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  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by JumpingInMuddyPuddles View Post
    I think you need to reassess your motives.
    Adoption is about the best interest of all parties involved (adoptive parents, birth parents and child) and it is heavily documented that children who have contact with their birth parents are more balanced, and cope with the situation much better than for those who have no sense of their origin.

    You are not the only one gaining from an adoption scenario. Best outcome is that all parties are happy. Imagine a 16 year old girl who desperately wants to keep her baby but knows she can't provide. Maybe knowing she can hear from and see her child will mean she makes the best choice for herself, her baby and ultimately you, because you get the honour of raising her child.

    Adoption is not a fairy tale ending. It is the beginning of a very complex story and you need your eyes wide open before getting into it.
    I agree in part with what you said but think about it.. It is a very hard thing to adopt a child and not to feel like you are not worthy because you did not give birth to them but to then be happy with the birth parents visiting and seeing the child, I don't think so.

    Anyway just my opinion, we will not be adopting due to this.

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  3. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by nattie84 View Post
    I agree in part with what you said but think about it.. It is a very hard thing to adopt a child and not to feel like you are not worthy because you did not give birth to them but to then be happy with the birth parents visiting and seeing the child, I don't think so.

    Anyway just my opinion, we will not be adopting due to this.
    I'm sorry that you would give up the possibility of adopting for this reason It has been a real journey for me too, especially at the beginning. I had lots of my feelings challenged and found that my views changed as my children entered my life, grew up and became young adults. Right now I do not feel any any way inadequate or any "less" of a parent just because my children have birthfamily contact - I am the one that has done the hard work and my kids turn to me when they need something. That in itself is wonderful

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    ange1111xxx  (08-10-2016),JumpingInPuddlesxxx  (25-09-2013)

  5. #13
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    Thank you nattie84!!
    Listening to what you have said has helped.

    I think entering the idea of adoption seriously and researching it, you just suddenly notice that there are very questionable parts of the system.

    For me now I think fostering children in VIC that are struggling so so much is a process I feel I can handle.

    Gratitude

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  7. #14
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    I guess everyone should do what is comfortable to them and Nattie it sounds right that you have chosen not to adopt. I wholeheartedly agree with Jumping and Twocam. The child can only benefit from access of some sort with their birth parents.

    I struggled with the concept at first but after the adoption training I understood it much more. And now that we have adopted a little girl who has access with her birth parents twice a year I completely understand it and appreciate it. I know that our beautiful baby girl will grow up knowing she has love from all angles and no misconceptions of where she is from. Access with her birth parents will ensure she grows up happy, self assured and confident in knowing who she is and where she came from.

    You think you will somehow lose the connection if they keep in touch with their birth parents. I know I did but on the contrary, it just reiterates that you are the one that comforts them daily, keeps them safe, happy and healthy, gets up in the middle of the night, soothes them when they are sick and shapes their little personalities.

    All the best with what you decide. All I can say is that I too had doubts at first but 1.5 years later I am so eternally thankful that we went ahead with the process.



    Cheers, Macks

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  9. #15
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    Hi Mack's,

    Just wondering what type of adoption you went through, state or overseas?

    It seems really a blessing to adopt a baby were you told it would be unlikely for the child to be a baby?

    Sorry for the questions, I am trying to work out if we adopt locally or from oversea. As I have read different information regarding the length of time to adopt for both.

  10. #16
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    Quote Originally Posted by JumpingInPuddles View Post
    I think you need to reassess your motives.
    Adoption is about the best interest of all parties involved (adoptive parents, birth parents and child) and it is heavily documented that children who have contact with their birth parents are more balanced, and cope with the situation much better than for those who have no sense of their origin.

    You are not the only one gaining from an adoption scenario. Best outcome is that all parties are happy. Imagine a 16 year old girl who desperately wants to keep her baby but knows she can't provide. Maybe knowing she can hear from and see her child will mean she makes the best choice for herself, her baby and ultimately you, because you get the honour of raising her child.

    Adoption is not a fairy tale ending. It is the beginning of a very complex story and you need your eyes wide open before getting into it.
    I am so glad you replied with this post!

    As an adopted person with my adoption being obviously closed (as it was in the 70s) what was written previously in this thread made me feel ill .

    My adoption was not at all traumatic, I had a happy childhood and I love my parents (before someone comes and says that I am only writing this because I am bitter).

    But every adoption starts with a loss. The loss of a biological identity with the child's birth family. Open adoptions can help with feelings of loss and abandonment for the child.

    Adoptions should always be about the best interests of the child and in the majority of cases this is to know their biological parents in some sort of capacity.
    Last edited by PomPoms; 28-09-2013 at 17:29.

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  12. #17
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    This is the last post I will write because I am sick of being attacked. I was just stating my personal opinion. You think I'm not suffering any kind of loss after a miscarriage and numerous failed Ivf cycles?

    I agree with a child knowing where they came from but I think it would be very confusing for a child under ten to understand who their parents are and to even know they are adopted and to deal with that kind if situation.

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  14. #18
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    Why don't you have a read of this blog -

    http://www.chicagonow.com/portrait-o...ts-in-30-days/

    It's a really interesting read and shows all the different ways adoption occurs and the effect on all the parties.

  15. #19
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    Thanks shelle very interesting reading.. Just reinforced my position on why I cannot adopt!

  16. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsMilly View Post
    Hi Mack's,

    Just wondering what type of adoption you went through, state or overseas?

    It seems really a blessing to adopt a baby were you told it would be unlikely for the child to be a baby?

    Sorry for the questions, I am trying to work out if we adopt locally or from oversea. As I have read different information regarding the length of time to adopt for both.

    Hi Mrs Milly,
    We decided to apply for local adoption and permanent care (kind of a hybrid of foster care and adoption in very simple terms and it is only available in VIC).

    We were told that there are only about twenty cases of adoption in Vic each year and more like hundreds of cases of Permanent Care so we had really prepared ourselves for a permanent care child so a young ten week old bub was certainly a surprise for us.

    Ive be heard some real horror stories about wait times with international adoption but then I'd heard a fair few with local adoption too.

    All i I can tell you is it only took just over a year from enquiry to placement for us and we have several friends who we met at training that have also been placed. So as much as we feel very, very blessed, it isn't unheard of to be placed with a bub through local adoption.

    I think I know where you and Nattie are at and I remember the internal battle and
    doubt I felt at the time before we made the decision to stop IVF and start this process (sorry assuming you are doing IVF but really should not assume) Good luck, I'm sure you will make the right decision as long as it sits right with you

    cheers, Macks

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