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  1. #11
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    Hi Ladies,

    bel2466 -
    Some people have no idea do they. So sorry you have also had to go through the insensitive comments, although I have to say it's reassuring that it's not just me.


    SpringRain - I love your answer. I think I shall start being more honest with people. I think where it was so painful for me I couldn't say it out loud as that somehow made it more real if you know what I mean.


    tormy - Sorry that you too are having to go through this. I love your quote in your sig, sums it up really. FC you're still in with a chance to have another baby.

    KatiesMum - Thanks for your insight. DS starts school next year so maybe it will become easier for me then. As your daughter is older, can I ask if she asks about why she has no siblings? My DS has always loved babies and smaller children which has made this harder for me. When he used to ask, I would say if we were lucky we would have a baby but I couldn't promise him we would. Now I tell him that Mummy's body doesn't work the way it used too and I can't have another baby in my tummy, which seems to satisfy him for now. Any tips on how you handled it with your daughter would be great.

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    bel2466  (01-07-2013)

  3. #12
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    Hi Little Feet and everyone else...
    I too have secondary infertility. My DS is 6 and a half and I was lucky enough to have him first try of IVF. I have had many IVF attempts since I had him, and even two natural conception miscarriages.
    We are almost ready to give up on having another - I am 38 and DH is 45. We could keep trying, but it's all at a cost (emotionally and financially.) We could possibly try more, but I just feel like I have to give up at some stage or the other.
    It's harder this time (IMO) to know what to do (in terms of giving up,) because I don't have the same desperation to have a baby, that I did before I had DS. I at least have him, which makes things 'nicer' for me, but I would like him to have a sibling, plus I always dreamt I'd have two.... I never thought I'd only have one. Part of me wants to give up, but I know we could keep trying, but if I continued to have failed results, then WHEN do we say 'enough is enough'! I am 98% there, but that other 2% is saying "go on.... have another try." Sheesh!
    Yes, people ask me too... and I am very honest with them. I just say: "well, we've been trying for 4 years, and it looks like I'm not lucky enough to have another." Which usually shuts them up. Although I did come across one mum at a birthday party, who when I asked her how many kids she had, she said "Two. That's one more than you!"
    But you know.... you have to take what life deals to you. I am very happy with my DS & my DH. We are a good little threesome. There are many advantages to having 1, but there are challenges as well (try teaching a 6 yo empathy when he has no concept of anyone else because he has no siblings! ) But at least he has two parents who love him very much. Surely having a good, loving family environment for him, won't be of any detriment to him!
    I'm here too Little Feet and Co. I wish you all the best in your hopes and dreams.
    Kyra.

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    bel2466  (01-07-2013)

  5. #13
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    KyraZanda - Sorry that you find yourself here too. Sorry for writing in bold I can't turn it off for some reason!!! So much of what you have said I can relate to. We stopped IVF due to the financial and emotional cost. I probably would have kept going for a bit longer but DH was more practical. I've also recently turned 39 and as I get older I wonder how much longer I can keep doing this, especially when I have DS who is growing way too fast for my liking. What an awful thing for that woman to say to you, some people need to think before they speak!! I feel the same about my DS, I adore him, he is the light of my life but it still hurts I can't give him a sibling. He would make such a great big brother. I wish you all the best too. Keep writing or feel free to pm me if you prefer.

  6. #14
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    to everyone else. Hope you're all ok.

  7. #15
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    Quote Originally Posted by Little Feet View Post
    KatiesMum - Thanks for your insight. DS starts school next year so maybe it will become easier for me then. As your daughter is older, can I ask if she asks about why she has no siblings? My DS has always loved babies and smaller children which has made this harder for me. When he used to ask, I would say if we were lucky we would have a baby but I couldn't promise him we would. Now I tell him that Mummy's body doesn't work the way it used too and I can't have another baby in my tummy, which seems to satisfy him for now. Any tips on how you handled it with your daughter would be great.
    yep - I handled it pretty much like that. Said that I couldnt have another baby, and while she doesnt understand much really, it seemed to satisfy her.

    We also explained as she got a little older some benefits to being an only child (that she doesnt have a sibling to fight with, or have to share with, or have to always work around like some of her friends)

    She has stopped asking ... which is good.

    to all

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    Little Feet  (04-07-2013)

  9. #16
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    Hi everyone, can I join in also?
    I am now on the path of accepting I will only have one child. Who is nearly 4

    We fell naturally with dd without even trying and nearly 2yrs later have been told ivf is our only option which dh doesn't want to do which is now causing a lot of tension in our relationship.

    I still have a lot of anger and sadness at the same time I really wish I was at that place where I could accept we are only going to be a family of 3, but it just doesnt feel like my family is complete.

    I am a fairly open person so most of our family and friends know to some degree on why we are only having one child, so at least the pressure is off and I am not always getting asked when the next one is coming along.

    I am also starting to sell/giveaway a few baby things, I suppose in the hope it will help me move on.

  10. #17
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    Hi Ladies How is everyone? Hope you're all ok.

  11. #18
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    Sorry, I'm having real issues trying to reply! KatiesMum - thank you for your reply. I may have to start pointing out that there are some positives too. In some ways I want DS to stop asking too

  12. #19
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    SiesMum - Still can't turn off the bold! What is going on with this, it won't let me go to the next line either!! Anyway, I am sorry that you have also found yourself here. I think getting to that place of acceptance is going to take time, I have been trying to get there too but not there yet. You are really strong in getting rid of some of the baby things, my DS is 5 in a few weeks and I still have boxes full of baby things that I haven't been able to part with. I'm getting there, slowly. I totally get the sadness and anger you mention, as I'm sure the other ladies do too. Feel free to write on here or pm me if you like.

  13. #20
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    Hi Kyra and Siesmum, and welcome! I was sorry to read about your journeys to have a second At the time we started IVF, we didn't know MFI was the problem, I was the only one who had been tested at that stage so it was assumed it was just due to age. However our FS virtually forced DH to get tested then the problem was found (low count, morph, motility etc) so since things were already underway, we had to go through with it. Ironically now he is vastly more enthused about the whole process than I am

    Sending some your way.

    LittleFeet, KatiesMum and everyone else - hope you are having a great week.

    I am doing a medicated FET at the moment, and possibly another stim cycle over the next few months. I've also been considering other ways we might add to our family, so let me know if it's ok to discuss that too. Another BT for me tomorrow.


 

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