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  1. #11
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    Oh and growing up, my mother was the provider and my father was the nurturer.

    I don't subscribe to gender roles, but I think traditional roles are important.

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    My husband and I have the same duties. When DS was born, DH and I would swap shifts when it came to feeding him. DH changes diapers, he cleans and cooks, does the groceries, changes DS etc. Who does it more? I do. Why? Because I'm at home. I bath DS every night and DH pops his PJ's
    on. I'll read him a book and DH will put him to bed. We balance each other out.

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  4. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post
    He is the provider and I am the nurturer, we help each other with our roles.
    This is us too. Although I contribute financially freelancing from home, I am pretty much in a traditional nurturing/mothering role. I pretty much take care of the house alone (DH helps when he can but he is a shift worker), I mostly cook, and I do all of the school volunteering and stuff.

    It's got nothing to do with our genders though- DH will always be a shift worker with a ever changing roster so one of us has to be constantly available to provide DD with a stable lifestyle.

    I don't think traditional roles are a good guide, but I do think there is value in having one parent (Mum or Dad) available as a primary nurturing figure as much as possible for the children...I find it really sad that this is something most families cannot achieve for a long period though due to financial constraints/rising cost of living, etc.

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    If we subscribed to gender roles, nothing besides the 'female duties' would be done! We'd be walking through a jungle of a lawn and nothing would ever get fixed and all the other stuff that are 'male duties'.

    We are equals in our household. I probably cook a little more than DP as my shifts just work better that way. Sometimes I clean more often and sometimes DP cleans more often. She doesn't really wash up but I never really tidy dining or lounge room. She does that while I wash up.

    Growing up, we lived and worked on a farm. Mum did the household duties in addition to helping dad on the farm. Dad worked longer hours outside the house though. After a while, all the household duties were mine and mum worked more on the farm. Now my mum is sick and dad does most of the cooking and cleaning plus all the work on the farm. While my dad may not have been the best growing up, he doesn't really subscribe to gender roles and that is a lot more evident now that I'm older.

    We will not be teaching gender roles to our children but teaching them that everyone in the household is equal with what they do around the house and in terms of work.

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  7. #15
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    At the moment we are pretty equal what we do because of work.

    When baby comes along, I suppose I will take on the primary carer role, and do the majority of stuff around the house because it's more practical than DP doing it after a 12 hour shift.

    On days she's home we will show that everyone pitches in, and from a young age he will be expected to pitch in too (age appropriately of course).

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    We are pretty much even here. We both work so we share the housework, cooking etc.

    Growing up I just had mum...she did everything.

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    We didn't set out to have set gender roles, but now that I think about it, we're pretty cliche, aside from the fact I work and am the main income earner.

    I cook, clean, do all the things related to DD (doctors, appointments, school things etc). I don't think my DH would know how to pay a bill, manage our budget etc.

    It's a pain in the butt to be honest. DH is an amazing dad and works hard, but, could definitely pick up in the home department! It won't bother me when I'm on maternity leave, but at the moment it's all a little too much.

  10. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by BlissedOut View Post

    I don't subscribe to gender roles, but I think traditional roles are important.
    Can I ask what you mean by this? Do you mean that you think it works best if one parent is nurturer, one is provider? Or something else?

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    We don't do 'traditional gender' roles here. Being a mother or father means you do your damned best every single day to provide for your child's needs by drawing on your own strengths as well as being the best role model you can be.

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  13. #20
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    Funny you say that, my dad referred to himself as a "single mum" though that could possibly also reflect on why my mum left him, because in his mind a mum raises children, so she basically went after 24 years of taking care of him and then taking care of us - fine, I'm leaving, it's your turn.

    But having had a dad who very much fit that stereotype of being a man who didn't think of helping out or didn't see mess or didn't understand how the laundry fairy puts clean clothes I'm drawers or how dinner gets on the table because he's a silly busy man with an important job.... That I never went without food or clean clothes after mum left and we didn't live in filth makes me call bs on men saying they can't do it because they're men.

    Sent from my GT-I9300 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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