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  1. #21
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    In my own relationship I do do more in terms of nurturing little people, but I'm also the sahp, but df cleans. I used to get miffed when we had house mates or just friends over, if df vacuummed in front of them how lucky I was to have a man who could vacuum. Um where's my fanfare for vacuuming???

    It's been a battle because he was raised very differently to me by my dad, but we've stumbled through it okay I think.

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    My parents had pretty traditional roles, but I don't see mother and father as having different roles by default. Every family defines their own roles according to what works for them.

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    Quote Originally Posted by FearlessLeader View Post
    Can I ask what you mean by this? Do you mean that you think it works best if one parent is nurturer, one is provider? Or something else?
    I mean rather than have two who's primary focus is on providing, or two who's primary focus is on nurturing.

    Not at all saying a provider can't or shouldn't nurture and vice versa, just that those two roles should be fulfilled.

  4. The Following User Says Thank You to BlissedOut For This Useful Post:

    FearlessLeader  (01-07-2013)

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    Growing up my dad was a farmer who had no idea about money, mum paid the bills, did the shopping, dad didn't know how to use at ATM machine or a phone for that matter. Mum worked but was then a sahm until we went to kindy then returned to the workforce. Mum cooked and cleaned, dad didn't do much except milk and feed the cows.

    In my life dh and I share every duty. He will take the kids to and from school and daycare, he comes shopping, he cooks, he cleans. He attends drs appointments, sports events for the kids etc. He doesn't see anything as just a mothers duty. He gets up to the kids during the night if need be, he held the boys when they were babies and fed them, bathed them etc. we both work so neither is the bread winner. We are equal. Because he works away I pay the bills but he knows what is what. We are both providers and nurturers and it works!
    Last edited by Blessedwith3boys; 01-07-2013 at 15:53.

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    I'm a single parent and DDs father isn't around so I hope I can fulfill both roles and she never feels like she's missed out.

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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    I mean rather than have two who's primary focus is on providing, or two who's primary focus is on nurturing.

    Not at all saying a provider can't or shouldn't nurture and vice versa, just that those two roles should be fulfilled.
    Ah, ok.
    I agree to an extent. But I also think it's important to take into account each parent's wishes and ideas on what their role should be. Of course you have to be practical too- some families can't afford for one parent to be primarily a nurturer, or not the person who wants to be. But what of the families where both parents want to work? I don't think it's entirely fair to expect that one of them HAS to stay home. There should be compromise on all sides (including imo both parents compromising for the sake of the kids)
    I think in some ways its harder for families now, but couples also probably communicate a lot better- in the past women and men had expected roles and you just did them. Now everything is up for negotiation. Or it should be, anyway. I know with DP and I there have been so many discussions about our priorities for our family. In the past it wouldn't have been discussed.

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    Due to DH's work hours we've slipped into very traditional roles and I hate it. I did not want to end up like my mum, doing nearly everything, while the dad just 'worked' and that's it - but here I am. It also has nothing to do with breadwinning in our case either, I worked part time up until having this bub and for the past 2 years earnt more than DH despite him working 80-100 hours per week (failing business chasing a dream - I let him do it because you only live once).

    Quote Originally Posted by Luna Lovegood View Post
    I don't think traditional roles are a good guide, but I do think there is value in having one parent (Mum or Dad) available as a primary nurturing figure as much as possible for the children...I find it really sad that this is something most families cannot achieve for a long period though due to financial constraints/rising cost of living, etc.
    I also agree with this, so long as DH is working long hours I refuse to work more than a few days a week.

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    In our household, DH is 4 years older than me and further along in his career and as such earns so much more than me. We both went to uni out of high school and got full time jobs afterwards, but his career has far more opportunities than mine to move up and earn more money, unfortunately for me, but I'm still career focused, but for now I work part time and will continue to do so until my DD is in school (and any other child we have next) and he works full time, then I will focus more on my career again.

    i do more of the housework as I'm home more, but DH still does house work. I do all the 'cooking' and he generally does the gardening and handy work, but I help out with this also.

    when we are both home, we look after DD equally though he always does bath time.

    i consider myself lucky as no one could say either of us wears the pants in the relationship. We are equals, with equal say in what happens and how things are done. It's the only way to be in my mind (well its the only type of relationship I could ever be happy in).

    i can't stand it when men are under the thumb from their wives and likewise when men expect dinner on the table when they get home, their wives to get them drinks when they want etc. But I guess if both partners are happy to be in one of these types of relationships, then no issues. I just see so many relationships break down when either the wife/female is sick of being a maid and a mum to her husband/partner and also when a husband/male leaves as he's sick of his wife/partner always pulling the strings and telling what to do, like they can never go out with their mates for example.

  10. #29
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    I grew up in a stereotypical household and my mother seriously resented it (still does). So she pushed on me from an early age that I was not to be a doormat to any man (her words) and that a couple should be equal. Now that I have grown up and married a man who is way more domestic than I am she is a bit jealous and she is still doing every damn thing for my dad.

    Roles wise, I am definitely the nurturer and DH the provider. That being said he is a very hands on dad and does most of the washing/tidying. I cook and cuddle He is 5 years older than me and has an established career and two degrees. I have an advanced diploma and have just started a degree but to be honest, I just work so I can have money - I don't think my career will ever be my life.

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    I also grew up in a stereotypic house hold. Dad went out and worked and mum stayed home with the kids. It won't be the same in our family.

    I am the main breadwinner and DH will be working part time and also the house husband. Hopefully he won't get up as mischief as the house husbands on tv!!! While we, as a family, are ok with this I don't rub it on or gloat about it. DH feels like a failure, thanks to society, for not being able to be the main breadwinner of the family.

    Even though I'll be working full time I will still be doing the cooking etc as DH will be working evenings. I'm sure he'll get into the housework, with a bit of prodding!!


 

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