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  1. #1
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    Default Ex H and time with kids

    When ex H and I decided to split he moved back down to Sydney ( 4 hours from here) 7 years ago. We have been meeting half way every school holidays since then. We did mediation and it was decided that for him to see his kids he had to be emotionally, financially and physically invoved with them. It has been ok I mean phone calls on birthdays and Christmas and the day before they are due to go down. I have picked up work so last few times I have organised different days or times but have given him plenty of notice.
    School holidays start next week but I have not heard boo from him since last school holidays and have not received any child support.. He told me he had changed jobs last time and I said to him he had to let them know. I have sent him text messages the last few weeks and no reply.
    So when ( its bound to happen next week) he calls to organise a time do I send the kids or tell him NO..
    Before you ask the kids have asked and I have said I don't know yet as dad hasn't called , They arnt fussed if they go or not its more I feel obligated as he is their dad but doesn't make the effort the 10 weeks inbetween,.
    So my question is do I send them or not??????

  2. #2
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    I'd want to talk to him first and remind him of his agreement - being involved emotionally, financially and physically, and see what he has to say for himself.

    As it stands, no I would not automatically send them.


    phone calls on birthdays and Christmas and the day before they are due to go down.


    Wow, to me this level of involvement does not equal emotionally or physically involved!!
    Last edited by MilkingMaid; 22-06-2013 at 15:33.

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    If you do actually hear from him I'd ask the kids whether they wanted to go or not but would probably send them.
    Especially if it's court ordered, even if he isn't being an involved parent it'd work in your favour to be following the parenting plan.

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    Quote Originally Posted by MrsOhara View Post
    If you do actually hear from him I'd ask the kids whether they wanted to go or not but would probably send them.
    Especially if it's court ordered, even if he isn't being an involved parent it'd work in your favour to be following the parenting plan.
    Its not technically a court order but I had to try and do something to get him more involved. I shouldn't have to they are his kids but I tried. DF says don't send them as he isn't keeping to his agreement and if he had it his way the kids would be adopted as his.. Its so hard I don't want to hurt them but keeping them here but I also don't want him to think that even without doing anything he gets to see them. Everytime they are there he complains about how much it costs him for 7 days to feed them and entertain and god forbid they grow out of their clothes. Maybe that's why I get annoyed when he doesn't pay his child support beacause the rest of the school term I feed, cloth and entertain.
    Yes ladies he is a nice piece of work

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    I would send one last email/text with a time limit to contact you about whether or not he plans on spending time with the children in the holidays. If you don't get a reply within 24 hours I would not send them nor make any further effort to contact him until he contacts you and then I would go for mediation.

    We have a court order which requires my ex to give me a certain amount of notice (about a month) on whether or not he can have the children for the time allocated to him in the holidays. Anyway he only gave me 5 days notice even though I had asked him again and again. I called legal aid and their advice (as we have court orders) was that I was not required under the law to send them to him. I did this time but it is frustrating as I was trying to make plans for us and the kids to go away but I did not know if they would be with me or not.

    Oh as for the phone calls that is hardly enough! We have two phone calls a week for them to talk to their Dad and they see him every fortnight.

    Anyway might be a good idea to talk to legal aid or a family court lawyer to ensure that it can not come back on you.

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by lese82 View Post
    DF says don't send them as he isn't keeping to his agreement and if he had it his way the kids would be adopted as his..
    You can actually do this with your Ex's permission. Might be something to bring up if he continues to break the agreement. He doesn't seem to be very involved in his kids life.

    My parents did this, my mum had two sons from a previous marriage and my dad adopted them when they were about 7 & 9; but this was after my mum's exH suggested it. My mum's exH was seeing at least one of my brothers once a fortnight & was paying CS beforehand.

    Sent from my GT-I9305 using The Bub Hub mobile app

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    All feelings regarding their father aside, I'd ask the kids (assuming they're old enough?) what they'd like to do. Its their happiness that matters most, even though their father does not deserve to have them for the holidays (IMO).

    I would not send a younger child though. But if they're old enough I guess it's up to them.


 

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