body. Yes it is the woman's body but the man is the expectant father and I think the decision has to be one that you are both comfortable with IMO. You need the utmost support during any birth and if the father isn't fully supportive of the decision I think a compromise needs to be made so both are happy.

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  3. #52
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    My hubby deeply regrets denying me a homebirth with #1 why should I of had to bare this scar because he thought his right overrode mine?

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  5. #53
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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    Personally I wouldn't choose to homebirth/freebirth but I understand that it's a women's choice and that they made the choice after research and unfortunately suffered the worst possible consequences. Whilst they were suffering immeasurable losses, I understand that it was made to be a crime scene, the same as a death of any child in a home would be made into one. I don't see it is a point against homebirths or an accusation against the mothers any more than the SIDS death of a child.

    The only point I didn't agree with was the woman who said the choice of how to have the baby is the mothers and the mothers alone as it's her body. Yes it is the woman's body but the man is the expectant father and I think the decision has to be one that you are both comfortable with IMO. You need the utmost support during any birth and if the father isn't fully supportive of the decision I think a compromise needs to be made so both are happy.
    Completely agree with all of this

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    Quote Originally Posted by headoverfeet View Post
    My hubby deeply regrets denying me a homebirth with #1 why should I of had to bare this scar because he thought his right overrode mine?
    I didn't say one should override the other, I said IMO there should be a compromise - what that is, is up to the couple and the situation but his wishes or your wishes I don't believe override the other.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CitrusRain View Post
    I don't agree. While I see it as important that the partner/father is supportive of the decision, this in no way should override the rights of the woman to choose where or how to birth her baby.
    I agree.

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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    So who should be the one to make the compromise when they cannot agree? Whose right is greater when a compromise needs to be made? Who has the most on the line for the outcome?
    You both have to compromise, the same as when you are parenting - you're not always going to agree but you find a way to come to a mutual decision. I don't believe the mothers right is greater than the father, it the baby dies then both suffer, if the mother dies the father and baby suffer, everyone suffers in these worst possible outcomes - why is it that because the mother carries the baby her suffering is worse or potential suffering overrides that of the father? I'm sorry but that's my opinion.

  9. #57
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by missie_mack View Post
    So who should be the one to make the compromise when they cannot agree? Whose right is greater when a compromise needs to be made? Who has the most on the line for the outcome?
    This.

    Me- I am the one that has to live with the pain of my hospital birth every day.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    You both have to compromise, the same as when you are parenting - you're not always going to agree but you find a way to come to a mutual decision. I don't believe the mothers right is greater than the father, it the baby dies then both suffer, if the mother dies the father and baby suffer, everyone suffers in these worst possible outcomes - why is it that because the mother carries the baby her suffering is worse or potential suffering overrides that of the father? I'm sorry but that's my opinion.
    But what is the compromise?

    On the suffering note, my fiance doesn't even think about our childrens births I am the one that suffers.

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    How can you compromise when mum is adamant for a home birth and dad is adamant not for one? It's sorta like circumcision, either mum or dad gets 'their way', both can't have their way because both options are opposite. You can't have a sortof home birth. It's either a home birth or not.

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    Quote Originally Posted by ICanDream View Post
    You both have to compromise, the same as when you are parenting - you're not always going to agree but you find a way to come to a mutual decision. I don't believe the mothers right is greater than the father, it the baby dies then both suffer, if the mother dies the father and baby suffer, everyone suffers in these worst possible outcomes - why is it that because the mother carries the baby her suffering is worse or potential suffering overrides that of the father? I'm sorry but that's my opinion.
    It's not an equal argument though. The mother has a lot more on the line than the father does and ultimately her comfort and feeling of security should trump his as he is there as a support only- his body is in no way at any risk, iykwim. Mothers and babies die in hospital too, I don't think the rate is actually that different to those that die during home births (will need to find figures for that) but at the end of the day, the mother needs to feel safe and secure- and for some women, that is not achievable in a hospital setting. The father doesn't get a say in what pain relief the mother has, the clothes she births in, the position she delivers in, I don't really see why he has a say in the location if it will be detrimental to the mothers well being UNLESS it would definitely compromise the baby- and by that I mean they are having a baby with a known problem requiring immediate medical attention etc- but I think most HB's are for routine, healthy pregnancies, so that point is probably moot.

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