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  1. #1
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    Default Adoption? A hopeless pipe dream?

    I was reading about local adoption in Australia today and I found that in 2010 there were only 55 local adoptions and of that 55 there was less than 5 adoptions of babies under 1. Overseas adoptions can take 5 or more years and cost thousands. I also read that in aus the mother gets a cooling off period of 30 days so they can change their mind.

    I think that it is all too hard and I don't want to get off the ivf rollercoaster and onto the adoption one, I just can't take it.

    Can anyone share their success stories with me?

  2. #2
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    Nattie

    I do sympathise - the process can seem overwhelming

    I think the rate of local adoptions depends on which state you are in - bigger states do the bulk of the infant adoption. So if you are in NSW or Vic then you should feel encouraged by that! But in others We did the adoption training in the ACT about 18 months ago & there hadn't been a local infant adoption for 5 years and the waiting list of families was closed There are still lots of long-term foster opportunities though, with efforts to make a lot of those orders into permanent ones.

    Adoption was always my first choice to make a family and my older children were adopted internationally. Most of our friends that choose intercountry adoption did so because they have family or other connections to a particular country or a philosophical commitment to adopting internationally. We were more than happy to be adopting internationally again but sadly it did not work out for us - our chosen program changed it's rules

    Funnily enough the fees were not a huge concern for us, you get to pay them gradually in most cases. After our attempt at adopting again didn't work out we decided to try to conceive. We've since had IUI, IVF, fertility "investigations" and specialist appointments - we've spent almost as much as an adoption would have cost!

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  4. #3
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    Hi Nattie84,

    I'm pleased to tell you we are a success story and don't give up your hopes and dreams. We were placed with a little 9 week girl a few months ago and I still pinch myself every day.

    We ended up going with local adoption and we are based in Vic. The process from initial enquiry to meeting our little darling was just over a year.

    Stay positive and all the best

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  6. #4
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    Default It's just so hard

    Thanks for your success story.. I am unsure about a few things I hope someone can help me out.. I am a bit worried that most agencies want to push openness with the birth parents and I am not sure how I feel about that. I wouldn't mind sending info etc but I don't want them to be able to see them etc. also I am confused about the rules around stopping fertility treatment. Can you apply whilst still doing ivf but once they accept your application you have to stop?

    Also I run my own business and my husband is quite high up in his field and cannot commit to a year off work... I know that sounds selfish but I was planning 6 months and then juggling working part time and from home etc an I am worried this will affect our chances.

  7. #5
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    Hi Nattie,

    Sorry but I don't think I will be telling you anything you want to hear.....

    Yes, you have to have completed IVF for atleast six months before attending an info session (first step). I am pretty sure all adoptions in Australia are now open adoptions. You are asked how many access visits you feel comfortable with. It seems 4-6 access visits per year is the norm. Some birth parents don't want access visits though. It's important to remember that access is good for the child. They do not lose their identit if they know their birth mum and/or dad. Your agency will talk about this in your training.

    Finally, no matter your work situation your agency will ask you to take 1 year off when placed. I too have a demanding job and i had to weigh up if i could take one year off. In the end my desire to have a bub far outweighed work.

    This is all what I know from my experience when I started over a year ago so of course things may have changed and agencies may expect different things. It maybe worthwhile calling the agency you are looking into to confirm all of the above.

    All the best

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  9. #6
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    The 12 months off-work is also required for intercountry adoptions but I know that our department has been very flexible, so couples have been able to split the time off. I know for people that work at home they have been able to convince the department that they would work during nap-time and after-hours (when their spouse got home from their regular job), therefore they've been able to maintain their at-home business.

    Because the wait for intercountry adoption is so long, I know a number of people that have had a few more IVF treatments "just in case" while they were waiting and just haven't told the department. I also personally know two couples that ended up with 'oopsie' babies while waiting for their overseas adoption...

    Vis-à-visa birthfamily contact, most international adoptees do not have ongoing biofamily contact and you could factor that into your country choice. Some countries (like China) normally no family information is known - that in itself has challenges when the child is old enough to ask questions. Other countries vary depending on their policies and how the children come into care. Personally I found it easier to have some information - my children were very aware that they looked different from an early age and it was good to have some factual information to provide to them. That's just our family though.

    I would encourage you to join your state adoption associations (both domestic and intercountry), subscribe to their publications and do some research outside of the information that is provided by the Department. There is a wealth of info out there.

    Good luck no matter what you choose

    (P.S. I saw in another post you said you would only consider Thailand - that was actually the program were in but the rules changed and we were no longer eligible. The wait at the moment is closer to 5 years and getting longer. And that's from the time your file actually arrives in Thailand. The department just hasn't updated their stats.)
    Last edited by Twocam; 02-08-2013 at 14:49.

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  11. #7
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    Hi All,
    I am new to this. Every part of it!

    I have to say as scary and intimidating as dhs have made adoption sound, some of you have very encouraging stories

    I was so incredibly disappointed by the lack of encouragement when I made my initial enquires for local and overseas adoption. It seems that due to the adoption system in Vic, the information I have been given is that if you are successful over the 6 long years of waiting to make a difference to a child's life, not only will you get a traumatized child but one that has an ongoing medical problem.

    In my travels around the world and volunteering in China & Brazil, there are orphanages on almost every second corner with health and desperate children just waiting. We would love to adopt from overseas but the chances seem so so slim.

    I am very uninspired now to start the journey, but something is still telling me to go for it!

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  13. #8
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    Ps

    Did anyone do Foster Caring before deciding to adopt?

    thanks

  14. #9
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    We received our response and it basically said that unless we are willing to have a totally open adoption whereby the birth parents can see the child that we will be unsuccessful. What a joke seriously they want us to parent and pay for the child and then they want to visit it. What a joke. I don't mind sending photos etc but that's a bit ridiculous.

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  16. #10
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    Yes Nattie, I think Jumping has said it well. The research around adoption has moved on from the days when no contact or information was considered a good thing. It's no longer about childless parents being given a child, but a more holistic practice that is about trying to make the best of a difficult situation for all parties.

    Most intercountry adoptive families have no birthfamily contact (and in many cases ie: China) no birth information whatsoever. That in itself is one of a myriad of challenges an intercountry adoptive family faces and can be really, really hard for the child, no matter how must they are adored and loved by their new family. Love doesn't provide answers.

    Re: the long wait and medical issues. If you are in a state that works with the China Special Needs (SN) program I'd encourage you to look at that. "Special Needs" in the China context can be something as small as a birthmark, a minor sight impediment requiring glasses, or other cosmetic/minor medical issues easily fixed without our medical system. Australia does not permit children with complex medical issues to be adopted, because of restrictions on visa issue to people that might 'burden' the Medicare system! FWIW the China SN program is also much faster than other programs.

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