Hi, I would love some feedback. Maybe from people who have been through similar? Please no negative comments, I’ve got enough in my head already. Positive affirmations would be awesome.
My partner and I have been together for 7 years, we have 2 young boys and are engaged. 4 years ago he decided to become a commercial diver (fisherman) as it runs in his family and no other work has been successful for him. He’s very good at what he does, and we own our own business with a lovely mortgage because of it. When it came up I didn’t feel I had the choice in the matter, it was just something he had to do. The last 4 years have been lonely as hell and were not making money until this last year. I have had to take care of the boys on my own and not known when he is going to come home, for how long, or when he goes back – because of the weather. I stressed that I don’t want him gone more than 2 weeks. We have gone a lot longer sometimes, and sometimes it’s only 5 days. But there’s no structure to it. We have gone through hell and last year I became very depressed. He was away for 3.5 months doing a course and I was desperate for him to support me even though he was also going through a depressed time. We have continued to go through a hard time and I asked him 2 weeks ago if he’s ever been unfaithful (I had a feeling about this girl from his course who I met when we visited halfway through). He finally admitted it. He was with her 3 times. We have both been to a psych and discussed it and he feels it’s time to come out with it all and try to improve our lives and make it up to me, to help me trust him again. I have missed him for so many years and never thought I would want to try and make it work after something like that, but I love him dearly and I know that he feels so ashamed and wants to make it work. He was home for 2 weeks after he told me, and he has done everything right. Given me space, was there for me to talk to and ask questions, took the kids so I could think about things on my own, cooked, cleaned. He has just gone back to work and I’m home with the kids and just… feel… awful… I can’t do anything, only the bare essentials. I drink to escape, I don’t enjoy anything anymore, I’m lonely, and I can’t believe that I just want him home. And that makes me feel awful to feel that the only person I want with me is the one who has hurt me the most. Our psych has told him that he has to tell me exactly when he’s coming home, that it gives me more structure. But I just don’t want him to be away anymore. I want to make it work but does that mean me asking him to give up the diving? He says he can’t do anything else. We never planned to have a family with one of us being away, it just kind of happened. I feel like I’ve given up everything to try and make his life easier, you know, what’s best for the family. But I’ve lost myself in the process, lost respect for myself, and no one can respect you if you don’t respect yourself. I don’t know how to gain that back… Should I just be patient? It’s only early days still and I’m still grieving I guess.
I just want him home.