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  1. #1
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    Default Gender disappointment

    *please - no negative comments*

    I'm 20 weeks pregnant with my second and just found out I'm having another boy. I already have an 18mo son and we are only having 2 children. I've always wanted a girl, with my first I was happy for either sex and I remember leaving the scan feeling over the moon and so excited for a boy. This time I left in tears. My DH doesn't understand why I can be upset because we have a healthy baby.

    I feel like I don't want to be pregnant anymore. I want to take back the double pram we bought, I don't want to go shopping for anything for the baby. I feel like the most horrible mother in the world for not wanting him.

    I'll never have my daughter. I'll never get to do girly things with her. I'll never help her plan her wedding. I'll never support her through pregnancy and motherhood.

    I just want to be alone and cry. I don't want to tell anyone that its a boy. I don't want people congratulating me. I don't want people saying how great it will be. I want to punch my DH in the face for being excited. I don't want him telling DS to give his brother a kiss.

    Will I ever get over it? Am I going to love this baby eventually? DH is meant to be coming with me to my next appointment but I don't want him to see me break down in front of the midwife in case I do because I feel like I can't tell him how I'm really feeling.

  2. #2
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    Big hugs, hopefully it will pass. I felt similar at one point (though I got 2 girls) and additionally sad because I couldn't give my DH a boy :-(. I couldn't be happier now though. Hope with a bit of time you'll accept it. Is there definitely no chance of a third - ever? xx

  3. #3
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    Hi!! I think pregnancy hormones combined with your hope to have a girl are probably making it worse than it is. I have a friend that's ended up with 5 girls because they kept going back for that boy they never had. Although she is sad she never had a boy, and a 6th child is too much, she wouldn't change a thing. I'm sure once you have some time, you will be just as excited as you were with your first child. It's okay to be upset and I hope you come around soon xxxx

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    I didn't think I would be this upset over it. I tried to prepare myself for another boy but it hasn't helped. I just have absolutely no connection to this baby any more
    I don't think there's any chance of a third. We really don't want 3 kids and I don't want to risk having 3 boys (as horrible as that sounds). If I feel this depressed over a second boy I can't imagine how I would feel about a third boy!

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    Give yourself time. You don't have to tell anyone, you are allowed to cry and mourn for the little girl you want. I felt a bit the same when I was told my second was another girl. Now, I love having two kids of the same gender, I couldn't imagine one of each and so glad our second was another girl. Some days I am jealous, because they are both Daddy's girls, sons are usually close to their Mums and I think that is what I wanted. It is okay that you are sad about this, but in time I am sure you will feel differently. Just think how much fun your boys will having growing up together, and know they will always look out for their Mum

  6. #6
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    Hugs hun. I was upset too.

    With ds1 I didn't mind, I could always try again. When I had my gender scan with ds2, look I put on a brave face but gosh it hurt.

    Sure I was happy the baby was healthy but it meant I never got my girl. No more babies for us either

    I just kept reminding myself I was lucky. I was pregnant with no issues, the baby was perfectly healthy, ds1 was getting a little brother.

    It's hard to put it into words properly, but I do understand.

    Ds2 is 4 now, I love him so very much and wouldn't change how it is for the world, but it would have been nice to have a girl.

    Be kind to yourself. In time you'll get there. If you would like to talk feel free to pm me.

    Sent from my GT-I9100T using The Bub Hub mobile app

  7. #7
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    Hugs to you OP, I'm sure it will pass.

    An advantage of finding out now is that you have time to digest the news, grieve for the girl you may never have...then pick yourself up and look forward to another healthy baby. By the time he arrives hopefully you will be just as happy as with DS1.

    I've got 2 boys and whilst I would have liked a girl, I love seeing my two boys interact! I'm also looking forward to watching them grow up together and be in to the same interests etc My sister has 2 girls now so I'll just buy the lovely dresses and do the girly things with my nieces

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  9. #8
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    dont be too hard on yourself when hes here you will feel different! I promise you I felt like that when my 3rd son was born i didnt find out till after my cs and i was already feeling depressed as he wasnt planned and my 2nd son was only months old when i fell pregnant, i ended up with pnd not because he was a boy t just happened and it took 18 months to even bond with him, it was the lowest moment of my life before i fell in love with him. My boys are amazing i wouldnt change them for the world they are all individual and spoil me constantley with hugs and kisses even though they are teens well younest is almost. I was always proud showing my boys off and we have a very strong bond, have special memories still of just having my boys and always will, albeit now they have a sister who annoys the hell out of them. Its hard to imagine right now but when hes born the love will flow, its ony natural to want what we dont have and believe me i longed for a girl, wasnt bothered by the time i was pregnant with her and looked forward to another son, even had a name picked and everything, you'll be alright

  10. #9
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    Different situation as it was with my first but when I found out I was having a boy at our 20 week scan I cried for two weeks and I even refused to look for boys names. Poor kid didn't have a name for a week. I did get use to the idea during my pregnancy after about 2 months but deep down i kept hoping they had made a mistake and he would come out a girl. But when he came out it didn't matter at all I was just happy he was healthy and didn't care that he was a boy.

  11. #10
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    I have 3 boys, and am not having any more. Yes, I really thought my third baby was going to be a girl, but it was not to be. You are going through a type of grief, grief about all those things which will never be. It is totally understandable. If it is not improving after a certain amount of time, say a few weeks, please don't let it get any worse, perhaps chat to a counsellor about your feelings, womens mental health is never more fragile than when having children, it's often the most intense time of our lives, take it seriously if you don't bounce back from it.

    I am pretty happy with my 3 sons now, but I do admit to a few pangs of sadness now and then, and the green eyed monster briefly rears its head when cute baby girls come on the scene!

    Take care, I hope the overwhelming feelings become more managable with time.


 

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