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  1. #1
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    Default childless friend working 6 days admits she has no more time for our friendship

    had a friend from school(going back 20 yrs now). we hung out together a bit before I had kids. first 2 kids of mine she was all over buying gifts etc, attending parties. had number 4 (3 is an angel baby)and gradually things disintergrated. I understand that some friendships whither. over time she got rude about my kids like telling them to shut up (my just over 12 mth old at the time). then last year we talked less and less. I had lots to deal with from july to December last year so at new year I sent a brief text saying I am sorry for my slackness in staying in touch and hope to catch up soon. no reply. nothing.silly me sent another one the other day mainly because I just wanted to know where I stand. I asked first if maybe I had done anything to upset her or had the friendship moved direction due to different interests . today I received a text stating I had done nothing wrong it's the result of lack of time and different interests. Now had she finished there I would have got that. I get that friendships move on. but however she went on to state that she works a 6 day week and has no time to maintain that many friendships anymore. pardon me for saying but just because I have 3 children and work 3 days a week it does not mean I am not busy. just feeling a tad um...annoyed perhaps. at least I got my answer

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    yeah she was rude saying it like that, even tho I have 3 kids under 4.5 and work part time, I still make time for friends, even if our catch ups aren't that often. I suppose least you know where you stand.

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    I don't agree with how she treats your children but from another angle, I have sabotaged my own friendships due to being childless. I make up plenty of excuses to avoid being in situations where children are involved.

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    Yeah I think it's because of her childless state. She either doesn't get what it's like to have children or has issues as she hasn't had her own. How old is she? It's probably rubbing salt in her wound when she sees you that she hasn't.

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    At least now you don't waste anymore of your limited and valuable time or energy on her.... 👍

    To play devils advocate though I do think it is often hard for childless friends to conceptualise how busy life with kids makes you regardless of how many paid working days you do!

    I think I personally have a far greater appreciation of that since having DS. I am a bit choosey about who I spend weekends catching up with and how often because that's our 'family' time and it is so precious! I would not have appreciated that in others prior to DS.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Wise Enough View Post
    Yeah I think it's because of her childless state. She either doesn't get what it's like to have children or has issues as she hasn't had her own. How old is she? It's probably rubbing salt in her wound when she sees you that she hasn't.
    she's 36 so maybe and I did wonder that but she's never stated she wants them. she did once but then got into the going out lifestyle, going on weekends away etc and said she couldn't handle being around whining kids all day

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    I wouldn't let that annoy you too much - I don't think she was having a dig at you, or trying to say you are not as busy as her.

    Maybe she's let other friendships slide as well because she truly struggles to find the time for catch-ups, and she just wanted to give a valid reason?

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    I just think that people without kids don't really get it and the majority from what I can see would prefer to spend their time with other adults, most of them don't really enjoy kids company..

    Just let her go, she doesn't seem worth it.

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    Quote Originally Posted by 3ratbags View Post
    she's 36 so maybe and I did wonder that but she's never stated she wants them. she did once but then got into the going out lifestyle, going on weekends away etc and said she couldn't handle being around whining kids all day
    None of my friends know how much I want children and I tell everyone I'm not interested and quickly change the subject. The reality is, I would give up everything to have a family.

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    hi

    you have friends for a reason, a season or a lifetime....knowing this has helped me a lot since having kids...major life events change ppl..i know my childless friends find it hard to be around me either due to involunatary childless or they simply arent into the "kid thing" which is fine ....ive also found that some friends have changed for the worse since having kids (not saying this is you tho!) and they are soooooo boring or anal about stuff now that its painful to keep the friendship going etc......ppl unfortunately drift apart for so many reasons, its ok to feel annoyed tho about it.

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    Disbride  (01-07-2013),Jellyfishie  (01-07-2013),LoCo  (01-07-2013),SimplyMum  (01-07-2013)


 

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