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  1. #131
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    Quote Originally Posted by Night Owl View Post
    You're looking after DD 2 so l don't think many people would get their knickers in a knot, l'm more likely to be judgemental towards a SAHM who looks after no kids during the day

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    But why is that different from a parent who doesn't need to work, but chooses to? Surely both are choosing to do something they enjoy with their time that doesn't involve their kids?

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  3. #132
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    headoverfeet is offline The truth will set you free, but first it will **** you off. -Gloria Steinem
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    Quote Originally Posted by Night Owl View Post
    ....but if a SAHM is healthy and has no other reason which would prevent her from looking after her kids but has them in daycare full time why be a stay at home mum at all. How are they contributing to the family? ...housework? ? A working parent needs go to work and get all that done too

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    Why not stay at home? They'd be contributing a good 12 hours a day if not more while the kids are in day care. So everyone should work fulltime just because some people have to? Life ain't always fair.

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  5. #133
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    But why is that different from a parent who doesn't need to work, but chooses to? Surely both are choosing to do something they enjoy with their time that doesn't involve their kids?
    I think it's different because the kids of a SAHM who uses full time long daycare know Mummy is home yet they are still bundled out the door every morning.

    Whereas the child of a working mum knows their mother is at work.

    I'm not someone who believes daycare is inherently detrimental to children - quite the opposite - but I do think it would be hard on children to spend all day every day at daycare knowing their mother is at home. Even if the children enjoy their time there i struggle to believe there wouldn't be some emotional affect on the child.

  6. #134
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    I can see the point of working mums having higher priority over most. I don't see what is so hard to understand about that? It's not as if a sahm can get the sack.

    I'm a sahm at the moment. My 2 older kids are in 2 days a week. My baby is in 1 day. I would happily try and accommodate a working mum and change my days.

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  8. #135
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    Quote Originally Posted by NancyBlackett View Post
    I think it's different because the kids of a SAHM who uses full time long daycare know Mummy is home yet they are still bundled out the door every morning.

    Whereas the child of a working mum knows their mother is at work.

    I'm not someone who believes daycare is inherently detrimental to children - quite the opposite - but I do think it would be hard on children to spend all day every day at daycare knowing their mother is at home. Even if the children enjoy their time there i struggle to believe there wouldn't be some emotional affect on the child.
    Maybe, but it depends on what else the mum is doing with her time - and the comprehension would depend on how old the kid was. I'm guessing she wouldn't be saying "Mummy is now off to drink mojitos all day" any more than the working mum by choice says "Mummy is now off to have fun talking to grown ups and wearing nice clothes all day".

    FWIW, I haven't used daycare at all and don't intend to, but I can't really judge someone else's choice without knowing all the variables. I get how people may not understand why someone would use day care when they don't work, but I also get how people may not understand why someone would use day care and work when they don't have to.

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  10. #136
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    No one said that working mums shouldn't get first access at all. I think the above posts are disputing the judgey comments re how long and why a SAHM might access day care. At the end of the day, you'll likely not know what goes on in the lives of others, why judge? That mum who sends her kid to full time could be caring for her terminal husband etc etc. We just don't know.

    I don't get why some people almost seem gleeful in when they judge other parents - almost like it is a sport. What is that about?

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  12. #137
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    Quote Originally Posted by Girl X View Post
    Maybe, but it depends on what else the mum is doing with her time - and the comprehension would depend on how old the kid was. I'm guessing she wouldn't be saying "Mummy is now off to drink mojitos all day" any more than the working mum by choice says "Mummy is now off to have fun talking to grown ups and wearing nice clothes all day".
    Oh of course there would be some element of how it is explained to a child (mummy is running errands/doing housework/something), but I still think that from a fairly young age they can grasp that mummy is at home and they aren't with her.

    I completely understand using it a few days a week. But as a general rule 8-5, 5 days a week isn't something I'm in favour of. Obviously there are always exceptions - mother not coping, a sick sibling, caring for someone else, keeping a spot while on mat leave etc - and we never really know what is going on in someone else's life, but when it is 'just because' I freely admit to raising an eyebrow.

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  14. #138
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    Re. the 5 days a week thing- I would be willing to bet big money that most working mums who work full time do it because they can't work part time. Or if they did work part time or took a lot of time off to be at home, it would be hugely detrimental to their long term careers. So I don't agree with the 'choice' being the same for working and stay at home mums who use a full week of care.
    I think we will keep seeing hurt and jealousy on both sides of the fence until people (both women and men) have REAL choice in how they manage working in or out of the home and how they access childcare. I actually think more dads taking time out of full time work or having more flexible work arrangements would make a huge difference. I'd love to see a time where employers expected parents of young children to drop their hours for a few years. We're slowly moving towards this- both my and DP's workplaces offer 48/52 which basically means you get paid for 48 weeks over 52 weeks of the year and get 4 extra weeks holidays. It's meant to be for families to juggle school holidays.

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  16. #139
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    I send my DS 2yrs old to family daycare 2 days per week I am for the most part a SAHM and have received a great deal of judgement from various sources for doing so, mostly people who do not know my circumstances and don't understand why I need some time to myself. I volunteer at the local animal shelter 1 of the days my son is being cared for and the other I spend catching up on all the things that get missed while he is at home. I don't think I could ever put him in 5 days a week although I know he would love to be there every day (he asks all week to go) the 2 days gives us the space we need from each other and also helps me to be a better parent to him as prior to this I was feeling extremely overwhelmed and just not coping

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  18. #140
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    Ok...l can see some of the points here about SAHM who have their kids in full time daycare and also working mums who choose to go back to work because they want to not because they need to...l think they are in similar situations. But unfortunately society is more likely to judge the SAHM.

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