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  1. #11
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    You can not help the way that you feel. Everyone has given you great advice about grieving and taking the time to do so.

    I have one son and Know that I will feel the same way as you do if number two is also a boy. Makes me scared to ttc.

  2. #12
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    Thank you so much to everyone that has replied. It's really helped me to feel a bit less like a horrible mother!

    i spent ages after DH and DS went to bed last night just crying. I really feel like I'm grieving the loss of my daughter. DH keeps asking if I'm happy now about having a boy, but I keep lying to him because he doesn't understand. The baby just keeps kicking me and I want it to stop, I don't want to feel it right now because I want to pretend that it isn't real.

    I think I've been feeling a little bit depressed this whole pregnancy and its just gotten so much worse with this news, so maybe it wouldn't hurt to be able to talk to someone about it.

  3. #13
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    MilkingMaid is offline Winner 2009 - Mod Award - most supportive member
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    I think it is a great idea to talk to someone, the last thing you want is for this to develop into AND/PND. Also, if you can tell some good friends about it, and get them to keep an eye on you, sometimes you can slip into depression, and not know it yourself.

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    Slugsandsnails  (12-07-2013)

  5. #14
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    Allymumtobe is offline Winner 2012 - Most Optimistic Poster
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    I can't relate except that my dad was always so sad that my mum and he only had girls.

    He had a name picked out for a son and has always been sad talking about we never had a boy but he just did boy stuff with us, taught us to fish, do some wood work projects etc

    Perhaps you can teach them to cook and see. I know it's not the same as dresses and dancing but its something


    Angus 4~6~13, loved - wanted - missed

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    almai  (12-07-2013),Slugsandsnails  (12-07-2013)

  7. #15
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    Remember you are grieving the idea if a girl and the fantasies of having a girl but not actually grieving the loss of a child. It might help?

    I know you will be a great mum to your two boys and allow yourself time to feel sadness and pain. And whilst you said you don't want to hear "negative" comments I don't think this is negative. I think perspective can help.
    You have a beautiful healthy baby who will love you so much and think you are the most amazing person in the whole world.

    I hope you can enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, disappointment is an awful feeling

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    beebs  (13-07-2013)

  9. #16
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    OP, please don't feel like a horrible mother. I had similar feelings with my DS although not quite as severe as what you're describing. As soon as he was born, it didn't matter to me anymore.
    If this gets worse please speak to someone. You've been blessed with a beautiful healthy baby, but sometimes things just aren't meant to be in terms what you've planned or hoped for. I'm so glad you've gotten mostly supportive feedback also. It's more common than you think.
    Last edited by Mod-biscotti; 12-07-2013 at 21:01. Reason: Ref to deleted post which was not in the spirit of Bubhub

  10. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by Slugsandsnails View Post
    *please - no negative comments*

    I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my second and just found out I'm having another boy. I already have an 18mo son and we are only having 2 children. I've always wanted a girl, with my first I was happy for either sex and I remember leaving the scan feeling over the moon and so excited for a boy. This time I left in tears. My DH doesn't understand why I can be upset because we have a healthy baby.

    I feel like I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I want to take back the double pram we bought, I don't want to go shopping for anything for the baby. I feel like the most horrible mother in the world for not wanting him.

    I'll never have my daughter. I'll never get to do girly things with her. I'll never help her plan her wedding. I'll never support her through pregnancy and motherhood.

    I just want to be alone and cry. I don't want to tell anyone that its a boy. I don't want people congratulating me. I don't want people saying how great it will be. I want to punch my DH in the face for being excited. I don't want him telling DS to give his brother a kiss.

    Will I ever get over it? Am I going to love this baby eventually? DH is meant to be coming with me to my next appointment but I don't want him to see me break down in front of the midwife in case I do because I feel like I can't tell him how I'm really feeling.

    Oh slugsandnails, I completely know how you feel. I was exactly the same... I wanted a girl SO BAD, I sat there in the ultrasound going *please be a girl, please be a girl, please be a girl* in my head. I got a boy, and I cried as soon as I found out. I was absolutely devastated. There was a boutique baby shop across the road from the ultrasound place with the most gorgeous stuff & I couldn't bring myself to look at it, I was distraught.

    But I did get over it, I found myself really excited for my boy & I really really wanted a boy in the end.

    I hope you start to feel better about it soon. I just thought I would let you know you aren't alone & I think it's natural to feel disappointment when you were really hopeful for something.

  11. #18
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    I have 3 boys too OP, I didn't find out with any of them with scans, I think that was a good thing ( no time to dwell) as as soon as they were born I didn't care that each was a boy, I was finally meeting my baby.

    You truly won't mind when you little bub is here.

    As an aside - I fell pregnant at the grand old age of 41 when my youngest son was nearly 15 and she turned out to be a girl! You never know what's in store for you.

  12. #19
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    :Hugs: hun, I was disappointed at my 20 week scan when we found out we were having another boy... (Didn't tell anyone that though). Every time I went to the shops I was so disappointed I couldn't buy all the gorgeous baby girl clothes out.

    Now they are nearly 3 and nearly 1 and Im so glad I was able to give ds1 a brother to play in the mud with and when they grow up go to footy together or build cars together with their dad. I just hope I get beautiful daughter in laws one day who I can be close to and be apart of weddings etc.

    In the mean time being the only girl in the house is a GREAT excuse to get together with the girl friends for a night out or a day at the spa 😉 xx

  13. #20
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    Thank you to everyone else for the supportive comments. It really does help

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    MummaOJ  (12-07-2013)


 

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