*please - no negative comments*
I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my second and just found out I'm having another boy. I already have an 18mo son and we are only having 2 children. I've always wanted a girl, with my first I was happy for either sex and I remember leaving the scan feeling over the moon and so excited for a boy. This time I left in tears. My DH doesn't understand why I can be upset because we have a healthy baby.
I feel like I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I want to take back the double pram we bought, I don't want to go shopping for anything for the baby. I feel like the most horrible mother in the world for not wanting him.
I'll never have my daughter. I'll never get to do girly things with her. I'll never help her plan her wedding. I'll never support her through pregnancy and motherhood.
I just want to be alone and cry. I don't want to tell anyone that its a boy. I don't want people congratulating me. I don't want people saying how great it will be. I want to punch my DH in the face for being excited. I don't want him telling DS to give his brother a kiss.
Will I ever get over it? Am I going to love this baby eventually? DH is meant to be coming with me to my next appointment but I don't want him to see me break down in front of the midwife in case I do because I feel like I can't tell him how I'm really feeling.